“Pretty Little Liars” Recap S7 E13: ‘Hold Your Piece’

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This week on Pretty Little Liars …

Spencer wakes up to screaming, which turns out to be coming from the game board. She mutes the sound, but it happens again, so she turns the phone off, but it continues to keep her awake. The rest of the girls come over to brainstorm on how to silence the phone, which Spencer has stuffed inside a pillow. Once Hanna takes the phone the screen lights up with ‘Play with me, Hanna”, so it looks like it’s the blonde bombshell’s turn.

The next morning, Caleb brings in the newspaper with Hanna’s design gracing the front page. As Hanna, Caleb, and Emily break out the champagne to celebrate, Emily discovers an online fashion blog with a headline claiming the design is stolen. Hanna is convinced the anonymous tip from the blogger came from A.D. Duh, of course it did. A.D. is everywhere, haven’t you guys learned anything in seven seasons?

Like clockwork, the phone lights up and notifies Hanna that it’s time to play the game and prompts her to answer the door. There’s a knock on the door, and Caleb answers it to discover a mannequin dressed as Hanna. Finally, she’s forced to fill Caleb in on the game, because the same sequences of events occur every single season. Liars, will you ever learn? It turns out the doll speaks, and it prompts Hanna to get more information from the ‘appendix’. Does anyone else think this creepy voodoo looking doll looks way more like a distorted Alison than Hanna? Alison is away dealing with some ‘paperwork’, so they had to include her somehow I guess.

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Hunky detective shows up at the coffee shop and invites Spencer to spend the day with him. Maybe it’s just my constant suspicion surrounding every new character who pops up in Rosewood, but something it up with this guy, right? It turns out his idea of distraction is a game of ping pong.

As Caleb and Hanna brainstorm over discovering the source of the blogging tip, Aria sees an interview with Nicole on TV where she mentions her love for Ezra getting her through to recovery, because all of a sudden she’s famous. I can’t even make myself care about Ezra at this point. How is it possible that he can’t even find the time to speak to his fiance while he’s away? And why is he just dropping his life to adhere to Nicole’s parents’ every beckon call?

Speaking of women in comas, Yvonne has woken up, but she’s in and out of consciousness. Toby helps her with some physical therapy exercises to test out her recovery and he brings out wedding bands and asks her to get married. This whole wedding thing has my spidey sense tingling. What’s going to happen with these two this episode?

Lucas, who has invested in Hanna’s label, shows up to give Hanna some advice and inform her that investors want to have dinner to get some reassurance about her designs. Caleb investigates the electronics of the game, and we all wonder why she didn’t just tell him in the first place, while Hanna figures out that appendix means the actual body part. The loft suddenly transforms into an operation room, and Hanna is the new Meredith Grey. She cuts open the doll with a giant kitchen knife, because she has all of the proper medical equipment other than a scalpel handy, and through the disgusting fake blood pulls out a baggy with the label “wear me” on it. Another stolen design?

Also, does anyone think it’s a coincidence that Lucas just pops up during a situation that revolves around some genius level technology that’s torturing the Liars? Maybe it’s just my series finale level of suspicion over everyone again, but the dude has always been a bit shady. Pretty much everyone outside the Liars and their lovers are on my radar by now though.

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Emily and Aria do some sleuthing on the laptop to dig up some information on Sydney and discover she was at the charity ball where Katherine wore Hanna’s ‘stolen’ design. Aria tries to all Spencer to fill her in, but she’s busy kicking some ping pong ass, because of course she’s fantastic at it. During the game, Spencer mentions going to the same horseback riding camp as her mother, but then corrects herself and calls Mama Hastings her “adoptive” mother. Spencer injures her shoulder again, so Detective Fury goes to get a first aid kit and Spence notices the missed calls.

While the pair attempt to perform some tech detective work courtesy of a crash course from Caleb, who can apparently be everywhere at once solving everyone’s computer problems, Hanna opens the bag and discovers a kimono-style dress that’s sure to offend the investors from Japan who have backed Lucas. Suddenly, Caleb delivers the most culturally inappropriate one-liner in the history of Pretty Little Liars by commenting that everyone will see her ‘spicy tuna roll’ in the dress. I guess it’s a compliment that he calls her lady parts spicy?

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