RachelWatch: Don’t Make Rachel Ralph

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Today: Richard Engel, Xeni Jardin, and a guy you might have heard of wins a little award.

Nobels and Whistles

Rachel started us off with news of winners and losers: President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize and several conservative commentators lost their damn minds.

Rachel rolled up her sleeves, picked up her Hammer of Much-Needed Perspective, and got to work.

Senator Barbara Boxer (D – California) stopped by the studio and was smart enough to recognize Republicans Tim Pawlenty and John McCain for being gracious.

(John McCain, stop messing with me. You can’t vote against the Franken amendment and in favor of dirtbag companies that are trying to stop rape prosecutions one day and then switch to being a stand-up guy later in the week. You’re going to give me the bends.)

This Way Out?

In the middle of all this hippie dippy peacenik talk, Rachel reminded us that we’re fighting a really long war, and it doesn’t seem to be getting easier, less bloody, or more sensible.

The terrific Richard Engel dropped in to make you want to tousle his hair and then watch every last second of Tip of the Spear, his documentary on Afghanistan.

Ms. Information

When I was a kid, it used to be common wisdom that Democrats had sex scandals and Republicans had money scandals. Did they secretly agree to switch just to liven things up?

Rachel reported that the House Ethics Committee is investigating senior Democrat Charlie Rangel. Rangel is the powerful Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, so some Democrats have been tiptoeing around the issue, which is the exact wrong thing to do.

Democrats, the cover-up is almost always becomes worse than the original scandal. Didn’t the Republicans leave a note when they gave you the financial scandal sublet keys?

Rachel also gave us the unsettling news that Mary Cheney is tired of being the least terrifying Cheney and is thus starting her own political consulting company.

No, wait, it gets scarier: She may be asking Liz ‘n’ Dick to join in the fun.

So you can put that cherished dream of seeing political campaigns get less negative right back in your hope chest.

I have to admit that now I’m tempted to run for office myself (after stocking up on garlic and wolfsbane) just to see what their advice would be. (“Have you considered starting a giant fake war off of which your buddies at your former job could make billions of dollars? No, nobody ever calls you on that.”)

And as business plans go, it’s an intriguing one. One look in the Cheney Debtor’s Dungeon and you can be sure that all bills will be paid early, and in full.

Photo Can You Go?

Before you watch the next clip, take a look at all the normal people around you. (No, don’t stare. Yes, you may wink.) You’ll need a look at real human bodies for reference, because Rachel is about to show you Ralph Lauren ad that will make your world go all screwy.

I have heard the complaint before that the fashion industry is out of touch not only with what normal humans look like, but with what normal humans find attractive. This as makes a pretty compelling case for that.

Unless what you find attractive is a woman who will rip your head off and devour it right after sex.

Oh, all right, that wasn’t fair: Ralph Lauren would have Photoshopped a praying mantis’s thighs too.

Xeni Jardin of BoingBoing.net dropped in to talk about the ridiculous ad and the bigger problem of websites yanking material the minute a lawyer says “Boo!”

TMI

Kent Jones gave us a little getting-to-know-you session with Representative Louie Gohmert (R – Texas), who, if you’ll recall, is the latest politician to insist that legislation discriminating against gays is the only thing in the whole world keeping him from having sex with, at last tally, bonobos; boxers (canine); boxers (human, pugilist); boxers (human, shipping industry); bugles; bumble bees; bunnies; buses; Busey, Gary; buttons; buzzers, joy.

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