RachelWatch: The Conservative Argument for Gay Marriage

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Today: Anti-Prop 8 lawyers Ted Olson against David Boies and extended coverage of the disaster in Haiti.

Breaking News

Rachel started off with news of the massive earthquake near Port-Au-Prince, Haiti. Though it has been difficult to get news from the area, Rachel and David Applegate of the U.S. Geological Survey tried to get a handle on the devastation.

Rachel closed the show with an update on the quake and its aftershocks and then dedicated her second broadcast to giving it full coverage.

Common Wisdom #Fail

Rachel touched on Sarah Palin’s debut as a Fox News analyst and then segued into the event most likely to be “analyzed” by Fox News over the next week: President Obama’s first year in office.

Or, as the Fox Folx will put it: Our first year under a Fascist Socialist granny-killing terrorist-loving apologist intellectual who secretly hates America and where was that guy born, anyway?

Ms. Palin took it upon herself to talk about what Americans really want. Or Real Americans, anyway. As you might have guessed, Fake American Rachel (could she be Canadium?) begged to differ.

Since the Fox News gang tends to be heavily in favor of preemptive strikes, Rachel decided to go ahead and whip up a quick year in review.

Country First?

But back to Sarah Palin! Who’s going to continue saying things that are either so loopy that nobody will be able to help putting her on television to make fun of her or things that are so maddeningly perpendicular to consensus reality that everyone will have to put her on television to rebut her and oh, God, she has us exactly where she wants us, doesn’t she?

As expected, the former Governor spent most of her debut as a Fox News employee disputing the recent political slam book Game Change and claiming that Steve Schmidt is a lying sack of moose pellets. But Rachel thought one or two statements in the book might have some merit.

Palin was not really the focus of the segment so much as John McCain, who seems to have chosen his running mate with a system that was more reliable than a ouija board but perhaps less trusty than having his aides blindfold him and spin him around before letting him poke a map of the United States.

Rachel’s rising incredulity that, yes, that was who McCain impulsively decided would be okeydokey to run the country was highly enjoyable.

McCain’s cranky-yet-smiley point on Today was big deal, it’s all over and he can’t believe we’re all still harping on that old thing where he tried to put the Witchfinder General in a position to run the country.

Prop. 8 is Enough

Rachel gave us a quick primer on the gay marriage movement and then welcomed attorneys Ted Olson and David Boies to discuss their challenge to California’s ridiculous Prop 8.

Along the way, they make such simple, sensible, and moving arguments for marriage equality that it’s hard to believe we even have to have a trial.

Good luck, gentlemen.

George of the Jungle

Rachel and Kent continued their coverage of former President George W. Bush’s post–White House career.

This time he’ll speaking at the Safari Club International convention on a bill with Liz Cheney and a Beach Boys cover band.

There will be a full three days of exhibits, seminars, speeches, and stand-up comedy, right through Saturday evening.

And then they will hunt the most dangerous game.

Earthquake in Haiti

And then, instead of signing off, Rachel and staff soldiered on, coming back for a full second live show to cover the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti.

The TRMS staff made sure to provide full information on how to help out with to relief efforts.

You can donate immediately to the Red Cross through your cell phone bill by texting “Haiti” to 90999. You can also find a list of charities on the show’s website.

If you’re an American trying to find information on loved ones in Haiti, the State Department has set up a special number: 1-888-407-4747.

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