It’s official: the photos of Tovah and Judy King have leaked and are all over the media. The crew discusses what they’ll do with their money: Poussey wants to take Soso to Amsterdam, Suzanne wants to rent a frog-shaped bounce house, and Taystee wants to follow D’Angelo on tour like white people follow Phish. As a white person, even I don’t understand those Phish folks, but to each their own. Tovah quickly realizes that, while the kiss provides some much-needed spin for Judy, Tovah will surely be brought in by Caputo.
But do they have that Kanye stage fall on video, though?
The ramifications of the photo spread throughout the prison, as Piscatella orders the guards to sweep Litchfield for contraband phones. He tells the guards that SHU is almost full, so they’ll need to start freestyling their punishments (I’m sure that will work out just fine). Luschek is nervous because the picture was sent from his phone.
Blanca is sick of the stop and frisks from the guards, but Maria doesn’t think it’s any more degrading than the 24/7 shit show that is being a prisoner. Maria tells Blanca to take a shower, but the lines have been too long with the overcrowding. We FLASHBACK to Blanca, who works as a caregiver for an old white woman named Millie. Millie keeps calling her Bianca because she likes the name better. Blanca puts up with Millie’s demands and casual racism, but she gets distracted when she sees the beefy gardener outside with the devil tattoo: this is Dario, aka Diablo. You might remember him from Season 1 when Blanca was sexting with him in the bathroom stall.
I don’t know Ms. Fletcher, a murder in Cabot Cove?
In the cafeteria, Nicky, Piper, and Alex are coming down from their crack party in the cornfield. Everyone is grossed out by today’s prison slop, and Piper and Alex dream about a Shake Shack burger and milkshake. Alex would also like a side of Cate Blanchett massaging her scalp, which, wouldn’t we all? Nicky is upset with Morello for getting married so quickly, and Morello calls her out for loving heroine more than her. They start fighting; Morello tells Red that Nicky is back on smack. Nicky storms out, and Red watches her go, sadly. Afterward, Morello gets in Angie’s face and calls her out for shower pooping.