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“The Family” recap (1.1): Meet The Warrens

Hello, and welcome to AfterEllen’s recaps of The Family. This is not a super gay show, but we do have a lesbian (or is she?!?) character who may become important. So heads up: We may be doing some glossing over to scenes that are not so much relevant to her. But hey, there’s plenty of fun to be had!

We start with a frantic search through old evidence boxes. A policewoman who we’ll learn is Nina Meyer tells you that in every career, there’s the case that makes you and the case that breaks you. And sometimes those are the same case. She comes up with a ship in a bottle.

A barefoot boy walks along a deserted highway and oh, good, we’re in for a treat. If you’ve seen the opening to the noir classic Kiss Me Deadly or the opening to the French classic Diva, you know that if you see someone barefoot in a non-barefoot transportation scenario, you are in for some awesome dark craziness. Let’s do this.

Our barefoot young man comes up to the outskirts of a town that my brain is insisting on reading as Red Vines, but it’s Red Pines, Maine.

Now it’s 10 years ago, and get used to flipping back and forth in time. We’re at a terrible campaign event for Claire Warren (the always terrific Joan Allen), who is running for City Council and seems to be pretty bad at it. Two of her kids, Danny and Willa, are helping out, but the youngest, Adam, is staring at a SHIP IN A BOTTLE! I thought we’d have to wait for that, but no: Bango, ship in a bottle, right up top.

Claire’s husband John is sweet and supportive, and Danny wants to bail because teenager. Willa is totally into campaigning and rules and is basically Leslie Knope. Dad checks in with Adam to admire the ship he built, and Adam tells him that there’s no crew because it’s a ghost ship and also because this is a day of creepy omens. Dad finds that adorable.

The kids leave, Mom tells them super casually to watch Adam, and Danny immediately peaces out while Adam walks up to the scariest ice cream truck in all creation. It might as well be dripping hatchets.

Back in the present, the barefoot boy has hit a gas station and needs a ride into town.

Back in the past—but not enough in the past to know what happened during a crucial few minutes—Danny makes out with a girl in the rain as Willa gets more and more desperate to find Adam. A worried Willa turns, police lights flash on her face, and now we’re in the middle of search squads at the picnic area, and then we fade to the desperate family sitting at home. It’s a really well-done shorthand for the awful stages of a child search. The family is already at a breaking point as the two older siblings try to throw blame and their parents scream at them.

(Psst. In a fast, angry aside, Danny tells Willa she wouldn’t even know what making out is because she’s a “freak of nature.” Five bucks on Willa having some ladyfeelings she’s not dealing with.)

Young officer Nina Meyer tells the family to pull it the hell together and stop sniping at each other or Adam is as good as dead. It’s effective. John is skeptical that a “little girl” like Nina can get anything done, but she is freaking all over this case. I might love her.

Back in the present, Meyer is a big detective now. The boy from the roadside asks for her by name (How?) at the police station. He points at the poster and says he’s the missing boy.

Claire Warren is now a mayor, and, oh, dear, heavily into “family values.” Reporters at her press conference wonder when she’s running for governor. Suddenly everyone’s phones light up. Someone leaked that Adam’s back.

John Warren is now an author with a clearly very famous book on grief. He seems to enjoy public speaking and working his audiences a bit. Police officers arrive with the news.

Yikes, the show’s first misfire: Danny is in his cheap hotel room, and two Slutty Bad Ladies are in there. See what Bad Ladies dress like?

Danny apparently does nothing but drink and lounge with Bad Ladies and “cash checks” for a living now. But they do watch the local news.

Claire and Willa rush into the hospital. Meyer already has teams out in the woods searching for the bastard that took Adam. Danny asks how they know it’s Adam, and Meyer says they ran a DNA test. You should maybe remember that DNA test.

She tells them that Adam was kept in shackles, and there are signs of other abuse. Claire almost can’t handle it, and Meyer tells her to take 30 seconds and then shut down that freakout because what’s important here is Adam being able to feel safe. I officially love her.

The boy in the hospital gown—Adam, we guess—watches cartoons. Claire goes in to connect and hugs him tightly as Meyer watches carefully. Claire holds Adam close and cries. He looks bewildered. Willa goes in, but Danny hangs back.

Ten years ago, Young Willa says she told Adam to wait for her across the street (Why?) and that she only saw him talking to her, the ice cream guy, and Hank. Who’s Hank, you ask? That would be the guy who lives across the street and already has an indecent exposure rap. And he apparently got pressured into pleading guilty. Hey, Hank is Andrew McCarthy looking super creepy! Anyway, present Hank, since our DNA test says that the kid you murdered just walked back into town, it looks like you can go. Whoopsie, only 10 years of your life gone! No hard feelings, right, Hank? Hank looks at Meyer, who put him away.

Meyer looks like she’s in Hell, which is only intensified by the sea of flashbulbs she pulls up into. John Warren has arrived. He wants to hug Adam right away, but Claire says let’s do this inside. Goodness, how warm. Willa helps Meyer moves the press back.

Adam moves through the house, getting back in touch with furniture and bric-a-brac. Meyer wants to question Adam immediately so she can catch the dirtbag who abducted him. Claire wants time for Adam to adjust and maybe also a shrink. Meyer is a huge advocate for Adam, or at least for catching his abductor, but her face suggests that she is not crazy about his family.

Hank’s day is not getting any better. As he walks through his neglected house, he learns that nobody told him his mother died a month ago. Oh, but he can stay in the house for a while, so totes no problem.

Meyer asks Adam about the man in the woods. He says the man had gravelly skin, and she writes down “pockmarks.” Adam says he was kept in a basement room with a door in the ceiling and was never outside.

Hank tries walking around out in the world and gets stared at by everyone as his face is all over the news. He eats a mall pizza in the middle of a widening circle of empty tables.

Meyer interviews Adam. He says sometimes the Bad Man wouldn’t close the door, and he could see outside through a window upstairs. Adam could see a red dragon. He says he watched it “while the man lied on top of me.” Which is super creepy phrasing, and also interesting—it seems like a grammar mistake of a kid younger than Adam was when he was abducted. So maybe something that’s calculated to both give authenticity and shake up his parents? Claire hates this—she doesn’t want to hear about her kid getting raped. Adam says the dragon would breathe fire right at him.

Meyer says she’s going to get that man. And her facial expression says that when she does, she is going to personally remove his liver.

Ten years ago, John and Claire are arguing as Willa eavesdrops. John says Danny’s drunk and Willa is becoming a religious nut job, and it’s not the time for Claire’s campaign. Claire disagrees. She screams that Adam isn’t coming back. Meyer, the Awkward Arm of the Law, arrives in the middle of this and says the judge denied a search warrant because there’s no evidence of Hank Asher having anything to do Adam’s disappearance.

Back in the present, Danny snarks on how much food Adam is eating at breakfast and Willa asks Danny if he’ll make it to noon without drinking today. Ruh-row! Danny takes it out on the reporters camped out on their lawn, making a hand gesture through the blinds. Willa pushes Claire to come out as a mom and a mayor to handle the situation publicly, what with her going for the governorship and all. John had thought she maybe wouldn’t announce her candidacy, you know, since their murdered son just came back. Adam asks for more eggs. Danny points out that Adam used to hate eggs. Even just the smell made him sick, in fact. Um. No one has an answer for that.

Lady-loving character introduction! This is not a drill.

Hey! It’s a big-time newspaper office! The Red Pines Tribune. Apparently they have quite the budget! Reporters! Rushing around! The editor, Gus, charges through the room telling everyone to investigate every last thing about the Claire. Bridey Cruz (Hello, Floriana Lima!) rushes up and says she wants to be put on the Warren story. Gus says every major newspaper in the country is all over it, and she’s just a “lesbian lifestyle blogger.” You know, a specifically tasked lesbian lifestyle blogger. Like your big Maine newspapers all have. Gus says the mayor won’t talk to her. Bridey counters that the mayor won’t talk, but her son will. Uh-oh.

John Warren runs into Hank at the grocery store, which will be happening 18,000 more times since they live across the street from each other again. There’s just not going to be any getting around some uncomfortable barbecues. John tells Hank he’s sorry for what happened to him, and Hank says, “Your family happened to me.” And, lest you feel too sorry for Hank, he says he spent his time in jail wishing he had done it—taken their son and murdered him. “Don’t feel sorry for what happened to me,” says Hank, “I didn’t spend a minute feeling sorry for what happened to you.” Andrew McCarthy is doing a real fine job of being unsettling.

Maybe-Adam looks all fascinated at a ship in a bottle, just like he used to. Danny asks why Maybe-Adam didn’t run at least once in ten years when the Bad Man brought food or forgot to lock the door. Adam says he did run, the very first chance, which was yesterday.

And then Adam asks Danny how the ship gets in the bottle. YOU USED TO MAKE THOSE, BRO. LIKE ALL THE TIME. Danny knows something is off and brings it to Claire and Willa. Claire and Willa point out that Danny is a career drunk now and suggest that he put a sock in it re: family members who are back from the dead. Danny stands firm that something’s not right and Willa yells that they did a DNA test, for chrissakes. Claire calls Danny a drunk again and says it’s her fault for cleaning up after him, but nevertheless, he is a drunk, and he is confused. And then she cuts off all further dialogue. Hey, I bet that turns out to be a good idea!

Adam, on the stairs, heard every bit of that. (Also, we establish that he was nine when he disappeared—too old to have made that little-kid grammatical error earlier. Hmm.)

Meyer drives around steep wet mountain roads looking for a red dragon. And she finds one. She sees fires on the mountain in the sunset.

10 years ago, young Willa watches Hank leave to walk his dog, then sneaks into his house past his parakeet and napping mom. This is a dangerous game, Willa. She goes upstairs and starts rifling drawers. Hank comes back after an awfully short walk while Willa is still upstairs and we see her staring wide-eyed at a SHIP IN A BOTTLE IN HANK’S DRAWER.

…But Willa had a backpack on when she came in. Did she find the SOB, or did she plant it? No time to wonder! Hank’s dog is on the case, barking and rushing upstairs. Hank prowls through the house, knowing something is up. Willa makes it down a back stairway, through the house and out! She sprints across to home. How did she sell that to the police?

Present Meyer explains that the dragon is the sunset hitting the northern mountain range across a row of oil refineries spouting fire. They have a search area.

Claire looks through old photos. She admits she gave up on more than Adam. Claire tells John she won’t run for governor. A photographer catches a picture just as she and John hug it out. He’s annoyed because he thinks this was a planned press opportunity. Claire points out that John did his own checking out of their marriage by touring with his book for years. She says he wasn’t too lonely. Yeowch.

Hey, a bar! Bridey tries to get away from a dude who just won’t leave her alone by pretending that Danny, drinking alone, is her boyfriend. Which she does by kissing Danny full on the mouth.

Danny is delighted. She can’t believe he doesn’t recognize her. She says she’s Bridey Cruz from high school. Danny is embarrassed not to have placed her. (Hmm…) but she takes it in good form. She asks how Adam is, and Danny explains how guilty he feels about how he was supposed to be watching Adam and wasn’t. Bridey says “I remember. I was there,” and we get an overlay of flashback suggesting that she was Danny’s teen makeout that day.

Really? That detail is meant to have slipped his mind? We don’t think that her name was thrown at Danny once or twice over the intervening years? Harumph.

Bridey writes her number down on Danny’s napkin and hands it to him, then says that they all have scars. She leaves and we see her slipping a wad of cash to the guy who was supposedly bothering her earlier.

So we’re introduced to our queer female character as an opportunistic seductress, bringing us to an overall crankiness score of 7. Let’s hope this aspect of the show gets a little more interesting.

Maybe-Adam wakes up with Claire asleep in the chair next to his bed. He stealthily gets up.

Willa goes to church.

Police close in through the woods.

Maybe-Adam, downstairs in the dark, watches footage of Young Adam’s birthday over and over. Young Adam says “I want a big piece! I want the frosting!” over and over.

The police burst into a cabin! It’s just a dumb bong party. A woman hilariously says “I thought you said it was legal now!” In Maine?

Willa starts her confession. It’s been 10 years since she’s confessed truthfully.

In the dark, Maybe-Adam practices saying “I want a big piece! I want the frosting!” Eeeeeeeeek.

Ten years ago, young Meyer grills Hank. Hank says he didn’t take that ship in the bottle. He paid his fine, and he registered as a sex offender. Uh oh, Meyer has his computer, which is full of child porn. Andrew McCarthy is so good at being vile. Hank says he looks at child porn but he doesn’t act on it as though that makes it okay. Meyer works on him, telling him he can’t help being that way (honestly, we get into some pretty uncomfortable “born this way” territory) and how she can help him… If only he’ll tell her what he did. She says he’ll get sentenced to death if she lets the prosecutors make him into a monster. But if he confesses, she’ll protect him.

“There is no God,” Meyer tells him, “because if there was, why would he make something like you?”

Present day, Meyer drinks straight from a bottle as she looks at the evidence. John arrives, and she tells him to go. He says he’s married to a machine, and his boy isn’t the same, so he needs to help her find the monster.

Meyer says she’s the monster. She railroaded the wrong man into jail, and she stopped looking for Adam and said their son was dead. Every scar on Adam is due to her. John says she saved him, John, and suddenly he and Meyer are kissing their faces off HEY DON’T DO THAT ON THE EVIDENCE!

OK, so far I’m not crazy about the treatment of Bridey, but overall this show is agreeably screwed up.

Claire helps Maybe-Adam tie his tie. She wants it to be Really Adam so bad.

Time for an announcement! Mayor Claire is set up in front of a flag that’s roughly the size of an Olympic swimming pool. She says she’s all about family and she and her family got a happy ending with Adam coming home, but that’s not the norm. So she wants to increase child protection laws! She’s announcing her candidacy for Governor of Maine! Surprise! Oh, man, John really thought she wouldn’t do this and he haaates this so much. (OK, but really, John, you don’t bring out the Super Deluxe flag for a non-candidacy.) Why are ruthless politicians named Claire so awesome?

In the crowd, Hank watches Claire. Meyer watches Hank.

Meanwhile, back at The Red Pines Tribune, Editor Gus bitches at Bridey. They’re getting smoked by the other papers. Oh, but she has a scoop. And a hell of a scoop it is. Remember that DNA test on Maybe-Adam? The one that convinced the family and the police and set Hank free? That one? That fairly important DNA test?

Bridey just found out that the doctor who verified Adam’s DNA test doesn’t exist. BaBAM!

Back where we started the episode, Meyer is looking at the ship in the bottle—the pedophile’s prints were on it, but not the kid’s. Just like someone wiped it for her to find.

Meanwhile, a possibly craggy-faced man buys a paper about the case and drives off in a muddy old truck.

OK! Lots to think about as this settles into a Sunday night schedule. Let’s generate some truly nutball fan theories and hope that Bridey has more trouble to stir up next week.

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