Last night on the season finale of America’s Next Top Model (which I’m sure you all watched ’cause it’s the gayest show on television), Midwestern goofball and natural blonde CariDee defeated San Francisco fashion student and Ice Queen Melrose — even after flubbing the final runway competition with a horrendous impersonation of the Bride of Chucky. That’s right: The Girl We All Love to Hate, Melrose, ended up in weepy second place, and it seems like the judges kicked her to the curb because they knew the other girls hated her! Shockers! What about Melrose’s string of consistently strong photos, winning practically every other challenge, knowledge of impressive-sounding designers, and her admirable skill in walking in heels even after the competition tore a hole in her dress? Just goes to show that Tyra Banks likes her Top Models to be friendly as well as fierce, and CariDee certainly has the chops in that area. The other contestants — even third-place finisher, Eugena, who got booted because she just wasn’t enthusiastic enough — all seemed to adore CariDee. And I have to admit that the girl has kind of an infectious joy about her, possibly due to her life-changing battle with psoriasis that has given her a deep appreciation for being able to show off her milky white skin.
But my secret inner diva (OK, she’s not that secret) is a bit pissed that Melrose didn’t get that $100,000 modeling contract and the cover of Seventeen. The girl worked her ass off for that competition, and yeah, she’s a bit of a bitchy perfectionist, but so is Madonna! Tyra, what happened? Did all those corsets you wore suck out your common sense? Melrose was robbed!