RachelWatch: Every Good Monster has a Sequel

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Today: The Cheneys’ traveling vaudeville show and the winner of the National Spelling Bee.

Id Unleashed

You know how some of your conservative friends have gone all creepballs on you lately?

Just drop a convenient hat and suddenly, one vein pulsing intensely on their foreheads, they can’t stop talking about how straight white males are now hideously oppressed and probably going to be hunted down for their skins now that they’ve lost that 220-year lock on the Presidency and NO, huge majorities in both houses of Congress, the Supreme Court, and leadership of major corporations don’t count.

Those guys have now seen every last fear they’ve ever had crystallized in the form of Judge Sonia Sotomayor.

No, wait, not every last fear. (Psst! Hey, fellas! What if Sotomayor has some sort of mysterious feminine Latina power to shrink your penis?) There we go!

Rachel noticed that too, and led off with the story that, now that the pretend-rational arguments against judge Sotomayor are dissolving, opponents are descending into blatant sexism and racism

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Just to refresh your memory, the man who compared his situation to that of an African-American during Southern segregation has elected officials publicly groveling to him and a radio contract for $400 million over eight years. So you can see the uncanny parallels.

Take time today to hug the sane straight white guys in your life for not being racist, sexist nutballs.

Because while you’ve got their arms immobilized, the rest of us will sneak up and get their pelts.

Swing and a Miss

You know how all the vein-throbby guys that you’re about to delete from your Facebook friends like to talk about the case of the New Haven firefighters?

Rachel and Stanford law professor Richard Thompson Ford would like to talk about that too.

Personal note to Rachel and the TRMS staff, just on the off-chance that any of you actually read this: Thank you for your sane coverage on the outrageous reaction to Judge Sotomayor’s nomination, but please, for the love of all that is good, stop making me watch clips of Rush Limbaugh.

I will send you Funyuns and Chocodiles. I will cave to Ms. Maddow’s mixology position and retract my public statements that vermouth should be added, at most, in individual molecules. I will even search through old Glenn Beck clips for you so you don’t have to take the risk of some of the crazy seeping in. Just name it. Please.

Ms. Information

George Bush has said that he won’t publicly criticize President Obama. Except for the part where he wouldn’t deny that Obama was a Communist, and implied that the ridiculous speculation along those lines might be correct.

Oh, Dubya. I am surprised at that breach of protocol. You’re a good Southerner; when you passive-aggressively insult someone, you’re supposed to say, “Bless his heart” first.

Rachel also did a story on young women who are screamers. On the tennis court, that is.

Pants on Fire

You may have noticed that Liz ‘n’ Dick Cheney are all over your TV lately, occasionally using their necromantic powers to make it turn on even when you had it off.

I know I was just bitching about having to watch Rush clips, but I find Cheney clips fascinating. I always wonder if Dick Cheney means to radiate cartoon villain evil, or if he just can’t help it. Because Liz seems to be trying to hide it, binding it up tight underneath her pert pink jackets and the kind of smile you plaster on when guests arrive four hours too early for a party and hope it isn’t an inconvenience.

You really need to look carefully to see Liz Cheney’s evil, until about halfway through the interview, when the anger takes over and big, whipping tentacles burst out of her chest and Oh, God! Keep her away from your throat!

Rachel would like them to come on her show. Yes, please! But if either Cheney’s pupils start to get all red and swirly, BREAK EYE CONTACT.

Anyway, the Cheneys have been materializing in front of cameras to crow that torture keeps us safe and got us such fantastic information that every high school student in America aced their final exams through sheer osmosis and it cures puppy cancer, so if you want Scruffles to die, just go right ahead and keep on criticizing.

Senator Carl Levin (D – Michigan), chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, is in a position to have seen the memos and says that the Cheneys are in the middle of a falsehood-induced glutectomy.

Steve Benen of WashingtonMonthly.com joined Rachel to discuss the fact that Levin, who is not known for political grandstanding, says the memos do not indicate that torture prevented any attacks, saved any lives, or produced a single shred of good information.

Other than that, though, everything the Cheneys are saying is true: The memos are written on paper, and are kept in file cabinets.

Spelling Be!

Rachel welcomed Scripps National Spelling Bee winner Kavya Shivashankar for a pretty great interview.

I especially liked the fact that Rachel asked Shivashankar, highly motivated smart woman to highly motivated smart girl, if she was truly having fun with spelling. The geek community has each other’s backs.

Weak in Review

Kent pointed out that the National Organization for Marriage’s latest awesome ads ask people to say no to “same same sex marraige.” Kent, stop trying to take away their right to believe that spelling and grammar work that way.

Cocktail Moment

Rachel showed the mark of a true academic nerd and replayed her own correct spelling of Shivashankar’s challenge word. The moment, and the graphics staff’s indulgence of it, was pretty adorkable.

Millennia from now, scholars will speculate on what the Lost Cocktail Moment may have been, but I think it was worth it.

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