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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (January 26, 2007)

A SIGN OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

Out actress Lily Tomlin (A Prairie Home Companion, The West Wing, and my personal favorite, 9 to 5) is set to star in a new HBO hour-long comedy called 12 Miles of Bad Road, the premium cable channel announced this week. The series is created by husband-and-wife producers Harry Thomason and Linda Bloodworth-Thomason (Designing Women and Evening Shade), and stars Tomlin as Amelia Shakespeare, the head of a real estate company and matriarch of a wealthy Dallas family (Mary Kay Place plays Amelia’s sister and Leslie Jordan plays a cousin). An air date has yet to be set, and HBO didn’t indicate how many episodes of the show it had ordered.

An out lesbian cast as the lead in a comedy? Someone forgot to tell HBO that lesbians don’t have a sense of humor! Well, except for Lily. And Ellen. And Rosie. And Jane Lynch. And Judy Gold. And Karen Williams. And Marga Gomez. And…wait, remind me again why people think lesbians aren’t funny?

OH YEAH: MOVIES LIKE THIS ARE WHY NO ONE THINKS LESBIANS ARE FUNNY

The Academy Award nominations were announced this week, and Judi Dench has been nominated for an Oscar for her performance as the predatory lesbian in Notes on a Scandal (the film has also been nominated in the Best Adapted Screenplay category).

This is terrific news, really, because I’ve been wondering when we’re going to get another Oscar-nominated film full of bad lesbian stereotypes to balance out all the Oscar nominees with great lesbian characters, like Monster and The Hours (if only The Black Dahlia had been nominated!).

In related news, Melissa Etheridge received an Oscar nomination in the Best Original Song category for “I Need to Wake Up,” the theme song to The Oscars An Inconvenient Truth.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN SOMETHING WAS UP WHEN BEN AFFLECK WAS LISTED AMONG THE CAST

Remember how I reported awhile back that Alicia Keys is playing a lesbian assassin in the new action flick Smokin’ Aces, which opens this weekend?

Turns out, according to some AfterEllen.com readers who’ve seen the movie, Keys’ character Georgia isn’t a lesbian, after all. Her partner-in-crime (Taraji P. Henson) is, and she has a crush on Georgia, but it’s unrequited. Not only does Keys not end up with Henson’s character, she hooks up with a guy. How does the actual lesbian character end up? Mouse over the text between the spoiler tags to find out: [spoiler] dead [/spoiler].

No, I wasn’t smokin’ something when I originally reported this in my column, or when talked about it in the latest episode of She Said What? The folks behind the movie, and Keys herself, have been marketing Keys’ character as a lesbian. Maybe they can’t tell the difference between a lesbian and a woman who hangs out with one? More likely, they don’t care, and just want to exploit lesbianism for profit (it might even get them an Oscar nomination!). Or maybe they’re assuming we’ll never actually see the movie and find out they’re full of crap.

Well, they’re right about that last one, at least. And judging by all the bad reviews the movie is getting, no one else is likely to see it either.

THE NIGHT THE LIGHTBULB WENT ON IN TEXAS

On this week’s episode (Episode 13 “Little Girl, I Want to Marry You”) of NBC’s struggling football drama Friday Night Lights, the coach (Kyle Chandler) and his wife (Connie Britton) found out the mayor of their small Texas town, Lucy (Libby Villari), is gay when she asked them over to dinner with her and her partner. The two women, who had clearly been together for years, were relaxed and casually affectionate with each other, while the coach and his wife tried not to appear shocked.

The mayor asks the coach’s wife to work on her re-election campaign, and the coach tries to talk his wife out of it because he’s worried about the fall-out if people find out the mayor has “an alternative lifestyle.” But the wife tells him to stick it and takes the job anyway. That’s our kind of straight woman! Watch the episode now at NBC.com (the lesbians are in part 2).

THEY’LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS

Maggie (Elizabeth Hendrickson) is back on All My Children, begging Bianca (Eden Riegel) to forgive her for cheating on her in Paris with some woman named Cecilia. (They’re also running from a serial killer and confronting Maggie’s former abusive boyfriend – this is a soap opera, remember).

For those of you interested in AMC’s lesbian storyline who don’t want to sit through the rest of the show, the website bamforbeginners.com has helpfully posted video clips of all the recent Maggie-Bianca scenes in chronological order, so you can get up to speed quickly (start at the bottom).

TALKING TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE

Scribe Grrrl’s “Talking to Manatees” podcast and our online talk show She Said What? both received very funny mentions on Comedy Central’s popular nightly news show The Colbert Report this week, as the third item on Colbert’s “ThreatDown.” Our shows made the list because they don’t have the word “gay” in the titles, and are therefore part of “the army of products trying to turn me gay.” Silly Stephen – we’re not trying to turn you gay. Just the cute straight women!

Speaking of podcasts, if you like our L Word podcast “Talking to Manatees,” you’ll love the “The Planet”, a weekly podcast two women in Albuquerque, New Mexico named Elka and KC have been doing for a few seasons now. It’s very funny, and I’m a big fan. It’s interesting to see how different – or similar – their opinions can be from Scribe Grrrl and Anna’s (or mine) on the same episode. That’s what I love about the internet – the more great entertainment for lesbians, the merrier!

PAPI DON’T PREACH

Although this hasn’t been announced yet, my sources tell me The L Word has been officially renewed for a fifth season, despite disappointing ratings so far this season. That gives Helena a whole ‘nother season to find a job she doesn’t suck at.

There are things I like about this season so far – including Marlee Matlin and Rose Rollins, every scene with Alice and Helena, and almost the entire sixth episode (which is written and directed by Angela Robinson) – but at the top of my list of things I don’t like? Papi. She’s like a Latina character designed by a committee of clueless white folks who’ve seen one too many gangster movies and never actually met a Latina.

I’m not alone on this: in our discussion of The L Word on our latest episode of She Said What? (which features Hanifah Walidah as our guest), none of my co-hosts like Papi, either. It’s not very often that all four of us agree on something! And judging by all the comments on AfterEllen, she’s disliked by most of you, too.

I wish I could tell you Papi gets more interesting, and less cartoon-ish, but unfortunately, she doesn’t, at least not in the first six episodes. AfterEllen reader JulieLauren summed it up nicely when she asked in her comment, “what’s next – a Chinese character named ‘little blossom’ who drives a rickshaw and explains what ‘wontons’ are to characters who, because they are white, have never heard of foods that can be found in even midwestern food courts?”

On second thought, maybe we better not give them any ideas, JulieLauren!

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

Anne Heche and her husband have separated after five years of marriage, reportedly because Heche is in a relationship with her Men in Trees co-star James Tupper. Best headline so far? “Men Don’t Grow on Trees (Unless You’re Anne Heche)”

Doug Blasdell, one of the openly gay trainers on Work Out, unexpectedly died this weekend from an illness.

NBC has cancelled supernatural daytime drama Passions after 8 years.

Basic Instinct 2 and BloodRayne topped the Razzie nominations this year, with 6 nominations apiece.

Rachel and Monica are finally going to kiss on-screen! Joey and Chandler could not be reached for comment.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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