If you missed the MTV Movie Awards and movie trailer debuts last night, let me sum it up for you: ZOMG! Vampires! Actually, that was just the awards show. The first trailer for The Twilight Saga: New Moon is more like ZOMG! Vampires! + Werewolf! Here, see for yourself.
To recap: Instead of the hanky panky she so hoped for, Bella gets attacked by Jasper for her birthday. Edward decides that to protect her he should leave her alone in the middle of the woods with a red-eyed beast. His epic failure is redeemed when Jacob transforms mid-air into a werewolf, and hurtles over Bella to save her life.
Kristen Stewart‘s brooding face count: 3. Robert Pattinson‘s brooding face count: 4. Grand total: 7 broods in 90 seconds. And you thought New Moon couldn’t out-emo the original.
Stewart and Pattinson swept the MTV Movie Awards last night too, taking home bronze buckets of popcorn for Best Fight, Best Male Breakthrough Performance, Best Kiss, Best Female Performance and Best Movie.
Whoops, look at that. We’d better up last night’s Brooding Count to 9, which of course pushes us up the Despondency Scale to Code Yellow. Man, it is hard out there for sexually-repressed mythical creatures and the women who love them. Maybe Bella and Edward should just take a chance, make some love, have a baby. I mean, really, what’s the worst that could happen?
Oh, right. Never mind.
I can’t wait for the full-length New Moon trailer, which is sure to feature creepy Dakota Fanning as Jane. Or, as Michael Sheen Tweeted: a weirdly angelic, unsettling, evil red riding hood. That should amp up the Despondency Scale to at least Orange!
What’s your verdict on the New Moon teaser trailer?