“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (7.13): We’ll Always Have Paris

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Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Korsak announces his retirement. Jane test drives her beard. Maura cries into her wine. We join her.

Well, my friends, this is it. We’ve arrived at the end. We’ve spent seven sometimes-thrilling, sometimes-frustrating, always-hopeful years together watching television’s most totally gay not-gay show. And now, we have reached the end of our journey. With that let us once more into the subtext breach, my friends.

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So this is new. One-hundred-and-five episodes in and this show can still somehow surprise us. Instead of opening with a grisly/bizarre/violent/disgusting murder, the show opens with Maura and Jane reminiscing about all the grisly/bizarre/violent/disgusting murders they’ve worked on together. Maura is making a Faces of Death scrapbook for her girlfriend, which I guess is how medical examiners do grand romantic gestures.

They get into it, bringing up some of their greatest hits like the sex party and the Revolutionary War reenactment and the high school reunion where they ended up arresting Dana Fairbanks. Ah, memories. Maura says she is going to miss Jane, which requires no subtextdar to see is true. Jane tells her she’s not gone yet. And then they give us one last synchronized “Rizzoli” and “Isles” phone greeting before heading off on their last case.

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The corpse of the week is a bloated, bald dude tied to bed in nothing but red satin boxers. Well, if you wanted to ensure neither Maura or Jane felt attracted to the opposite sex anymore – this would be the way to do it. Thanks, show, for reaffirming my homosexuality. A photo on the dresser indicates he is also opposite-sex married, but his wife and her suitcase are missing.

Jane makes a crack about Maura going on the lam with plenty of clean underwear – Maura pretends that would be the case. But we all know she’d go commando, especially if she was Thelma & Louise-ing it with Jane. The victim was decapitated, with his head still attached. It’s an orthopedic decapitation also known as an “Atlanto-Occipital Dislocation.” Ah, how I will not miss Googling the spelling of the crazy medical terms uttered by Dr. Maura Isles.

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Jane wonders whether Atlantis-Occupied Locomotion can happen in a weird sex game and Maura says she can’t say. That’s mostly because they’ve never tried that particular game together, and Maura believes firmly in the scientific testing method. But this being the end and all, Jane coerces her into giving just one little guess. The way Maura folds, you know she is secretly extremely used to giving into Jane’s begging.

Outside Frankie is interviewing the neighbors. The local busybody is giving him helpful/unhelpful information when her son walks up. Holy jazz hands, it’s bully-turned- sensitive-boyfriend Dave Karofsky. Just when you thought this show couldn’t possibly get any gayer, they Glee it up.

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Jane arrives at The Dirty Robber because Mama Rizzoli has something “important” to give her. No, it isn’t the dog-eared copy of “Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café” that Mama R used to finally understand what an LBFF relationship really means, complete with her personalized inscription to Jane reading: “Go be with your Ruth.” Instead it’s a leopard-print suitcase.

Mama R says, “It reminded me of you.” I’m going to assume this is because of all of the bad guys Jane has chased down in her life and not that she gives off a sexy mom who shops at Chico’s vibe. Also, sometimes a mother’s gift isn’t really a gift, but a gentle guilt bomb meant to make one’s adult children feel terrible about their life decisions. So in this case, make that a guilt bomb in leopard print.

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Speaking of terrible life decisions, Kent has somehow turned even weirder and creepier. He is sneaking around and stalking/recording people without their permission – which I think is probably illegal. He catches Nina and Frankie talking about their engagement and instead of immediately erasing the tape he keeps it ensuring this is the horrible way everyone is going to find out they’re getting married.

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