“The Fosters” recap (3.13): Mushy Mushrooms

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Previously on The Fosters, Sharon and Lena argued about what Stef should do with her body like a couple of GOP presidential candidates. AJ, Ty, and Connor all left town but for different reasons. Mariana and Lexi were one Carly Fiorina short of the worst debate in election history, and Mat and Brandon decided to do a rock opera for their senior project.

Fosters 3131I hate mushrooms

Sharon and Lena are arguing over whether Stef’s mushrooms can be salvaged if they cut out the mold or whether they should just toss them completely. Subtlety thy name is anything but Sharon. Stef tells her mom to butt out and while she’s at it why doesn’t she just pack up her RV and skedaddle. The funniest part of this is that Stef and Lena have inexplicably failed to tell their 47 children that Stef has cancer in spite of the fact that they are shouting about it so loudly that Mr. Crabapple next door surely knows all about Stef’s boobs. It’s a pretty big parent fail.

Fosters 3132Maybe we should take the RV and go on vacation.

Mike has popped over for a quick cup of coffee and an arrest warrant. Do they ever do work at work? Upstairs, Callie is chatting with “AJ” on Fost and Found and breaking her promise to tell Stef if she heard from AJ.

Mat and Brandon are out in the garage playing Romeo and Romeo. Brandon convinces Mat to play the lead in their rock opera. Mat suggests that Talia, Brandon’s nightmare ex-girlfriend, to play Juliet. Brandon says no, there’s only room for one diva in this thing.

Mariana is deciding which shirt says “junior class president” while Callie ignores her. Jesus and Nick blast through the room like a couple of giant five-year-olds, pausing only long enough for Nick to tell Mariana she has a nice rack. Ew. Callie asks Mariana to track the location of whoever is messaging her on Fost and Found. Mariana finds out that the IP address is in San Diego. But AJ is in Arizona! Who could be messaging Callie?

Nick has questions about who Ana is, are they all adopted, and where are all their dads and isn’t Jesus just a little curious about who his dad might be? This kid really wants to do well when he and Jesus go on The Newlywed Game.

Fosters 3133Ew, there’s Mike and Stef fanfiction?

Stef is filling out an application for a warrant for both Ty and AJ. Mike begs her not to add AJ because it could get him sent to prison for wanting to stick with his brother. Stef isn’t moved. Apparently, special treatment for seventeen-year-olds only extends to Brandon.

Mariana is telling Ana all about the drama with Lexi. She makes Jesus promise that he and Lexi are never, ever, ever getting back together. When she skips out of the room Jesus has some questions for Ana about his birth dad. Ana says his name was Gabriel but other than that she has no idea who he was or where he is now.

Fosters 3134How do you solve a problem like my mother?

Sharon is singing all 17 verses of “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night,” before departing in her RV. She doesn’t know when she will see Stef next. Parting is such sweet sorrow filled with passive aggressive melodrama. Sadly, the RV won’t start, and Sharon and Will are here to stay another day.

Fosters 3135Yes, doctor, I am calling to have a mass removed from my driveway.

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