“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (7.11): A Very Wrong Rizzoli Engagement

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Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Maura reveals a secret not-so-ex-ex husband. Jane reveals her FBI job offer. And then there’s a divorce party because why not.

We start with an incredibly disrespectful funeral. Is this an ominous metaphor for how the show will treat its loyal fans here at the very end? Cavalier family members drop their grandma’s casket and then an additional, and might I add naked, body rolls out with it. Whoops.

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Maura and Mama Rizzoli are waiting for Jane at Jane’s place. I know I always hang out at my BFF’s house without her and with her mother because that’s normal friend behavior. Mama R is trying to pump Maura for info on Jane’s big “news.” See, a mother always knows who to go to for info. And she knows any and all news on Jane must go through Maura. So is it written, so shall it be.

Jane comes down the stairs and immediately confronts Maura for spilling the beans. Aw, man, I’ll even miss Bad Reactionary Girlfriend Jane. Maura says she would never because she is always in Good Confidence-Keeping Girlfriend mode. So Jane finally tells her mama the big news: She is taking that FBI teaching job in Quantico.

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Jane pretends to be happy. Maura pretends to be happy. But Mama R cuts through the bullshit and is like, dude; you’re moving away from your wife and family? WTF? She is, as we all are, perplexed Jane would move 500 miles away from everyone she loves. Maura corrects her that it’s actually 343 miles – not that anyone is counting or has already pre-programmed it into her GPS settings or anything.

She then helpfully tells Mama R it’s “seven hours and seven minutes via Route 15.” So, not only has she programmed it into her GPS she has memorized the exact route and drive time. Raise your hand if you’re pretty sure Maura has already driven the route as a dry run for her soon-to-be every weekend sojourns to see Jane.

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Then Maura starts talking up Washington D.C. and all the great museums, exhibits and programs she plans to drag Jane to during their weekend visits. Oh, Janey, you can run away from your feelings, but you can never run away from Dr. Maura Isles’ adorableness. But, sadly, it will be more difficult for her to “touch anything” she wants in the FBI, as Mama R claims. Like, alas, no more late-night Female Boob Inspector sessions.

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