“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (7.01): Things that go bump on the head

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Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Special Agent Monica Reyes turned out to be Det. Jane Rizzoli’s life ruiner. I’m assuming this is because she caught Special Agent Dana Scully looking at Jane at a law enforcement convention and got jealous. Hey, seems as good a reason as any.

When last we saw our Boston friends they were celebrating Korsak and Kiki’s wedding and all standing around outside the Dirty Robber like standing shooting targets. Then, the inevitable shots rang out.

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There’s screaming, broken glass, blood. Maura slumps against the wall with a head wound. Jane waves her gun into the night sky. Then, because this is a show about women with women in charge, Jane takes off her high heels before running off to find the shooter. Hey, Hollywood, take note: NO WOMAN RUNS IN FUCKING HIGH HEELS.

Of course, because Jane is Jane she runs off before checking on the carnage behind her. On the ground is Nina, with blood pooling around her shoulder. And also down is Maura, who has a nasty looking cut on her forehead. So, she’s a good cop, but a terrible girlfriend/friend.

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A barefoot Jane runs into a dark alley. Normally I’d be very appalled at this, because people shouldn’t even wear flip-flops on big city streets–let alone nothing at all. But, hey, it’s clearly a studio set so there’s no chance she’ll step on a stray needle, broken glass or a Pizza Rat.

Frankie joins the search, but they get stymied at a fire escape where they think the shooter has gone up. Jane wants to follow because she is Jane, but Frankie convinces her to stay earthbound. Instead, they set up a search and go back to see who actually, you know, got shot.

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Jane sees Nina in the ambulance with Smug and still kilted Kent. As the doors are closing he tells her, “Jane, Maura suffered a…” Dude, don’t bury the lede. When you’re talking to Jane, always tell her what is happening with Maura immediately.

Jane runs into the bar, checks on her mom who tells her to check on Maura instead. Jesus, Jane, I know this is a crisis situation, but your girlfriend instincts are seriously rusty. Like, is that dress restricting valuable oxygen to your brain? That’s the only reason I can think of for this painful lack of appropriate attention.

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When she (finally) does focus in on her lady, Jane gets her to confess she has a possible concussion as well as the visible cut. Jane then demands Maura go to the hospital. Trying to make up for her previous inattentiveness with over attentiveness–so like Jane.

Maura tries to break the tension by teaching everyone some deep breathing techniques. So, there’s your answer; they’re into tantra. Which, if you consider the evidence, actually makes sense. The intense way Jane stares at Maura has to be tempered somehow or they both might, um, explode.

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