“Wentworth” recap (4.2): Conjugal Visits

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Man, Wentworth is so much fun so far this season! And by “fun,” I mean “a terrifying jack-in-the-box, where at any moment a lesbian will pop out and try to either stab you or kiss you,” but the intrigue is livelier than in seasons past, the mood less depressive.

Last week, Joan Ferguson returned to Wentworth as a prisoner, awaiting trial and locked in protective custody. Vera fought to maintain control over the prison, and thought she might have finally found a true friend in Bridget, so she was pretty disappointed to learn that Bridget and Frankie were shacked up together in glorious bliss (which was nevertheless both a violation of Bridget’s code of ethics and Frankie’s parole). Kim cut up her lovely face trying to scale the walls. Kaz Proctor posed a serious challenge to Bea’s dominance, using her wits, cunning, and a minor in feminist performance art to earn the respect of the other women. Bea herself found it rather hard to get excited about anything right up until the moment Allie, Kaz’s second-in-command, tried to give her head in the showers, which came as a not-entirely-unpleasant shock to everybody.

This week opens with Joan Ferguson getting some very bad news. She learns that her thug, Nils Jasper, has turned stool pigeon on her and confessed to his part in her diabolical plan.

wentworth2.1AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HER GRUDGE AGAINST AMBER HEARD. LET’S JUST SAY DEPORTATION WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD’VE HAPPENED TO THOSE DOGS.

Though Jasper’s betrayal might seriously derail her chance at freedom, Joan isn’t worried. In fact, she literally whispers aloud, “Dead men tell no tales.”

WENTWORTH2.2THAT WAS THE MAIN LESSON I GLEANED FROM PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN BEFORE THEY KICKED ME OFF THE RIDE.

It is so operatically overblown it is almost adorable, much like the rest of Joan’s personality.

In the next cell over, Bridget pays Kim a friendly visit, but Kim is apparently still mad about that whole “I got thrown back into prison to be with Frankie, and then you stole her from me” thing. Bridget is calmly like, “Now Kim, Frankie got her parole because she wanted freedom, not just my lithe, willing body and convertible and beautiful house and ability to intellectually challenge her.”

wentworth2.3I’MA PRESCRIBE YOU 200 MILLIGRAMS OF “WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE,” OKAY?

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