“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.15): Aria Enters the Closet, Falls into Narnia

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So we’re now five episodes into the new flash-forward world of Pretty Little Liars. How’s everybody feeling? Confused? Bored? Excited? It seems like Season 6B isn’t exactly setting the world on fire, and Evil EmojA doesn’t have that classic PLL magic. At least we get Spencer in lingerie, so that’s something, right?

The episode opens with Aria coming home to find Byron sitting alone in the dark, like a total creep. He tells Aria he’s been hiding something and confesses that…he’s been dating Ella. Oh, and they’re getting re-married. Aria is shocked because she was expecting a confession more along the lines of Byron murdering Charlotte with a golf club, but sure, wedding, parents, yay?

pretty-3we’re getting married!

pretty-1BRB, left all my fucks to give in the rental car

Hanna and Jordan wake up after a night of banging, and Hanna immediately demands an omelet. I like your style, Marin. Her boss Claudia is still demanding and impossible, and let’s be real, Hanna would have so been fired already. I worked for a similar woman once and got fired for forgetting to Tivo an episode of Ellen. I GOT FIRED OVER TIVO CRIMES, you guys. But that’s neither here nor there. Emily walks in on them making out and is like, “Ugh straight people.”

pretty-8Just remembered why I’m a lesbian

Across town, Caleb wakes Spencer up with coffee in bed, solidifying his status as best boyfriend in Rosewood. They discuss EmojA theories and Spencer’s busy campaign schedule before getting busy themselves. Spencer is also wearing some sexy lingerie and continuing the 6B trend of showing us her naked back, a trend I heartily approve of. Haters gonna hate, but these two are sexy together. This is so much better than those creepy slo-mo sex scenes she used to have with Toby.

pretty-13Spencer’s Back Appreciation Post

Back at the loft, Emily is crashing with Hanna for her egg extraction, which she is of course concealing from her mother. Hanna keeps calling Pam by her first name, and Emily is horrified. It’s Mrs. Fields, bitch! Ali is back in town and trying to meet up with Emily, but our hormonally charged up swimmer is in no mood for emotional manipulation. Remember when Emily would drop everything at Ali’s slightest whim? Those hormone shots must be giving her ovaries of brass.

pretty-17Jordan still can’t find you G-spot? Did he do the “come hither” fingers I showed him?

pretty-18 It’s like I started that sex advice podcast for nothing!

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