RachelWatch: The Torture Program Goes Grand Guingol

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Today: Michael Isikoff, Representative Anthony Weiner, the man who brought us Clunker Bomb, and an amazing Moment of Geek.

“Threatened… with a Power Drill”

Rachel got everyone in the perfect mood for the weekend by letting us know that the CIA Inspector General’s report on the Bush Administration’s torture program is about to be released, perhaps as early as today.

It’s said to include such proud additions to the Bush legacy as staging a fake execution to make a prisoner think another detainee had been killed in the next room.

Can we find out who specifically thought up that one? Because it’s a rare theatrical gift that can so seamlessly blend frat-boy initiation pranks with horror movies.

Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff dropped in to help you seamlessly blend personal rage and national shame.

MiNOrity

Rachel noted that President Obama says he is still committed to finding a unicorn bipartisan plan for health care reform.

Which is kind of like me wanting to be able to float three feet off the ground, but insisting on getting gravity’s OK.

Mr. President, the other side is not even pretending to play fair. You can stop being accommodating.

I know you’re a popular, likable guy, but sometimes you have to be a dick to get things done.

One More Thing:

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R – Minnesota), in reference to health care reform said, “Under no certain circumstances will I give the government control over my body and my health care decisions.”

Just so you know whose face and quote to put on your sign at the next pro-choice rally.

(OK, yes: Maybe clean the word “certain” out of that quote so it actually makes sense.)

I will admit that Representative Bachmann intrigues me. I think it’s because I usually associate her particular brand of crazy with a laser beam single-mindedness, whereas Bachmann has a kind of buckshot approach to speaking and thinking that means it’s really easy to goad her into saying just about anything.

Thus, to make politics fun again in these difficult times, I hereby announce the Get Michele Bachmann To Say Ludicrous Things Game.

Prizing is TBD. All sayings must be public and verifiable with video or audio footage.

Let’s start small and work our way up. Your GMBTSLT challenges for the month of September are:

Getting her to speak out against pesticide-free fruits and vegetables — 10 points.

Getting her to speak out against the 1938 comedy Bringing Up Baby on the grounds that it is un-American (in any way) — 100 points.

Getting her to speak out in favor of interplanetary invasion by an alien race, so long as that race upholds Christian values — 500 points.

Ms. Information

Rachel noted that deather-in-chief Betsey MacCaughey brings up the tricky issue of devoting national media attention to someone who is demonstrably a liar, even in the service of demonstrating that very fact.

And then Rachel pretty much sat back and let us watch Jon Stewart hand Ms. MacCaughey enough rope and then some.

The moral of this story? You can get away with being a public liar in print, but don’t go on TV if you’re also an idiot.

Jump Start

Rachel reported that the Cash for Clunkers program has been wildly successful.

So what happens to all the clunkers that have been turned in? Meet Hans Blatter, the president of the company that makes Clunker Bomb.

Please. Before playing this clip, get sensitive vehicles out of the room.

Life During Wartime

Rachel gave us an update Thursday’s election in Afghanistan, which the Taliban was trying to stop with a terrifying campaign of violence.

Voter turnout was around 50% (though perhaps lower in some regions), and both incumbent President Hamid Karzai and challenger Abdullah Abdullah are claiming victory.

Full results won’t be in for a while, but, yeah, stay braced.

Moment of Geek

Oh, sweet heavenly strangeness, is this Moment of Geek wonderful.

Watch it. You deserve it. It will make you happy.

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