Previously on The Fosters, Mat is Romeo, Mariana is Juliet, and they can barely contain their love/hate while singing overwrought power ballads written by Brandon. Callie has teamed up with the sketchiest lady this side of Vico to make Fost and Found the next big thing (and if a few foster kids get screwed over in the process, well…bygones). Stef got cancer (stage not-Dana Fairbanks), had a double mastectomy and a lot of feelings but dear god, do not ask her about her feelings because she doesn’t want to talk about it, all right? Jesus tracked down his birth dad, but he isn’t allowed to hang out with him on account of Gabe being on the sex offender registry. Jude and Connor broke up because they are 13.
I watched “Legally Blonde” last night, so I think I’m qualified to represent Daphne.
Callie thinks Daphne deserves to have Tasha back. She’s worked hard, refrained from kicking Callie’s ass since that one time in juvie, and if Callie had a biological parent who cared about her, she would be with them. Well, unless you’re talking about Robert. The judge is willing to give Daphne a chance if she can get a job that will support her and Tasha within thirty days. She would also like Daphne to learn to fly.
Stef and Lena, their bedroom, getting ready for work: Stef is stomping around, bitching about having to go and get filled with saline every week. Why didn’t they just put the implants in when they did the mastectomy? Grumble, grumble, stomp, stomp. Lena has a thought, why not just skip the implants? Stef grumbles about how not having boobs will make her the butt of every joke at the precinct not to mention that will fuck up their sex life. Lena has an answer, and that answer is that she thinks Stef is hot with or without boobs, and she will have sex with her right that goddamn minute if Stef wants. As always, the problem is not with Lena; the problem is in Stef’s head.
Too butch? That’s not a real thing.
Mariana and Jesus interrupt (because of course). They have letters of support for Gabe from Ana, Victor, Elena, and the twins. They want Stef to deliver them because they aren’t allowed to go near him.
Mariana and Mat have dueling make-outs at the warehouse where Jesus is showing everyone just how little he learned at the construction site. Brandon wants Mat and Mariana to pretend to like each other and Mat responds by slut shaming Mariana. Come on, Mat! Nick sticks up for Mariana and Zoe decides to tell him that Mariana cheated on Mat. So much high school. Can we go back to the moms now?
Gabe can’t believe Ana, her parents, and the twins all wrote letters for him. Stef cuts to the chase—does he want to get to know the twins or not? He doesn’t know how to be a parent. They don’t need a parent, but Jesus wants to know Gabe if he’s up for it.
I’m deciding about whether I need boobs to feel like a woman, so I don’t actually have that much time to devote to you.