Rosie Perez preps for her role on “Law & Order: SVU”

It’s been way too long since I’ve seen my girl Rosie Perez. Sure, she was on Lipstick Jungle but I wasn’t going to watch that unless it was Lipstick Lesbian Jungle — jump on this Logo!

Thankfully, she’ll soon be returning to the small screen as a guest star on Law & Order: SVU, which I watch regularly thanks to Mariska Hargitay. I can show you where to put those handcuffs, Detective Benson!

Rosie will always be a tough-acting Brooklyn goddess to me. Whenever I think of her, I either picture her dancing during the opening sequence of Do The Right Thing or the scene in White Men Can’t Jump where she’s giving Woody Harrelson’s character, Billy, the smackdown when he says Jeopardy isn’t going to call her:

Jeopardy is going to call Billy, it is my destiny that I triumph magnificently on that show and I’ll never do that if I have to wear this stupid hoochie-mama looking dress that you bought me which was obviously a poor excuse to cover up the fact that you f—-d up again! I’m going to get on that mother f——g show, and I’m going to win, because I’m filled with more useless goddamn information than any human being on this f—–g planet! Whose James K. Polk? How many moons are on Pluto? What’s a quince? It’s a food, Billy, that starts with the letter Q, and I got seven more!

Rosie’s character on the upcoming SVU episode (airing in October) sounds markedly different from her past roles. She’ll be starring as the mother of a pedophile-abuse victim who is suing an organization similar to NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association) for making her husband feel like his relationship with her son was OK. It sounds like I might need to keep my gag reflex in check for this episode.

Rosie’s got a few other projects in the pipeline including a kids’ movie starring as a crayon alongside Christina Ricci and a more mature film with Steve Buscemi (who I adore). Both are in production.

On another fun note, rappers Slug, Murs and Aesop Rock have come together as FELT to create a tribute album to Rosie, which, just like Ms. Perez, is bangin’.

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