“The Fosters” recap (4.10): Are you f*cking kidding me?

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Previously on The Fosters, the moms are getting fake divorced, Jude is getting real stoned, Jesus shot a nail into his head, Mariana is freaking out for 99 reasons but a bot ain’t one (just kidding, she’s freaking out about that, too). Callie wish she knew how to quit taking on the world’s problems (kidding, she loves taking on everyone’s problems), and Brandon went to NYC to audition for Juilliard, kissed a random girl, and broke up with Cortney via letter. Also, every random plot in this show over the past three and a half seasons is going to crop up in this episode but I can’t recap all that in a paragraph (go read my recaps if you want to know what happened).

Where else would we begin the finale but in the dream kitchen? Callie is setting up the episode with some heavy exposition about the foster care bill big bad Justina is trying to get on the ballot. So, of course, Callie must try for a rival bill. Zombie plot is back to life and ready to take a bite out of this entire episode. Brandon gets an email from Juilliard. Golden Boy got in! Even totally life-altering and devastating losses like having his hand shattered “ruined” his life for less than a year. #ThatsSoBrandon.

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Stef is just so darn proud of Brandon but how the hell are they going to afford the tuition? Making detective will help. Stef goes on and on about how much she hates the uniform—it’s polyester. Frankly, she doesn’t give a crap if she never sees it again. That is until Lena walks out of the bathroom with Stef’s handcuffs and wearing Stef’s uniform shirt and not much else. It’s straight out of fanfic! Lena tells Stef and has a right to remain silent and then straddles her! I don’t think it fades to black in fanfic, but I will take what I can get and thank my lucky stars for these two actresses and their pretty darn amazing chemistry.

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Stef’s interview for detective goes really well, right up to the point where the interviewer tells her it’s great to have a dirtbag like Joe Grey recommending her. Ruh-roh! Stef’s gotta play ball if she wants to be a detective. Instead of pulling her name from considerations, she gives Mike the proof that the kid Malloy molested wasn’t 18. Oh, Stefanie, you and Callie are two peas in a very dangerous pod.

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