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“Jane the Virgin” recap (2.8): CALM

Previously on Jane the Virgin, Jane’s family went to TARGET! Also, Jane found out that Rafael had been lying to her and actually paid off a guy to turn Michael in. Michael (who wasn’t fired after all) was working undercover to find Sin Rostro and discovered Mutter along the way. Luisa spilled her guts to Jane’s grad school friend about her family, and he, in turn, wrote an exposé about the Solanos. Petra’s mom killed Ivan, and Petra, preggers with twins, helped her bury him. Rogelio went broke after Los Hombres Locos went down the tubes and Abuela applied for a green card.

But the big story is that Luisa took a peek into her mother’s coffin and realized that her mother wasn’t dead. Yay? Luisa’s mother is Mutter, y’all.

This week, we learn that our sweet-natured Jane has a wicked temper, something she keeps under wraps by using a trick Abuela taught her: C.A.L.M. (For Jane it was Cheese, Abuela, Lists and Michael (then changed to Mateo.) Mine is Cats, Alcohol, Lesbian characters and Marshmallows. (Don’t judge.)

Jane is beyond furious at Rafael and her anger is seeping into other aspects of her life. I mean, she yelled at Santa for chrissakes.

Jane also finds out that her scholarship wasn’t a scholarship after all. Rogelio was footing the bill for grad school, but he only paid for one semester before he went broke. Now Jane needs to find out how the hell to pay for school. At the suggestion of her advisor, Jane decides to enter a writing contest with his guidance.

Rogelio may be broke, but he does have an intern helping find his next “passion project.” The thing is, Rogelio is missing his buddy Michael something awful, and cons the poor guy into joining him to stalk his former bestie. Michael, who misses the bromance too, tells Rogelio that it’s just better if they have some space. This relationship is one of my favorites on the show, mainly because Rogelio feels such tenderness for Michael and is genuinely heartbroken that they can’t be friends.

Luisa meets with Michael, Rafael and Det. Barnett to give them any and all info she has on her mother. She disappeared when Luisa was only six so her memories are a little fuzzy. Instead, Luisa admits that she’s been talking to Rose online for six months. Lesbians, amiright?

Rafael is very upset with his sister (it’s a day ending in Y), so he storms out. His own mother, who his father paid off to leave them, shows up at the station to discuss Rose’s mom. Rafael is less than responsive to her, and it’s easy to see why: She chose $10 million over him, and the guy has serious mommy issues now.

Speaking of mommies, Jane, Xiomara and Abuela are preparing for Mateo’s first Christmas. Abuela tells the story of her first Christmas in the US with Grampa Mateo, and the beautiful wooden angel he made for the top of their tree. He’s also the one who taught Abuela the CALM trick. Not feeling calm is Jane, who is now fighting with Rafael about Mateo’s custody for Christmas and using the L word: lawyers.

Lawyers indeed. Abuela goes to her immigration lawyer to check in on her green card (no news yet) but Jane ends up getting a little advice about her Rafael situation. He tells her to find the author of the article and get intel about where Rafael has been funneling money. Jane confronts Wesley and tells him that she’ll drop her complaint against him with the school if he fesses up about his source. It’s naturally his boo, Scott, who now manages the Mirabella’s lounge. He gives Jane an address and number to investigate. She does investigate and finds out that Rafael has been supporting a safe space for women in abusive relationships. She decides to ask Rafael if he’d be willing to see a therapist with her. He agrees.

Petra is haunted by the ghost of Ivan, and her very much alive mother. Magda knows that Petra is feeling squirrely about the murder and cover up, and makes sure to give her some motherly threats to keep her quiet, especially in front of Rafael.

At the precinct, Det. Barnett has been working with Luisa and is on the receiving end of Luisa’s ridiculous flirtations. Normally I’m all for any Luisa-based comedy, but lately, the show has been veering her toward the Rogelio spectrum of parody. Also, they’ve been making Luisa a little too predatory for my liking. For example, her advances on Barnett. Luisa legit brings up her own nipples. Girl needs an L Word rewatch for tips on seducing women. Even the Real L Word would help in this case she’s so far gone.

Anyway, back to policing. Michael and Barnett figure out that a tropical storm may have washed Luisa’s mother further than the search area, leaving her a perfect escape.

At therapy, Jane and Rafael get off to a rocky start. There’s a lot of hurt feelings and confusion, but once Jane sees how she overlooked Rafael’s pain at losing her and his father, she softens towards him. She gets why he did what he did with Michael, but it doesn’t make it right. Still, co-parenting wins out and the two bury the hatchet.

Michael and Barnett fill Luisa in on their theory. After her mother jumped, she was found not remembering her name and has been a patient at a mental institution for the last 18 years, with access to the outside world. Barnett and Luisa head to the institution to visit Mia and Luisa is visibly nervous. She introduces Barnett as her wife and clutches her hand as they walk down the hall. You will be totally surprised to find out that the woman in question is not Luisa’s mom, but rather an old catatonic woman. Luisa is crushed. Barnett tries to comfort her and Luisa has a come to Jesus moment about why she’s attracted to psychopaths.

Rogelio is still looking for his passion project when his intern JD shows up-his newly fired intern. See, Rogelio decided to test him to see if he’d spill any gossip about Rogelio. The rumor about Rogelio and Charo spread like wildfire, but it turns out it was actually one of the nail techs giving them pedicures. Oops. JD is a screenwriter and drops off a script for Rogelio to read, then takes his leave, not wanting to deal with Rogelio’s drama anymore.

Jane hands in her contest ideas and her advisor reveals that he was just trying to push her out of her comfort zone. She can write a story in any genre she likes. Also, she can have Wesley’s TA job since he’s been booted from school for violating the rules and being a dick.

Jane’s family gathers to trim the tree and Abuela’s special angel is missing. Xiomara admits she broke it while moving boxes but the angel is nowhere to be found. Abuela is sad about it, but the trimming commences.

Petra and Rafael visit the doctor to get a check-up and Petra’s blood pressure is high. Maybe it’s the murder ghost. Rafael sees through her, and Petra ends up spilling her guts about everything.

Jane, who is still thinking about Michael, leaves her computer to spend time with the family. (They are my heterOTP.) She grabs the mail on the porch and finds a box as well. Inside is the angel! Michael saw that it was broken and mended it. My heart! Also, Rogelio is in love with JD’s script, and Abuela received her green card. It’s a moment for celebration.

Except for Petra. None for you, Petra. Sensing that Petra was going to turn her in with Rafael’s help, Magda did her daughter dirty and turned her in instead. We’ll have to wait until late January to see what happens next!

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