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“Jane the Virgin” recap (2.4): Yodelayheehoo

Previously on Jane the Virgin, Luisa was kidnapped and not by Rose, Petra knocked herself up with Rafael’s sperm, and Jane gave the best new mommy speech ever at Mateo’s baptism.

This week, we take a look back on the friendship between Jane and Lina (Diane Guerrero), who must have gotten out of Litchfield on good behavior to film some JtV. They’ve been pals since they busted some subversive moves at their Catholic school talent show. It’s Lina’s 25th birthday that week and Jane had promised (and forgotten) to plan her party. Jane has to think fast, so she tells Lina she’s about to have an epic Great Gatsby themed party. Better make a run to the 1920’s Party City.

Jane enlists Xiomora’s help because she’s awesome AF, and Jane’s kind of flailing right now. Also, Rafael can’t stop texting Jane about the kiss they shared, but Jane doesn’t know how best to respond so she sends a confusing emoji. Frankly, I have no idea what half the emojis I send mean either.

While Michael tries to convince his captain to send him to Switzerland, he finds out he has a new and very plucky partner, Susanna from Tuscaloosa. She’s got experience and, more importantly, she can catch a fish with her bare hands. That’s hot.

Meanwhile, in a dank cellar, Luisa is getting increasingly freaked out by her kidnappers. They’ve set up a website and sent Rose a picture of Luisa getting her leg whacked. Rose has responded, but the German dudes chloroform Luisa before we can find out anything else. I’m not the only one rooting for Rose to bust in there and crack a few skulls for her lady, am I?

When Rafael shows up at Jane’s, he goes in for kiss but she tells him that she’s focused on Mateo now and needs more time to think things through. Rafael thinks that if Jane isn’t ready to make a decision about their relationship soon, they should discuss custody options. Of course, Michael calls with his Sin Rostro news at the worst possible time.

Michael runs into to Petra at the hotel, where she decides to dash his hopes of being with Jane by showing him a picture of Jane and Rafael kissing. Oof. Michael can’t even make eye contact with Jane when she and Rafael meet up with him. This mystery woman, Heidi Von Ocher, is a professional yodeler, because of course she is. Apparently the online yodeling community is abuzz with rumors that Heidi and Rose were sleeping together. (Seriously, this is one of the greatest plotlines JtV has ever come up with.)

Michael asks Rafael to book Heidi to yodel at the hotel (god this is going to be good) so Michael can question her in his jurisdiction. Rafael agrees (yaassss).

Rogelio shows up at the house for dinner that night and lets the ladies in on Luciana’s blackmail material. Turns out he joined Scientology. Anyhoo, Luciana has recordings of Rogelio’s “auditing” sessions and what he confessed may not go over so well with his fans and producers. Xiomora tells him to go ahead and hire Luciana, if that means the tapes will go away.

Heidi and her Milkmaids show up in Miami for questioning, and Heidi is pissed! When Michael shows her the picture of Rose, she freaks but her translating milkmaid says Heidi doesn’t know the woman. With the promise that Heidi can indeed perform, she agrees to spill.

And boy does she spill. Heidi and Denise (Rose) made sweet, sweet love overlooking a giant glockenspiel (which, romantical). Turns out, after this yodeling good time, Denise called her Mutter and went home. So, is that the Mutter we keep hearing about?

Luisa awakes on a park bench, disoriented but in Miami.

Jane, who made a list for Rafael all about Mateo, and found it crumpled on the floor, manages to lock herself inside a janitor’s closet at the hotel rather than confront Rafael about it. Also, Lina’s party space is now being taken over by a giant papier mache mountain. Jane’s got 99 problems right now. She calls Michael to come rescue her, like you do.

Things aren’t going well for Rogelio either, who is forced to work with his ex who is now using the auditing tapes as blackmail for everything. Xio gets an idea on how to deal with this meddling ex.

Michael gets Jane out of the closet just in time for Rafael to come back, so they can argue about the crumpled up baby instructions. Michael, who is kind of enjoying their fight, tells them it was probably Petra who tossed the instructions. He also reveals that he knows Jane and Rafael kissed, much to Jane’s dismay. He goes to leave just as Luisa returns. She’s a mess and Rafael doesn’t believe she was kidnapped, but as soon as she says “Mutter,” Michael knows she’s telling the truth.

Jane has a heart to heart with Rafael. She’s consumed with thoughts of motherhood and Mateo, and she doesn’t know who she is anymore. Being forced to choose a love interest is just too damn much right now. Plus we are only four episodes in. Speaking of love interests, Rogelio plays nicey nice with Luciana while Xio drives away with her trailer full of bunnies. Yes, Luciana is always stroking a rabbit. It’s super weird.

Luisa is in the interrogation room with Michael and Susanna, but she’s busy texting her lawyer who wants to hook up. Oh Luisa. She seriously can find every lesbian in the greater Florida region. She tells Michael that Rose was not her kidnapper, that Rose was always a gentle lover-er, super-villain.

When Michael reveals that Luisa was probably taken to send a message to Rose, Luisa falls in love all over again. Susanna asks Luisa some questions that Michael doesn’t think are relevant but it turns out they are. There was a drug lord in the ’80s who ruled Miami named-you guessed it-Mutter. Susanna also has a photographic memory which should come in handy.

Rafael tries to appeal to Petra’s motherly instincts by telling her that she’s hurting him by trying to keep Rafael and Jane apart. Ugh Rafael, stahp. Then he pays her a bunch of compliments hoping that she will find another fella to fall for.

Speaking of fellas, Michael stops by to see Jane and zip her into her dress for Lina’s party, which has been switched to a nightclub since Jane’s party planning was a flop. They both clear the air about Jane and Rafael’s kiss, which makes Michael feel much better. So much so that he decides to tell her about Nadine working for Rose. They freak when they thing the baby monitor is on, but it’s just Rafael in the other room who doesn’t seem to have heard their convo.

Jane arrives at the club to apologize to Lina for letting her down. Lina is gracious and accepts the apology and Jane, with breast pump in tow, gets her drink and dance on with her bestie. Yes, it is getting hot in here!

The two ladies also have a bonding moment as Jane pumps and dumps in the ladies room. Jane sends Lina off to dance her ass off, while she finishes. Jane is finally feeling more like herself, so she whips out her phone and writes her Great Gatsby paper on it. Get it, Jane.

Xiomora and Rogelio make an exchange with Luciana: the bunnies for the tapes. As she leaves, Luciana tells Xio about a particular tape with a very big secret that Rogelio doesn’t want her to know about. Cue the obsessing.

Oh! Good news for Team Michael fans (i.e. me), he runs into Jane at the hotel and the two share some passionate kisses in front of the fake Matterhorn. Jane is feeling it until she comes home to her very complicated situation with Rafael.

You will be surprised to know that Susanna is only in Miami to get the dirt on Michael a la internal affairs. Dammit!

On a happy note, Luisa and Heidi did some horizontal yodeling of their own, causing Heidi to miss her show. You have to love the fact that Luisa gets more sexytimes than anyone else on the show.

After Heidi runs out, Rose opens her computer to find a message from Rose. She can’t resist the pull Rose has over her, so she accepts the invitation to chat. Lesbians.

Petra was feeling pretty good about moving on from Rafael when her ex Milos shows up and informs her that she needs to marry him whether she wants to of not. Every time I finally let myself hate on Petra, this show makes me feel for her. Also, I’m feeling a little bit for Rafael who overhears Jane tell Xio that she thinks that Michael is the one for her. Well, just a tiny bit.

What did you think of “Chapter Twenty-Six?”

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