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“Call the Midwife” recap (5.6): A Womb With a View

Call the Midwife has gone from the show I regularly enjoy to my weekly cathartic release of emotions and tears. Just when I think we’ve watched the weepiest episode, a new one comes along that punches even deeper. Perhaps what makes this drama so immediate and deeply felt for me is its focus: every story told on CTM is distinctly, irrepressibly female in nature. This Bechdel-smashing series may be about midwives, but its real theme is the cruelty and mistreatment of women by a society that refuses to help or understand them. Patriarchy, am I right ladies?

We open this episode with a pensioner’s luncheon thrown by Nonnatus House and the Poplar community. Children are playing, Sister Monica Joan is eating, and Patsy is wearing her adorable girl scout uniform. No joke, if I had that outfit, I would wear it every day.

Lesbians and teen boys: dressing alike since forever!

Some of the pensioners are harassing the midwives, flirting with them and pinching their butts. Remember folks; this was back when sexual harassment was all LOLs and frivolities! What a time to be alive. We meet Thora, a middle-aged fish monger who is pregnant, and her shy daughter Diane. Thora tells the midwives that she’s delivering at the hospital on account of her age, but they offer their assistance nonetheless.

You guys like Clams Casino? Bc I found these beauties on the floor of a Harrahs!

Over at the clinic, Dr. Turner naps in the waiting room while Nurse Crane autoclaves his instruments. While he sleeps, Tim and Shelagh plan a surprise with help from Patsy. Tim wakes up his dad and tells him that the family should take a holiday, but Dr. Turner assures him they are too busy with work.

Later that night, Tom and Barbara are walking home after watching the wholesome Christian film Whistle Down the Wind. They share a chaste kiss before they are interrupted by a woman screaming for help. They take the woman, Lizzy, to Tom’s flat and Barbara cleans up her wounds. Lizzy is a sex worker who got attacked by a john who hired her. They look at her bruises and notice a bite mark on her neck. Tom urges Lizzy to go to the police, but she refuses because sex work is illegal. Besides, she has kids to care for, and the police can’t be bothered to protect a prostitute. (I’m so glad that in 2016, we’ve moved beyond demonizing sex workers and belittling their assaults! Wait, we still do that? What the fuck is wrong with us?)

This might be a bad time, but have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?

Barbara comes home to find Patsy and Delia waiting up with hot Ovaltine. They ask for Barbara’s help with some sewing, and Barbara tells them about the attack. Trixie comes in from her AA meeting (which she is still calling her art history classes) and joins them for a cup.

The next day, Barbara brings a thank you note to Thora and Diane for supplying seafood for the luncheon. She notices that Thora is moving heavy boxes despite her pregnancy, but Thora tells her she feels fine. Barbara reports Lizzy’s attack to Sgt. Noakes, who is appalled, but tells her that he can’t do anything about it without getting a statement from Lizzy. Noakes tells Barb that it may not be right, but the law states that both Lizzy and her attacker have broken the law, and Lizzy could lose her kids if she’s arrested for solicitation.

Sorry, we’re too busy being the fucking worst to help your friend.

Back at Nonnatus House, Sister Julienne has a talk with Sister Mary Cynthia about prayer. She says that when the sisters sing their prayers, Cynthia’s voice is too soft, and she needs to sing her praises loudly so God can hear her. Apparently, Cynthia didn’t want to draw undue attention to herself, but she’s done it anyway by being too quiet. Another subset of another culture demanding impossible things from their women. There’s always too much or never enough, with nothing in between.

We then head over to Thora’s flat, where it is revealed that Diane is the pregnant one! Thora has been faking her pregnancy to protect her daughter’s reputation, after her boyfriend up and left her after knocking her up. Thora, who has had four kids, promises Diane that they can deliver the baby at home and pass it off as her sister, with no one being the wiser. She shows her what she’ll use for the delivery: a ball of twine, scissors, and some towels. Yikes.

Mum, why are we using children’s art supplies to get this baby out of me?

Over at the clinic, Julienne helps a mum named Judith with an infant that won’t stop crying. She recommends brisk outdoor walks to calm the baby, and Judith readily accepts the advice. Dr. Turner comes home to a fancy dinner and a surprise: the Turners are taking a holiday and going camping! Shelagh assures him that, with the midwives and a visiting doctor, everything will be taken care of at work.

We meet the substitute doctor, a retired old gent named Dr. Godfrey, who immediately makes a bad impression by implying that Nurse Crane is old enough for retirement. He then adds insult to injury by making a feeble attempt at flirting with her. Gross.

Hello, ladies, I’m here to explain feminism to you.

BRO DON’T EVEN

Back at Nonnatus House, Cynthia finds out that Sister MJ is undergoing a spiritual fast. Despite her failure to keep Lent, MJ wants to participate in this “mortification of the flesh” to prove that she can sustain sacrifice. Cynthia worries about MJ’s health, but she promises her that she has no need for treats. This is a bummer since Monica Joan and pastries is my OTP.

Shelagh and Tim pack up the family car with tents and sleeping bags borrowed from the boy scouts. The midwives laugh at Dr. Turner’s preferred camping clothes: shorts. I don’t know why, but there is always something hilarious and dorky about seeing middle-aged men in shorts. It’s just wrong.

That socks and sandals combo is what got Shelagh to renounce celibacy.

Julienne visits Judith at home and sees that she’s been bruised and bitten on the neck. She’s too embarrassed to Julienne about the assault, so Julienne goes to Sgt. Noakes. Once again, his hands are tied without a victim’s statement. Noakes asks Barbara to help him find Lizzy and try to convince her to make a statement.

The Turners head into the campsite, where it is pouring with rain. They can’t light a fire, and their tents keep collapsing. This is why I prefer my camping in a hotel with cable and room service. Dr. Turner keeps thinking about work and is unable to relax. Also, we find out that baby Angela is scared of squirrels, even Squirrel Nutkins, which is adorable. Dr. Turner gives up on camping and takes the family to a local hotel.

Noakes and Barbara stake out the wharf, where they find Lizzy. She tells them that if they really want to help, they can find her shit sack husband who ditched the family and forced her into sex work to support her children. She gives them nothing and walks away.

Have you tried NOT being the fucking worst?

Noakes calls Fred and has the Citizens Defense Corps set up volunteer patrols through Poplar to keep people safe. Meanwhile, Diane’s water breaks and she and Thora rush home to deliver the baby. Thora puts Diane in a hot bath and makes her bite down on a rag to cover her screams. Eventually, she delivers the baby while standing up and leaning against a wall, which I didn’t even know was possible. It’s bloody and horrific, but the baby is healthy.

Back at Nonnatus, Patsy, Delia, MJ, and Dr. Godfrey are watching a quiz show on TV, when Crane storms in and chastises Dr. Godfrey for failing to check in on a sick patient. She demands that he see the patient tomorrow, and he responds with a half-assed apology and a wink. Crane is in no mood for his bullshit and says so. When she leaves, he likens her to the warrior goddess Britannia, and Patsy and Delia share a look that is basically, “Ugh men are garbage.”

Later that night, Patsy joins Trixie in their room. Trixie asks her where she was, and she tells her that she was in Delia’s room learning a new card game. Sure you were, girl!

You know, the kind of card game that leaves you sweaty and hankering for a cigarette?

It’s been over an hour since the delivery, and Diane still hasn’t pushed out the afterbirth. Thora leaves her sitting on a pot while she rushes out to call Nonnatus House. She asks to speak to Trixie, but instead gets old Dr. Godfrey, who tells her just to yank on the umbilical cord, pip pip cheerio! Trixie walks in on the phone call and realizes that something is up. She wakes up Cynthia, and they head to Thora’s flat.

Thora comes home and assures Diane that she know what to do. Diane lies down, and Thora yanks hard on the umbilical cord, causing her to scream in pain. I’m not very squeamish, but this scene was horrific. I think my vagina sealed itself after watching this episode. Trixie and Cynthia arrive and diagnose the damage as a uterine inversion…basically, Thora pulled too hard, and Diane’s womb came out. OF HER BODY. I may have screamed NO! so loudly it woke up the dog.

Worst.Day.Ever.

Trixie pushes her uterus back in place and sends Cynthia to call an ambulance. Outside, Cynthia meets Fred, who walks her to and from the phone booth. The ambulance arrives, and Trixie rides with them. Cynthia cleans up the bloody mess and bikes home alone. She stops to watch the sun rise over the Thames, and enjoys a brief moment of prayer before she is assaulted.

Thora waits for Diane to come out of surgery, and is wracked with guilt. She was so concerned with Diane’s reputation that she put her and the baby in danger. We find out that Thora has a shotgun wedding when she got pregnant with Diane and wanted to give her the fresh start she never had. She decides that she’s done with keeping secrets and caring what everyone thinks.

The Turners are enjoying the comforts of the hotel, but Patrick can’t stop worrying about work. He calls the clinic and finds out about Diane. He ends the holidays and tells everyone to pack up: they’re going back to Poplar.

Just had the craziest dream that patients are yoinking out uteruses left and right.

Cynthia wakes up bruised, bloodied, and alone on the dock. She grabs her wimple and limps home. Trixie finds her and tries to examine her, but Cynthia refuses to be touched by anyone. She’s scared, angry, and traumatized. Barbara calls Noakes, but she refuses to talk about the attack, only to tell them that she wasn’t raped, but was bitten. When Julienne tries to comfort her, she tells her that just before the attack, she felt an intense closeness to God. What kind of God would let a nun get attacked mid-prayer? She offers to pray with her, but Cynthia wants to be left alone. She runs a bath while ignoring Trixie and Patsy’s offers of help.

Julienne goes to visit Judith and urges her to talk about her attack. She reveals that she was ashamed to report it because, moments before the attack, she abandoned her crying baby on the road. She was so overwhelmed by his constant crying, she couldn’t take it anymore, and is so ashamed of herself that she accepted the attack as punishment for being a bad mum. Once she confesses this to her husband and Julienne, she feels a weight lifted off of her.

Fine, but I draw the line at shaving your legs

Back at Nonnatus House, Sister MJ joins Cynthia in the bathroom, and gently bathes her and comforts her as she cries. She tells Cynthia to marvel at her own strength and endurance, and Cynthia decides to give her statement to the police. The cops take photos of her bruises and are able to track the criminal to a Russian boat on the docks and arrest him. Cynthia feels the burden lift and realizes that she has great reserves of untapped strength that are a gift from God. Just like in the choir, she must raise her voice.

Speaking of raising voices, Trixie comes clean and tells Patsy and Delia that she is in AA. They are kind and supportive. Thora brings the baby to Diane and tells her that they won’t lie anymore. Diane will be a mum and Thora will help her.

Seriously, though, how cute is Patsy in pigtails?

What a heartbreaker of an episode. This show, you guys. This show.

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