Welcome back, Grey Anatomists. After a few weeks of repeats, we have a brand spankin’ new episode to discuss.
When we last left Seattle Grace, Meredith and Derek were officially engaged, Cristina had left Owen in search of a battered women’s shelter with a good wine cellar, Lexie and Mark came out of the relationship closet, causing a real rift between McSteamy and McDreamy, Izzie and Alex were trying to condense a lifetime together into the few short months she has left to live, and Callie and Arizona were in an apartment doing the dance craze that’s sweeping the nation: The Mock-Lesbians-Carena. But don’t worry about that. This episode takes care of that.
It’s morning in Casa Grey. Meredith admires her engagement ring, even though she has no plans to wear it, and tells Derek she’s not the white, poufy dress type. They decide to wear scrubs for their nuptials. In the kitchen, they find Mark and Lexie eating breakfast, the most revealing meal of the day. On their looks, Lexie starts gnawing on a piece of toast like a guilt-ridden squirrel.
Meanwhile, at the hospital, Callie and Arizona are happy as clams and share a guilt-free kiss on the stairs. Sweet.
It’s Bring Your Father to Work Day at Seattle Grace. Callie steps off the elevator with her dad and runs right into George. Mr. Torres slams his daughter’s ex-husband against the wall and berates him for cheating on his little girl. Horrified, Callie blurts out that she’s a cheater too; she slept with Mark.
Mark gets the Torres family greeting as well.
Callie assures her dad she’s happy now and dating someone "handsome and beautiful."
Callie looks at her father and says, "Daddy, please be OK with this," and grabs Arizona, who’s standing nearby, trying to look inconspicuous.
Right. Throwing Arizona up against a wall is Callie’s job.
Elsewhere, the Chief congratulates Meredith on her engagement, much to her chagrin. Doesn’t she know by now there are no secrets in that place? Misguided and interfering as ever, the Chief orders one of his best assets to spend her day trying on dresses in Izzie’s room, which now resembles a bridal boutique.Good managerial thinking. The Chief imagines himself the king of his little monarchy. M’kay.
"Balls," said the King. If he had ’em, he’d be Queen — he’d be Miranda Bailey, the real ruler. Queen Bailey’s proclamation of the day is to not do that "telling me your business thing" when Arizona tries to regale her with the funny story of meeting Callie’s dad.
Meredith would rather swallow her own tongue than try on Vera Wangs for Izzie, who’s found that wedding planning for Meredith and Derek gives her something to live for. Funny, I’ve heard planning a wedding can make you want to kill yourself.
Derek doesn’t want to find himself in a top hat and morning coat anymore than Meredith wants to drag a 15-foot train up the aisle. He tries talking Izzie down but you can’t argue with cancer and ends up agreeing to ballroom dancing lessons instead. When dealing with bridezillas, it’s best to get out of the way, even when the bridezilla is not the actual bride.
Elsewhere, Callie tells her father Arizona is a great place to visit.
Mr. Torres seems to think she is still 12 and tells Callie with a smile that she’s coming home with him. Because, what, there are no women where they live? Making us come home doesn’t make us less gay (or bisexual) — it only makes our moms do our laundry while we hit on the girl next door, who’s all grown up now. Perhaps he meant to say "boarding school." Because nothing gay happens there either.
In medical news, the doctors are treating two men from a car vs. pedestrian incident, one of which may be suicidal; an adorable little girl with a nifty purple hat and not-so nifty Tay-Sachs disease; and Izzie’s practical jokes. She pulls her wires, faking a code, which brings Cristina running.
You don’t want to play practical jokes on Cristina if you want to live as long as possible.
While Meredith tries to explain that she doesn’t want a dress that makes noise when it moves, or stands up all by itself, Callie is in another part of the hospital, suffering from Spanish Tourette’s.
Arizona listens to Callie ranting in two languages until Mark shows up to remind her she’s not a 12-year-old anymore. Callie tells him that her father has done nothing but support her through college and med school, and gave her a big, fat trust fund so she’ll never have to clip coupons. How can she not go along with his wishes?
He give her some advice in plain English: "Supporting someone and respecting someone aren’t the same thing. You need to tell him that."
Meanwhile, all is not still well between Derek and Mark, and it’s affecting Lexie’s ass — which is getting larger with each anxiously consumed cookie — and Derek’s choice for best man — he’s going with the Chief instead of his longtime friend.
Hope he likes a bachelor party that involves listening to Lena Horn and talking about hospital policy.
Meredith reminds Derek that her grudges are better than his: she has one against the Chief for having an affair with her mom and ruining her childhood. Also, Izzie continues to play dead just to get her to model wedding gowns. Meredith wins.
To put all their issues into perspective, the pedestrian from the car accident takes a header out of the eighth floor window and does a spectacular face plant on a parked car. Guess he was suicidal after all.
Alex and George take turns blaming each other, and in the process, let loose their own simmering animosity. Owen is so full of PTSD rage, he lets them both have it as they rush the human pancake into surgery.
Is no one happy, other than Callie? Oh, who am I kidding. I only care that Callie’s happy.
This is more than we can say for her dad, who’s in the Chief’s office, offering to reimburse the hospital for Callie’s training. That way, she can move home guilt-free.
He takes out his checkbook and asks how much is that lesbian in the window?
Even though the Chief singlehandedly invented over-reaching, he knows Mr. Torres can’t take Callie home just ’cause.
More medical news: The little girl in the purple hat is moments from slipping away, but her dad is too busy trying to get her to Mexico for some magical treatment to hug her. Bailey tells him not to let the last person she touches be a doctor or a nurse — it should be him. Also, Izzie finally tells Cristina that after all the fun and games, she knows her cancer is eating away at her body faster than Lexie can down a doughnut.
Callie has a shout match with her dad. After it’s over, Arizona asks how it went. Callie reports it went just swell: he cut off her trust fund, and she cut him off, period.
What’s an orthopedic surgeon to do? How will she support herself? Those questions aren’t nearly as pressing as what the hell is up with Owen?
On another floor, Owen confesses his own suicidal thoughts to the house shrink. Putting your feelings into words is the first step towards healing. Derek and Mark patch things up in the same way when Derek tells a patient’s wife that Mark doesn’t suck as a surgeon. Compliments don’t come easy to a guy who calls the woman he loves "dark and twisty."
Meredith gives in and puts on a happy face for Izzie as she tries on dress after poufy dress. This makes Izzie happy, confirming my belief that for some straight women, marriage is their raison d’etre. And mark my words, when we all have the legal right to marry, and it becomes part of our everyday lives, lesbians, with their innate U-hauling ways, are going to make those bridezillas seem downright ambivalent about mating for life.
Later that night in the bar, Alex and George beat their swords into swizzle sticks and make up, too. Lexie finally stops eating her pain when she sees that her boyfriend has made up with her sister’s fiancé.
Now all she has to do is pour the new junk in her trunk into a taffeta bride’s maid dress. Oh goodie. Another nightmare we’ll have to deal with when marriage equality is a given. I can’t wait for the day whole bridal parties are sporting fauxhawks.
Next week: Izzie’s white trash mother, Robbie, comes for a visit. Meanwhile, newly sober and missing his daughters, Meredith and Lexie’s dad comes back to make amends. The Chief and Meredith get into a smackdown over a controversial case.