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“Jessica Jones” recap (1.07): Hey, I have a terrible idea

Previously on Jessica Jones: Shit went down. Kilgrave bought Jessica’s childhood house. Jeri kept the aborted fetal remains of Hope’s baby. Luke found out Jessica killed his wife. Like I was saying, shit went down.

At Jessica’s apartment, more shit is going down. Kilgrave is there being his normal, horrifying, creepy self. He’s also peeing in her toilet which… *shakes head* …no. There’s a knock on Carl, and it’s Creepy Guy Twin who has brought banana bread because he loves Jessica. The amount to which this will not end well is so, so large.

Meanwhile, Jessica is being thrown out of a bar directly into a pile of garbage because the symbolism about her self-esteem is incredibly subtle on this show. After giving a homeless man her free sub stamp card, she spots the real reason she is there. It’s Jeri’s doctor wife, Wendy. So she rises like a trash monster to tail Wendy. The amount that this will not end well is so, so large.

She follows her into the subway and confronts her on the platform, and off the platform. She demands Wendy sign the divorce-papersand by demand I mean dangles her over the tracks. It’s moments like these I’m particularly glad I don’t have superpowers. After a night of drunken decision making usually the most I have to regret are some embarrassing texts. For Jessica, it’s holding someone’s life in her hands, literally.

But then, whoops, she drops Wendy. See, this is why you should never threaten someone’s life while drunk off your ass. Jessica realizes her near-fatal error and jumps in to throw Wendy out of the way of the oncoming train. But then she stands there as it approaches, the light coming closer and closer. And, blam, it hits her. Show over. I told you shit gets dark.

Kidding, of course. But not about the dark stuff. She jumps out of its path at the very last second and leaves a bewildered Wendy on the opposite platform wondering if this whole legalizing same-sex marriage was such a good idea in the first place.

So now it’s Malcolm’s turn to pick a trashed Jessica up off the elevator floor. Tables turning and all that. She staggers in and plops onto her bed, but see, this is why you always check the whole bed before getting in. Because there, on the other half, is a very dead Creepy Guy Twin. Fine, I should probably stop calling him that on account of his grisly murder. Kilgrave made him slash his own throat. So, see, I wasn’t kidding about shit getting dark.

After an appropriate amount of totally freaking out, Jessica comes to the conclusion that they can’t call the cops. This is the third death she has been directly connected to, and law enforcement tends to believe the correlation and causation connection.

Fine, I get that. But then she decides her only option to end Kilgrave’s reign of terror is to go to jail. But it has to be the right jail. Her latest plan to catch Kilgrave is to lure him to her while she is locked up in a supermax prison to get the evidence she needs. She is going to turn herself in for Creepy Guy Twin’s murder.

Look, you don’t need me to tell you how many things are seriously flawed with this plan. And while I wouldn’t necessarily mind if the series took an unexpected Orange Is the New Black plot-turn, I must confess I’m totally rooting for this plan to fail. So is Malcolm, who tries unsuccessfully to talk her out of it.

While all this is happening Trish and Simpson are aggressively boinking again. I could do with a lot less of this coupling show. I mean, I get it, look at the twisted kismet of an attacker (albeit forced) and his victim getting it on. But, yeah, no thanks. Though, I do like Trish bossing him around and telling him not to talk – tThat I like a lot.

Trish has a lead on Kilgrave’s whereabouts. She used her considerable talking powers to find out who is in his new security detail. Simpson does that thing where he dismisses and underestimates her, and blames Jessica for everything because he is Simpson.

Jessica continues her Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, Go Directly to Jail plan. She finds Jeri climbing the courthouse steps, with Pam by her side—of course. Can we talk for a minute about the way Carrie-Anne Moss sashays around all the time with one hand on her hip? Like, that’s almost a full Bette Porter on the Power Lesbian Moves scale.

Of course, the best-laid plans usually get fucked up royally, and these plans weren’t all that well laid in the first place. Malcolm is trying to help with the whole dead guy in the apartment problem. But he runs into Creepy Twin Girl in the hallway. I know we’re supposed to dislike her character, but—man—do I really dislike her character. And it doesn’t help that she calls Jessica a “harpy.”

Another character we’re not supposed to like, but I do feel sorrier for, is Wendy. She shows up at Jeri’s office. But instead of being scared into submission she is pissed into blackmail. She hands her printouts of emails proving some less than ethical behavior on Jeri’s behalf -less than ethical behavior involving bribing a juror that could get her disbarred. And she demands 75 percent of Jeri’s assets to keep quiet.

You know who I feel sorriest for here? Pam. Poor dear, look at her face. She’s looking at Jeri like, “She’s so hot and sophisticated and brilliant and…evil?” But, gotta hand it to her, she also covers like a champ for her lady. She’s a lot more than just a dotting secretary, by quite a bit. Jeri is luckier than she deserves to be, by a lot.

Jessica continues to tie up her loose ends before entering the big house. This one is with Trish’s mom. It appears she is still in the professional stage mom business, albeit with other people’s children now. Jess kindly reminds her of their agreement, which is to stay the hell out of Trish’s life (or at the very least 500 feet away at all times) or else there will be pain.

Trish calls Simpson -who I just realized perpetually sounds like he is getting over a head cold—to see how his surveillance of Kilgrave’s security team is going. He flat-out lies to her and says it’s a dead end. But it isn’t, because he’s staring right at Kilgrave as he oversees furniture being moved into his new house/Jessica’s old house. So, now I get it, the theme of this episode is clearly “building trust between partners.”

Also having a rocky start with their trust-building exercise are Malcolm and Trish. He has called her to help deal with the dead body/jail time situation. But first he makes her promise not to scream when he shows her the extent of the dead body situation. She fails, but given the circumstances handles it fairly well—well, except for the brandishing a firearm thing.

With her last 56 minutes of freedom, Jessica heads to the Manhattan Bridge for a little fresh air and to take in the view. It’s her goodbye to New York, her goodbye to freedom. But when she returns to her apartment she finds Trish instead of her lifeless ticket to the big house.

Trish tells her she is saving her from herself and her terrible plan. Jessica says she knows it’s a terrible plan, but it’s the only plan she has. The thing is, they’re both right in this scenario. Jessica knows it’s a long shot, but can’t do nothing. Trish knows Jessica is wracked with guilt and blames herself. Jess says she isn’t the hero Trish wants her to be, and Trish tells her she is exactly the hero she wants her to be. Watching two women who care for each other more than anything else try to solve an impossible situation together, yeah, that’s some good television.

So they decide to go through with Jessica’s terrible plan. But Malcolm has already dumped his body into the East River. So now Jess has to go for a rather unpleasant swim.

Now dripping wet, she brings her recovered bounty to the police station in a plastic grocery bag and dumps it unceremoniously on Det. Clemons’s desk. Poor Creepy Twin Guy, he is not doing much resting in peace—or in his case, pieces.

Jessica waives her right to Jeri’s counsel and is rather impatient about getting fitted for her orange jumpsuit. But her feats of strength still aren’t enough to get her locked up because an officer comes in and tells her she is free to go. Jessica assumes it’s Jeri’s handiwork, but, alas, no such luck.

When she walks out into the office, all the cops have their guns drawn, all on each other. As far as disturbing tableaus go, this one is definitely up there. Kilgrave walks out to take credit for his handiwork.

Jessica demands to know what his endgame is. Does he just want her to kill herself? He tells her it’s quite the contrary. He is torturing her because he loves her, duh! Girls, they’re so dumb they don’t even know when someone who is ruining their life is trying to express their eternal love! Women! Amirite, fellas? Damn, is this guy the poster child of the Men’s Rights Movement or what?

Blah blah blah, he wants her because he can’t have her. But now he wants her to be with him out of “choice” – or, in his case, intense mind fucking followed by not-so-veiled threats of violence.

Jessica runs home to find the “present” Kilgrave left for her. Surprise, it’s her teenage diary. Gosh, why hasn’t she fallen in love with Kilgrave already? Such a catch! She packs a bag and prepares to leave, but Creepy Girl Twin storms into her apartment instead.

I get it; she is Jessica’s guilty conscience. She is every negative thing Jessica has ever believed about herself. But, even as she clutches desperately onto her murdered bother’s flip-flop, I still can’t stand her. Fine, maybe I’m also a terrible person.

And so that’s that. Jessica hops a cab to the corner of Birch Street and Higgins Drive to go home. Before going in she stands outside, and we flashback to the reason Kilgrave could find her journal in the first place. We also see young Jessica dealing with Trish’s mom monster. And then she walks into the belly with the beast.

Find more from Dorothy Snarker visit dorothysurrenders.com or @dorothysnarker.

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