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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (7.6): The Showers of It All

Spencer and Ali meet up with Marco and Mary, where Marco tells them that Rollins real name is Archer Dunhill and he’s a Welsh con artist. Marco warns them that Archer could still be on the loose and that Ali could be in danger. He assigns 24-hour police protection to Ali’s house, which means she will most definitely be murdered immediately.

Spencer follows Marco out and tries to clear the air RE: their elevator grope-fest. He seems cool with it and asks her if Ali is holding anything back from him. NOPE, NOT A THING. THERE ARE DEFINITELY NO FURTHER LAYERS TO ALISON DILAURENTIS.

Look, Alison is just your average girl who blinded her enemy, blackmailed her enemy’s brother into going to jail, made Emily and Paige feel bad for being gay, slept with my sister’s fiancée, made a sex tape, fooled around with a teacher and inspired him to write a creepy tell-all, blackmailed our friend’s adulterous dad, got hit with a rock and buried in the backyard by her own mother, got dug up and resurrected by a witch, swapped identities, wore black wigs, flew planes, fought fires, and topped Emily Fields. You know, normal stuff.

Over on a show no one is interested in watching, Aria replays a voicemail from Ezra and sighs. Hanna is bitching about business plans with Lucas when Rollins’ burner phone rings. She picks it up and hears his voice saying that she should have made sure he was dead. DUN DUN DUN. Hanna proceeds to freak out, but Aria, who is now a seasoned expert on phone calls from the grave, tells her he’s dead. Hanna then reminds her that literally everyone they thought was dead has risen from the grave and Aria is like “Sorry, I was replaying Ezra’s voicemail. What now?”

Over at Radley, Ezra drowns his sorrows in iced tea and Emily spies Sara Harvey going up to Jenna’s room. She decides to bring up Jenna’s room service order and do some snooping. So Emily brings up the cocktails, only to find Jenna alone in her room, playing the flute. The fucking flute is back you guys! If Jenna doesn’t murder someone with that flute before this show ends, I will be sorely disappointed. Emily quietly creeps around the room and looks at Jenna’s laptop, which is ridiculous because Jenna would surely know her by scent, like a bloodhound.

Is someone wearing Old Spice?

Suddenly, Sara Harvey appears from the balcony, demanding to know why Emily is going through their things. She also tells Emily she was looking out for her/cared for her, and Jenna quickly shuts her up. Guys, Jenna is giving off some domme realness in this scene, and Sara is totally her bitch. Emily finally demands to know what’s up, or she’s ratting them out to the cops. It turns out that Jenna was secretly friends with Charlotte. This makes sense since they both love sleeping with their brothers and threatening the Liars.

We FLASHBACK to Jenna visiting Charlotte in the hospital, where she is cuddled up with Archer. Jenna has been searching for Charlotte’s birth mom, and they discuss Archer’s plan to win over Alison so they can use her to spring Charlotte out of the hospital. Jenna advises Archer to compliment Ali and use his third rate Hugh Grant charm on her.

Y’all wanna have a threeway? Bc I am down to clown.
Hmm, I would like to get touched by someone with fully functioning hands…
Literally standing right here, guys
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