What would Britney do?

Britney Spears is under a lot of stress. Marrying Kevin Federline was her first cry for help. Did anyone hear her? Sadly, no. Later, she stopped wearing panties. When your mind’s in chaos, you sometimes forget your underwear. Again, no one heeded the warning signs. Now she’s shaved her head, and it wasn’t because she got a wad of bubble gum stuck in her hair. Such drama.

The girls from The L Word are no strangers to drama. Here’s what it would look like if they reached for the clippers at the first sign of trouble.

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Alice: Slept with a woman old enough to be your mother
who also happens to be your friend’s boss — and now you
can’t get rid of her? Lose the locks. Put on some shades.
Maybe she won’t recognize you.

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Bette: You’re in a custody battle with your ex over Angelica.
You have a new job. You’re sleeping with a colleague. You have to
learn sign language. It’s enough to make you pull your hair out.

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Helena: You’re broke. ‘Nuff said.

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Jenny: What wouldn’t make you shave your head is a better
question. Bad review? Get buzzed in protest. Writer’s block?
Get bald to clear your mind. Used your friends as literary fodder?
Nothing says “contrition” like a chrome dome.

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Max: OK, so your voice refuses to deepen, no matter how much
testosterone you take. With a head like this, no one’s going
to think you’re anything but all man.

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Shane: You had a smokin’ hot Latina who loved you, but you
left her standing at the altar. Your dad’s a jerk and you’re stuck
taking care of his son. No one would blame you if you did
something drastic. On the plus side, you can see again.

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Tina: You’re back to being straight. There’s nothing in your future but a
lifetime of minivans, bad kissing and back hair. I feel for you. You were
never the coolest one, but now? Shave your head. Here, I’ll help you.

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