“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.16): Stolen Eggs and Breakfast Threats

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Well, folks, we’re more than halfway through Season 6B—how are we feeling? We’ve got a new whimsical A, a hot and heavy Spaleb, and Emily’s eggs. I feel like eggs and IVF is going to be the new “pregnant lesbian” trope sweeping television in 2016, mark my words.

Anyhoozle, we open with some hot hetero action: Hanna and Jordan are staying in a tacky motel sex suite, complete with a heart-shaped bed, hanging cupids, and satin sheets. Hanna is taking a vacation from life, and I support it.

liars-2I can’t wait to bring Mona here for our anniversary!

Back at Radley, Spencer has followed Aria down the rabbit hole where they find a secret hallway with dusty file cabinets and an old electro-shock table like the one they were tortured with inside the dollhouse. Spencer finds a door with a clean doorknob like she’s Nancy Drew, and they wander down the hallway of despair until they reach an equally clean file cabinet. If cleanliness is suspicious, then I must be the most innocent girl in all the world.

liars-5If you like watching Sparia climb through vaginally-shaped holes in walls, then this is your episode

They move the file cabinet aside to follow yet another hole through some brick, which leads them to a back exit out of Radley. Apparently Sara’s been using the secret exit to sneak in and out of the hotel for her glove-wearing fried chicken snacks and general stalking. Sidebar: the idea that they renovated Radley and didn’t know about this passage is next level bonkers. My mother is a general contractor, so believe me when I tell you that this is legit insane.

Spencer rushes home to tell Caleb about the Radley escape route but is shocked when he tells her about the opposition file on Yvonne’s phone. Apparently they’ve broken ALL the laws and dug up Veronica’s medical records, which show that she was sick. Spencer knew she was sick a long time ago, but these reports are recent. The campaign is gonna leak the files in an effort to smear Veronica…with her own sickness? I mean, grievous trespass aside, wouldn’t Veronica’s status as a survivor help her campaign?

liars-7They’re talking about her cancer? Phew, that means they don’t know about all the dead bodies on our lawn!

Guess who’s back in town? Newly silver fox Det. Tanner! Tanner visits Ali and Rollins and tells them that Charlotte fought back against her attacker. According to forensics, Charlotte was murdered with a rectangular metal rod, which rules the golf club out. Also, Charlotte got a phone call in the middle of night, which is probably why she left the house.

liars-9I like how Dr. Rollins stands behind Ali like a metaphorical looming cloud of patriarchy

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