Lily Tomlin could have turned Lindsay Lohan gay

The first thing Kathy Griffin asked Lily Tomlin when she got her into bed on last night’s My Life on the D-List was, “Did you turn Lindsay Lohan gay?”

Tomlin’s response: “Ha ha ha! Actually, you know — maybe I did! I think she was sort of leaning, and, well, she probably admired my work so much, she thought that was the path to artistry.”

It all started when Griffin shouted a D-List guest star invitation to Tomlin during the middle of one of her stand-up routines. Tomlin’s initial response was to shield her eyes, look out in the audience and say, “No, I refuse to get on your sinking ship!”

But of course she did, because Lily Tomlin is nothing if not a good sport, and Kathy Griffin’s ship certainly isn’t sinking. (Unless God smites her during a freak thunderstorm, which, let’s be honest, is entirely possible.)

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The premise of this season’s D-List is that Griffin wants to become an A-lister. Because she’s Kathy Griffin, and because her show is on Bravo, she’s going about it by hitting up A-list Super Gays and Super Gay icons, asking them to teach her how to scale the ladder to mega-stardom. Last week’s season premiere featured Bette Midler eating fried Twinkies in Vegas, and this week Griffin traveled to British Columbia to get some tips from Tomlin about how to win a Grammy — and, of course, to get her drunk and ask her a bunch of profane questions.

It wasn’t easy. Howard, the agent who booked Tomlin and Griffin at the same club on the same weekend, was crushing hard on Griffin, following her everywhere. Finally, she looked right into the camera and said:

Howard isn’t leaving me alone. He’s totally c–k blocking me and Lily Tomlin. I’m trying to get one-on-one face time with her, so I’ve got to just invite myself rudely invite myself to her room. I’m basically just trying to take a chick back to her room and get her drunk. A chick who likes chicks — lets see what’s going to happen!

What happened was that Tomlin told Griffin she’s been with her partner, Jane Wagner, for 38 years, to which Griffin responded, “Whoa, that’s like 248 and-a-half Gay Years!”

Griffin quizzed Tomlin about her love life, asking her if she’d ever slept with a man (Tomlin: “Certainly”), if she ever had a showmance (“No, but I did have a crush on Steve Martin), and why she was banned from Conan O’Brien‘s show (“I asked him not to use douchebag as a pejorative. It’s anti-woman”). The more wine they drank, the nuttier it got, ending with the two of them doing cheerleading routines in Tomlin’s suite.

The two women did a radio interview together the next morning, called Jane Fonda over breakfast, and Tomlin told Griffin to learn a little grace and some manners.

To close out the show, Griffin said:

If what I’m trying to do is be an A-lister in training, then Lily was the perfect teacher because she is so impressively cool and mellow about everything. She is constantly looking for the next laugh and I want to be doing it just like her — ’till I drop dead on stage. Or Oprah kills me.

Of course, the scene-stealer (as usual) during last night’s D-List was Griffin’s mom, who ended up working a Grammy-campaign phone bank in Kathy’s kitchen. Check out the clip below:

On next week’s show Kathy finds out if she wins her Grammy. (Spoiler: she doesn’t.) Later in the season she’s rolling out the red carpet for Rosie O’Donnell and Melissa Etheridge.

Did anyone catch last night’s D-List? Will you be watching this season for the Super Gay A-list action?

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