The L Word Recaps 4.7 “Lesson Number One”

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Phyllis’ lamentations – Jodi is telling her coming-out tale. Lucy was her first girl, but she was also her first deaf lover. This worries Bette a little:

Bette: So you think the sex was better, then, with a deaf lover?

Jodi: No. No, no, no, not better. Different. We’re attuned to each other in different ways.

Bette: So you mean you can’t go as deep, though.

Jodi: Hmmm, let me cast my mind back for just a moment to this morning. I can’t imagine going any deeper than that. Can you?

Bette just giggles. She leans in for a kiss, but Phyllis barks, "Back to me." Jodi finishes her tale: It didn’t work out with Lucy because Jodi realized she wasn’t capable of monogamy.

Bette: What?

Boy, was there a world of meaning in that what. Phyllis hands Bette a box of chocolates. Jodi just looks confused.

Loose lips – Tina is meeting Jenny at the Planet. She stops to say hello to Kit, who is friendly and tells her to come by anytime, even if she feels ostracized. Tina seems to think that such a warm welcome deserves a slap in the face: She tells Kit she’s sorry about the Angus thing, not realizing that Kit doesn’t know about the Angus thing yet. Kit thinks she’s talking about Angus’ recent depression (make that excessive eye-rolling and whining) over being kicked out of the band.

Tina says she’s glad Bette confronted Angus, and wants Kit to know that she would have fired Hazel if Angus hadn’t ended it. She thinks Kit’s amazing and very evolved for being so calm about the whole thing. Kit just plays along, but then she goes into her office and leaves a message for Bette, telling her she needs to talk to her as soon as possible.

Poor Kit. You look like you’re about to pass out. You also sorta look like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, but I think that’s the makeup department’s fault. For once, Angus isn’t to blame.

Elsewhere, Papi asks Alice why they’re all so mean to Tina.

Alice: Well, she went straight, and it feels like a betrayal.

Papi: We fight our whole lives not to get judged by who we sleep with, and that is exactly what you guys are doin’ to Tina.

Uh, Papi? You mean for who you sleep with, not by who you sleep with. Or maybe you don’t. It’s hard to say.

Alice just sort of gives Papi a "simmer down" face, so Papi explains that she had a misunderstanding with Tasha.

Alice: You did? About what?

Papi: Oh, that whole double-dipping thing isn’t exactly flying with her.

Alice: Double-dipping?

Papi: Yeah, you dipping into me, and then dipping into her –

Alice: Wait, first of all, I have not dipped into her, OK? She’s very Officer and a Gentleman. She really wants to take things slow.

Is that why your shirt is buttoned all the way up to your eyebrows, Alice? What exactly are you wearing, anyway?

Papi says Tasha is pretty traditional. Alice says, "She’s in the f—in’ Army, so, yeah." Papi says the Army stuff is Tasha’s whole life: "You need to forget her if you can’t get with who she is."

I hate to admit it, but she has a point. She has a point about Tina, too, but it’s ridiculous that Papi is schooling Alice in anything. Except, you know, exaggerated enunciation and kooky coiffures.

The shill – Tina is trying to get the rights to Lez Girls. She’s so smarmy and oily and skeezy, I feel like I need a Wet-Nap.

Jenny’s not sure she wants her book to be a movie. But she would definitely want a woman director.

Jenny: I mean, like, it’s about women, so you have to have a woman on set. And, I mean, you’re not a lesbian anymore, and in the film business, they don’t like the author on set because they become too [air quotes] precious about their material, so …

Precious. Jenny, you are to precious as diamond is to coal. As purple is to lavender. As brain-dead is to absent-minded. As Bette is to hot. As – OK, I’ll stop. Wait, one more: As Papi is to mierda.

Tina reminds Jenny that movies reach a lot of people. "It could make a huge difference. A teenage girl in the Midwest who’s afraid to come out of the closet: She could see your movie. It could change her life." Yeah, it could scare her to the point of going far, far back into that closet and never coming out.

But Jenny is sold: She says "f— it." Tina is relieved and calls an agent friend of hers to see if she’ll take Jenny on as a client. Yes, please: Let’s get Jenny an agent and a movie deal and a premiere and whatever else will make her ego big enough to block out the sun and stop global warming. "Thank me; I told the ice caps to stop melting!"

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