Sometimes I miss those fake lesbian kisses…

It’s halfway through November sweeps and other than the not-very-sexy Wanda Sykes/Julia Louis-Dreyfus smooch on The New Adventures of Old Christine, the girl-on-girl action — real or fake — has been woefully low. Could this possibly mean that the networks are starting to get that sweeps lesbianism is exploitative? Sure, this may mean progress, but I have to admit I’m a little bored.

Diligent entertainment reporter that I am, however, I dug through a bunch of dull press releases to uncover possible diamonds in the rough — that is, any glimmerings of lesbian-ish leanings that might catch your TV-watching eye this month. It’s not much, but it’s something:

Nov. 15 — On the first Wednesday of this season that has no Lost, I’m getting out of the house at last! But if you’re in, you can catch the fantastic Patricia Arquette (sister of Rosanna, who played Cherie Jaffe on The L Word) in the two-hour premiere of Medium (NBC).

Sisters Rosanna and Patricia Arquette

Nov. 16 — The buxom and brilliant Salma Hayek once again guest-stars on Ugly Betty (ABC), on which Martha Stewart makes a cameo appearance. Also, NBC presents a “super-size” version of 30 Rock – that means 10 more minutes of Tina Fey!

Nov. 17 — Husky-voiced Jill Hennessy (she played a lesbian in Chutney Popcorn) visits Las Vegas as medical examiner Jordan Cavanagh from Crossing Jordan. Also, the super cool Kathy Najimy joins the series Numb3rs (CBS) as Dr. Mildred French, the new head of Cal Sci’s physics and math department. Wow, a feminist playing a scientist — it’s only a matter of minutes before somebody calls her a lesbian.

Nov. 20 — On Studio 60, Harriet (Sarah Paulson) apparently thinks about doing a lingerie photo spread. Does this count as lesbian exploitation?

Nov. 21 — k.d. lang continues her career as a crooner on Target Presents Tony Bennett: An American Classic (NBC), while the American Music Awards (ABC) feature Gwen Stefani, the Dixie Chicks, Nelly Furtado, the Pussycat Dolls and Mary J. Blige. No reports yet on whether any of these ladies will be kissing each other. I could make up some “reports,” but then I would lose all credibility as a journalist.

Nov. 22 — NBC presents the sans-crucifixion version of Madonna: The Confessions Tour – Live From London. Sigh.

Nov. 25 — FOX’s trashy but, yes, strangely compelling reality standby, Cops, presents a one-hour installment of its Bad Girls Special Edition series. Straight from the mouths of FOX publicists: “Join officers from around the country hot on the trail of feisty female felons!”

Nov. 26 — On American Dad (FOX), Stan wants to speak at the Republican National Convention but they reject him for another candidate. Who endorses him? The local chapter of the Gay Republicans. Will this be funny or old hat? You decide.

Nov. 28 — Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) stars in an episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC) titled “Weeping Willow.” Sorry folks, no Willow Rosenberg involved, but hey, we love Dawn, don’t we? (I admit I was annoyed by her for awhile, but I’ve resolved those feelings.)

Did I miss anything good? Do let me know, dear blog readers!

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