This week on Pretty Little Liars, we see the return of queen bee Ali and the unholy union of Jenna Marshall and Sara “Shower” Harvey, now known to us all as Showerbot. But first, Aria made a casserole for Ali’s return from Wellby! Hmm, I wonder what kind of casserole says, “Sorry we accused you of murdering your sister and got you locked up with your psychotic husband.” Definitely not tuna. Ali returns home, rocking a cat face sweater and accompanied by Mary Drake. Apparently, despite being an adult woman, Ali has been conditionally released into Mary’s care. Aria is concerned, but Ali plans to keep an eye on Mary and get some deets about Rollins.
If that casserole is vegan, Aria, I swear to fucking God…
But wait til you try my salty nut cheeses!
Once they are inside the house, Mary gives Ali the sob story of how she met Rollins in London, where he told her that A) her daughter was alive this whole time except B) she literally just got murdered. Mary claims that Rollins took advantage of her vulnerable state and manipulated her into gaslighting Alison. Mary also went along with it because she thought that Ali killed her daughter and inherited some stone cold evilness from Jessica. Mary promises Ali that she will earn her forgiveness, and goes upstairs to take a nap bc EMOTIONS.
Sweet Emily is asleep on the couch, with popcorn and empty wine glasses scattered around her. Sabrina wakes her up with a cup of coffee, and I get momentarily excited that Emily FINALLY got laid. Alas, they just spent the night talking about Sabrina’s backstory and Emily fell asleep in the middle of their date. Emily is bummed to have passed out before a good night kiss, and she and Sabrina share some chaste, close-mouthed pecks before Emily’s phone rings. I was hoping for something more risqué, what with Spencer getting 50 Shades of Elevator Groping last week, but this is what we get.
What a fun, sexy time for us
Emily then realizes that she’s late for a test at Hollis and bolts out the door, leaving a strange lesbian alone in her apartment to rifle through her belongings and smell her pillow. I love that Emily is trying to finish college at Hollis, yet plans a date the night before a big test. Priorities, she’s got them!
Stayed up too late processing emotions and slept through exam: The Lesbian College Experience