“The Fosters” recap (4.1): “It’s the guns, stupid”


Previously on The Fosters, Jude told Taylor that maybe he’s not all that gay after all and kissed her square on her lips. Jesus reconnected with his Pops, only to get his dad arrested on account of being in the presence of minors while also being a sex offender. Callie found out that Shady Justina is, indeed, shady and blew up her own future to expose Justina’s responsibility for Jack’s death. Callie immediately paid the price when Justina was like, “Oh man, it’s too bad foster care poster girl Callie boned her brother! TTFN!” The moms were like, “LOL, of course that wasn’t all happening under our very noses,” but Callie assured them that she did, in fact, have sex with Brandon. But, you know, just the once. Stef beat cancer, got a hot haircut and beat the lesbian death curse. Mariana starred in the musical, dated Nick, kissed Mat, only to be discovered by Nick, who is looking hella unhinged as we begin tonight’s episode.

There are a lot of things in this world that scare me and entitled white boy with a gun is at the top of that list. I am going to start out by saying that I don’t love school shooting episodes. I never watched the Glee school shooting episode. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not with Sandy Hook so fresh; not even now. So, to be honest, if I wasn’t recapping this show I would have skipped this episode. I just want to be upfront about that. Because this stupid horrible world we live in where guns are everywhere and forty-nine beautiful souls can be gone in a night and dozens of children can be wiped out in an afternoon for the crime of going to school I cannot bear to bring more pain and more fear into my life.

But I do recap this show and I have since the first episode. So here I am watching and writing about it for you while my heart aches for Orlando and I try not to think of any of this when I drop my daughter off at school.

Nick is sitting in his car looking like he ran 10 miles and then went on a bender with Wynnona Earp and then decided not to sleep for three days and is now at Anchor Beach ready to do his best zombie impersonation. He is truly the embodiment of “if you see something, say something” because holy smokes does he reek of danger (and probably gasoline, smoke, booze, and the stench of teenage boy). In case that wasn’t enough, he reaches into his glove compartment and drops the gun he’s keeping in there into his backpack.

Callie is sitting in Lena’s office explaining just why she and Brandon made such a monumentally stupid decision. She is like, “I’m 16 and have a known penchant for destroying anything good in my life, usually at the hands of your idiot son.” Stef is ready to read her the riot act and is vibrating around the room at the kind of frequency that sends stray animals running for the hills. Lena tells Stef to chill the eff out because yelling isn’t going to fix any of this nonsense. Stef practically pouts because man, does she want to yell at someone (but never Brandon because he’s the golden boy).

Fosters 4011

They are discussing types of potential energy when Nick walks in to demonstrate the potential energy of an entitled white by with hurt feelings. That potential becomes actual when he’s handed a gun through the clusterfuck of our Second Amendment and utter lack of meaningful restriction on gun ownership.

Daria has some questions about Jude’s sexuality so of course she asks Taylor about it. What does it mean that Jude kissed Taylor? What about Connor? Can we process this for the next three days? Taylor doesn’t know Jude’s birthday let alone where he falls on the Kinsey scale. She sings a little of Salt ‘N Pepa’s “None of Your Business” while titrating.

In spite of her flannel, attitude, set of her jaw, and general awesomeness, Emma is not a lesbian (there’s always fanfic). She would like to have some sex, and she has chosen Jesus to help her scratch that particular itch. That’s not the twin I would have gone with, General Washington, but who am I to quibble? Good luck at Monmouth.

More you may like