RachelWatch: Rachel and the Amazing Rambling Politicians


Today: Senator Bernie Sanders, Rachel looks into the soul of Americans for Prosperity, and more strangeness from Nevada.

Window into Their Soul

Rachel took another look at Americans for Prosperity, probably because she feels obligated, the way they’re always fawning all over her.

Turns out they are indeed strongly for prosperity, but not so much for other people knowing where that prosperity comes from or how they’re using it politically.

GOP in Exile

What should you do when you have no responsibilities but saying “no” and you’re feeling footloose and fancy-free? Take a trip!

If you can swing it, try taking a trip on the taxpayers’ dime to an exotic land. And why not do a little badmouthing while you’re there?

Congressman Mark Kirk (R – Illinois) went to China to tell them not to lend us any money without hanging onto Mouth Rushmore as collateral, and Senator James Inhofe (R – Oklahoma) announced that he’ll be attending the U.N. climate change conference in Copenhagen to talk about how climate change isn’t real lalalala he can’t heeeeear you and STOP LOOKING AT THAT FOOTAGE OF THOSE DROWNING POLAR BEARS.

(Inhofe is so fired up about this issue, by the way, that he says he’s bringing a “truth squad” to Copenhagen. I hope to God they have outfits.)

Most recently, Senator Jim DeMint (R – South Carolina) went on a “fact-finding trip” to Honduras, offering some handy tips ‘n’ tricks to a government we don’t recognize.

What, nobody just takes a road trip where you eat at the diners with the silliest names anymore?

Chris Hayes of The Nation took a shorter (but more fun) trip to help Rachel figure out what the hey is going on.


Republicans are trying to unseat Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) in 2010. Unfortunately, Reid is from Nevada, which is a state that has a bit of a Republican image problem at the moment.

Nevada’s other Senator is John Ensign (R), who used to be big on the family values rhetoric until it became clear that to him “family values” meant “valuable checks from my parents to my mistress’s children.”

He’s getting a little bit investigated because of that and the part where he tried to take his mistress’s husband’s mind off his troubles by getting him a cool, illegal lobbying job.

For some reason, former Nevada Republican Party chair Sue Lowden, who might be the next logical Republican candidate, just said she’s all about Ensign.

Jon Ralston of The Las Vegas Sun joined Rachel in saying “She who with the what now? WHY?”

Enjoy the efforts of the TRMS Freelance Campaign Commercial Production Squad.

Ms. Information

Rachel reported that 61 protestors against the war in Afghanistan were arrested outside the White House on Monday.

On Saturday, U.S. troops at two outposts in Afghanistan suffered a brutal day-long attack by the Taliban. Eight American soldiers and four Afghan security officers were killed. There are also unconfirmed reports that an Afghan soldier opened fire on sleeping American soldiers, killing two and wounding four.

In the middle of all this awful, President Obama plans to discuss the Afghanistan war with a bipartisan Congressional group today, which also marks the start of the 9th year of the war in Afghanistan.

In happier news, three American scientists won the Nobel Prize in medicine for their work with telomeres, the ends of chromosomes, and telomerase, the enzyme that builds telomeres.

Carrie Prejean immediately released a statement saying she totally would have won that Nobel if it weren’t for her deep personal convictions and mean old gays.

One of the winners, Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn, was fired by George W. Bush for criticizing his restrictive, science-crushing stem cell research policies.

According to Nobel rules, Ms. Blackburn is allowed to drunk-dial the former President and go “Nyaaaahahahaha!” up to three times, but only while she is wearing her medal.

The Acronym Doesn’t Fall Far from the Tree

The De-fund ACORN Act may actually be boomeranging back in a really positive way.

Congresswoman Betty McCullom (D – Minnesota) and Senator Bernie Sanders (I – Vermont) have introduced legislation to stop any organization that defrauds the government from getting any more contracts. Like, for example, the country’s three biggest defense contractors.

If you’re starting up a small, mom-and-pop defense contracting company, I believe you’re about to have quite an opening.

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