“The Vampire Diaries” recap (7.11): In A World Of Pure Hallucination

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We skipped recapping last week’s midseason premiere of The Vampire Diaries, because there were no lesbians in it, but for anyone just now catching up, Damon’s “how I spent my winter break” essay goes something like: “I was trapped in a personalized hell dimension where people from my past kept trying to get me to talk about my feelings.” When Bonnie and the gang finally fished his soul out of the phoenix stone, they brought with it a massive bycatch of emotional baggage. As a result, he had a (minor, in Salvatore terms) meltdown and went medieval on the assembled Mystic Falls Scoobies.

This week, we pick up right where we left off: with a blood-spattered Damon surrounded by the unconscious bodies of his friends (and Matt).

tvd 11.1That was less cathartic than I hoped.

He must really not be feeling like himself because the first thing he does is try to revive Matt with his own blood. As he’s doing the same for Bonnie, Caroline stakes him from behind.

tvd 11.2Remind me why I keep saving his life?

Damon comes to in chains. He shouts for Stefan, waking him from a dream where he’s drowning, and braces himself for the lecture he’s sure is coming. But it’s Opposite Day in Mystic Falls, and Stefan tells him that everyone understands and no one’s mad. Damon’s like “So this is the part where you unchain me and we hug it out?”

It’s not, though. Instead, it’s the part where Tyler Lockwood comes home (because his ex-girlfriend invited him to her baby shower for the twins who were mystically transferred into her body from another woman’s womba normal thing to do) and is unhappy to find that Mystic Falls is run by heretics and the Salvatores are using his foyer as a dungeon. Oh, did Stefan not get around to telling Damon that, in the weeks he spent in hell, Julian has turned the town into vampire Disneyland?

Bonnie and Matt are out on patrol because one witch and one extremely un-superpowered deputy versus a town full of immortal bloodsuckers seems like a pretty fair fight. Or is this just Bonnie going full Dark Willow and scheming to get rid of the burdensome human? Apparently Bonnie hasn’t come up with a spare fuck to give in Damon’s absence, because while Matt puts spikes on the road to inconvenience vampire drag racers, she’s checking her dating app — which has just matched her up with Matt.

tvd 11.3Are you sure I’m not the one trapped in hell?

They take out a couple of vampires while, back at the ranch, Damon berates Stefan for letting the town spiral out of control. Since he’s still chained up, he has to listen to his brother’s emotional monologue about his phoenix stone flashbacks. Apparently Stefan ruined a fancy date by attacking a waiter he thought was Damon trying to kill Caroline.

Damon’s like “Come on, it’s been months since I last tried to kill your girlfriend, except for just a few minutes ago.” Stefan agrees to unchain him, but he has to have a babysitter until he gets a clean bill of sanity. Just then, Damon has a vision of Henry, his Civil War buddy and phoenix stone sidekick.

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