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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (7.8): The Return of Paige McCullers

Hanna is home working on her fashion stuff when her cattle prod scar starts tingling like she’s Harry Potter. She has some PTSD flashbacks of the barn, when someone knocks on the door. It’s The Grunwald! She returned to this plane of existence to tell Hanna she had a bad feeling about her, so Hanna does the only thing you can do with a ghost in Rosewood: she takes her to the Radley for a drink.

I hear the wailing of tormented souls trapped between worlds
I know, this new Lana Del Rey track is killing me

Hanna and Grunwald have drinks at the Radley, where Grunwald is overwhelmed with the deafening screams of tortured souls of Radley past. She tells Hanna that she feels a darkness brewing over her and Caleb, and as if on cue, Noel appears at the bar. Hanna drops her wine glass, and it shatters, bringing Noel over. While he smirks at Hanna, Grunwald’s nose starts bleeding because of ALL THE EVIL. This is all the evidence Hanna needs to confirm Noel’s guilt.

World’s worst threesome

Doc Junior calls Spencer and rails on her for ransacking her office. Spencer tries to defend herself, but instead Doc Junior gives her all the deets on her dad and tells her to leave her alone. Spencer grabs Aria, and they head off to Doc Senior’s apartment with a bottle of whiskey.

Ali teaches The Winter’s Tale to her students, and they discuss themes of trolling and false accusations. The principal calls her into his office DURING CLASS just to check on her, and Ali assures him that she’s healthy and ready to work. He also tells Alison DiLaurentis that teens can be cruel! Ali! Teens! Cruelty! Karma is a fireworks-wielding bitch! Ali is distracted by a file cabinet with school records, and breaks in later to steal Noel’s file. Unfortunately, A.D. beat her to it and left a note calling her a bitch. I wonder how many “nice try, bitch!” notes are scattered throughout all the hidey holes of Rosewood?

Wow, I barely graduated high school. I should not be teaching here.

Hanna assembles the Liars at her place to fill them in on her bad dreams, the Grunwald, and mystical nose bleeds. The Liars are (rightly) confused by her ramblings, and Hanna is frustrated that the Liars can’t just hop into her dreamscape and catch the fuck up. She also calls Emily Pam, which is not an insult because Pam is dope now and has more gay friends than Emily.

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