“Pretty Little Liars” recap (7.1): Remembrances of Bangs Past

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Hello, #Boo crew, and welcome to the final season of Pretty Little Liars! Despite a less than stellar Season 6, Season 7 kicks off with a bang that is reminiscent of the best batshittery that PLL has to offer. 

But first, let’s recap: When we last left Rosewood, it was revealed that Jessica DiLaurentis had a twin sister, Mary Drake, who was A) Charlotte’s bio mom and B) in cahoots with Alison’s creepy husband Dr. Rollins. Apparently they teamed up to gaslight Ali and send her to the mental institution so they could gain control of Cece’s millions. Oh, and Rollins was in love with Charlotte. Meanwhile, the new Uber A, who now goes by A.D., demands that the Liars give them Charlotte’s killer OR ELSE. Hanna uses herself as bait to draw him out, and ends up getting kidnapped. Also, everyone got laid except for Emily Fields, who got her eggs stolen right out of her beautiful ovaries.

The episode starts with Aria, Emily, and Spencer digging a grave for someone. Emily is hysterical over the murder they’ve committed, but Spencer assures them that they’ll deal with this. Emily also says “poor Hanna,” which leads me to believe that the Liars have killed someone Hanna loves. Hoo boy, bet they’ll be teasing this one out all season. Speaking of seasons, Season 7 will air 10 episodes this summer, and then the final 10 of the series in 2017, which is annoying but apparently what shows are doing now. Le sigh.

unspecifiedEmily, you’ve killed a guy and dug literally thousands of graves. Get your shit together.

We flashback to the aftermath of Hanna’s kidnapping. The Liars and company watch as Mary Drake walks into the police station, wondering who this alien is who stole Jessica’s face. Caleb is ready to beat the truth out of her, but Toby goes in to do some detectiving. Once inside, he meets Mary, who tells him that she’s recently bought the Lost Woods resort and is there to report a break-in.

Outside, the Liars get a text from A.D. telling them that the bell tolls for Hanna. They turn around as the church bell starts ringing, and rush to the bell tower. There they see Hanna’s body suspended from the ceiling, contorted in rope. Everyone starts freaking out as they lower Hanna down, until they realize that it’s not Hanna at all. It’s a mask! Caleb peels the mask off to reveal a creepy baby doll face. They pull a string on the back of the dummy, and a creepy doll voice tells them they have 24 hours to find Charlotte’s killer or Hanna dies like, for real. THIS is why I love PLL so much: masks, dolls, masks on dolls, anonymous messages calling the Liars bitches…it’s really PLL at its finest. The show operates best when it’s full tilt crazy, and this set-up is my kind of crazy.

unspecified-1Hanna’s dead!

unspecified-2Hanna’s a Scooby Doo villain!

unspecified-3Hanna’s got a face transplant from the doll hospital!

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