“Lost Girl” recap (5.16): Fae-thee-well

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Evil, at least temporarily, vanquished, Bo says their certain is “completely uncertain.” But Lauren, she is very certain and says, “I, human, Lauren Lewis, want to spend the rest of my life with you, Succubus, Bo Dennis.” Yes, they’re messy. Yes, they’re complicated. Yes, Lauren broke up with Bo for fairly lame reasons at least twice already. Yet, sometimes that’s all just part of having and holding ‘til death do us part. Do I think these two crazy kids can make it? You better believe I do.

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And, of course, they seal their vows with a kiss. This is not a drill, folks. It’s time to throw the rice for Doccubus. Is the sun setting? Because I know two ladies who are ready to ride off into it together.

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Naturally, because they couldn’t resist poking fandom one last time, Dyson interrupts their mouth nuptials. I’m not entirely sure why he is putting back on his shirt as he walks up to them, but can only assume the writers couldn’t resist getting Kris Holden-Ried shirtless one last time.

They all agree little Dagny is in good hands. But Dyson asks if Bo will ever tell her who her father really was. Bo corrects him and says, “is.” Evil never dies or stops being a shitty absentee father, it seems.

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Flash forward and a teenage girl is making out in a car with another teenage girl in a car. Never change, show. Never change. But the first girl stops, because something feels off. The deeper-voiced girl with an alternative lifestyle haircut says they can stop if she wants. Still the first girl insists she wants to and they go at it again, only to have her stop again.

A menacing figure outside the car approaches, and then raps on their window. It’s just a cop, with a kind of familiar-sounding voice. Say hello to Officer Little Shit. Mark followed in his pop’s paw prints and is on the force. He tells the first girl she has to come with him, and brings her to the Dal. Then he takes a seat next to Vex. So, yeah, definitely a couple?

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Our teen sidles up and asks the barkeep for a beer. Dyson instead has her sign the ledger. So, this is Tamsin Jr., little Dagny. She asks if she’ll have to pick between Light and Dark now, but Dyson says they do things differently in this colony and are fighting to change some old rules.

Next Lauren sneaks up to her and jabs her with a needle like a total creeper. You’ll never become the Cool Lesbian Aunt that way, hon. She is, you guessed it, going to run some tests on her. Dagny says she knows all of them, thanks to Kenzi. But someone is missing.

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Bo walks up behind her and says hello. Dagny turns and blurts out, “God, you’re beautiful.” Nice symmetry there, show. And, all these years later, still just as true as the first day. Bo tells her the last thing Tamsin said to her was her name, which means “New Day.”

Kenzi kept her safe among the humans, until now. Hades handprint then begins to glow beneath her clothes. Looks like someone is still betting on Plan B. Bo tells her they don’t know when or how, but evil is coming for her. Hey, don’t freak out kid. See that smile? Don’t worry, they’ll be ready.

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And that, my friends, is our show. Five years of solving supernatural mysteries. Five years of fighting mythological evils. Five years of averting seemingly inevitable apocalypses. Five years of making out with hot girls. Five years of making out with some hot boys. Five years of smart decisions. Five years of dumb decisions. Five years of all this glorious madness. When it was good, it was very, very good. And when it was bad, well, we still watched it because what other show allows queer women to love and make love so freely with the lights on?

It’s been an honor recapping this show for you. It’s been a pleasure getting to write about these actors: Anna, Zoie, Ksenia, Rachel, Kris, Paul, Rick, Emmanuelle and everyone else. I will miss this show, and all its glory and its flaws. I’m sad it’s over, but I’m so happy we had it at all.

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KENZISM OF THE WEEK:

How I’ll miss these Kenzisms about Japanese anime, hand jobs and everything else.

Kenzi: OK, it just got Sailor Moon out there.

Lauren: Why what’s happening?

Kenzi: Bo’s giving the best HJ of her life.

 

BOOBS O’CLOCK OF THE WEEK:

Oh, Boobs O’Clock, I think I’ll miss you most of all.

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More by Ms. Snarker: @dorothysnarker or dorothysurrenders.com.

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