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“The Fosters” recap (3.10): Love will keep us together

Previously on The Fosters, Jesús went to boarding school in Rosewood and Jude was intermittently Out of Town. Mariana told Mat about having sex with Wyatt and he wasn’t exactly thrilled. Brandon broke all the rules and still won the Idyllwild competition #ThatsSoBrandon. Callie saved Rita from jail but sacrificed her chance of being adopted. This, of course, led to the spectacularly stupid decision to have sex with Brandon. Not for nothing, Brandon, but maybe realizing that you only look good to Callie when everything else looks terrible should give you a hint about the general idiocy of your relationship. Stef found out about Monte kissing Lena and everyone cried.

Brandon and Callie are snuggling in the cabin talking about how they have really destroyed her chances of being adopted this time (as opposed to the last dozen times). The moms are going to be really upset they can’t adopt Callie, but at least she’s got Brandon, right?

When they get home, Mariana calls the first shower which begs the question of why when they have one working shower in their house these numbskulls wouldn’t use the shower at the cabin? Brandon and Callie head for the kitchen, ready to face the firing squad. Instead they are met with the news that the social worker is recommending Callie’s adoption. Hooray! Callie is going to be part of the family! Too bad she just boned her brother!

Rita takes Callie out behind the woodshed for a quick discussion of her continued use of Brandon as a crutch for blowing up her own life so no one can do that for her. The recording saved Rita and she turned right around and convinced Carmen not to ruin Callie’s life out of spite. No word on whether that convincing involved throwing a baseball at her head. Everyone deserves a family, Callie, so maybe stop trying to sabotage yourself, mmmkay?

Stef is clanking glasses together and stomping around the kitchen and generally throwing off the WASPiest anger. Lena wants to cancel the party they are having for her parents so they can talk and process and mend everything. Stef thinks canceling would be rude. Besides, their parties are always such a disaster they might as well have one when everything else is a total mess because it can’t make things worse.

Stef gets a call and takes it outside. Her doctor tells her that her mammogram was a little funky and they would like her to come back for another round of imaging. Nothing to worry about, no biggie, just come right now in case you have cancer. So, other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

Callie and Brandon are freaking out. The adoption was supposed to be off the table! They literally only find each other attractive when things are going to shit! Had they known, they never would have done it!

Lena bounces into the kitchen with her mom and dad. Stef gets them wine and congratulates them on making it 40 years together. Lena keeps trying to catch Stef’s eye, but she is in hostess mode and isn’t looking at anything but the wine glasses.

Neither Nate nor Jesús will be at the party. Jesús has a wrestling match and Nate is still the asshole who called Dana the n-word and then pretended not to remember doing it. I wish these guys would just go out for dinner. It could be anywhere. Chuck E. Cheese’s, for Pete’s sake. Their parties always end in disaster.

Lena can’t believe that Monte would tell Jenna that they kissed. How could she tell the woman with the biggest mouth in Southern California (a land with a lot of competition) that she kissed Lena? Monte was just trying to explain that she couldn’t fall in love with Jenna because she was already in love with Lena. Monte assures Lena that she would never break up a marriage but she just can’t help falling for Lena.

I know a lot of people hate Monte. I get that, I just don’t hate her. She’s not the problem with Stef and Lena, she is just a symptom of the problem. Lena doesn’t want someone other than Stef, but she’s not above wanting to feel understood, wanted, seen. I feel for Monte. Do you remember the first time you fell for a girl? It’s terrifying and exhilarating. Maybe the girl you fell for was a terrible idea; a walking mistake. But that didn’t stop you. Monte went too far when she kissed Lena. She crossed a line she shouldn’t have but that doesn’t make her a bad guy. The bad guy here is Lena and Stef’s inability to talk about what is going on.

It’s the secrets that are pulling everything apart at home. The secrets about wanting a baby and then about not saying how much she was hurting when she lost the baby. It’s Stef running around investigating Robert and blackmailing him into backing off without telling Lena. It’s talking without listening and being there without being present. Monte isn’t the problem- she’s the sore throat, not the virus. Lena can be mad at Monte all she wants-she has plenty of reasons to be pissed-but Monte is a woman trying to figure her own shit out and I feel for her.

They are interrupted by Nate who has come by to apologize. He feels terrible about what he said. He was so mad at his father for leaving him with his mom and missing all of his plays and graduations that he lashed out at Dana. He doesn’t ask for forgiveness, he just thanks Lena for letting him say he’s sorry.

Daphne can’t believe Callie would sleep with Brandon. So say we all, Daphne. Callie doesn’t want to call off the adoption, but doesn’t know what to do. Daphne tells her not to be a fool and run away again. Maybe Daphne can just follow Callie around and flick her in the ear or something every time Callie is about to do something dumb.

Grandpa has the perfect gift for Dana and is looking forward to an evening of celebration with all their friends. Brandon and Mat are going to play music all night as their gift. Mariana tells her grandfather that she and Mat broke up because she did something unforgivable. Old gramps doesn’t think anything is unforgivable. Clearly he hasn’t seen Skins Fire.

Dana isn’t mad at Nate. She never took what he said to heart because she knew he was trying to punish his dad by hurting her. It’s not right but she understands why Nate was so mad. Lena isn’t entirely convinced but as someone who could use a little forgiveness these days she might just be in a more empathetic mood.Mariana just happens to be in the neighborhood of the garage when Mat and Brandon are practicing. She bops in armed with the idea that she is going to sing “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain and Chenille for the grandparents. Mat takes that as his cue to get the hell out of the garage. So much for that plan.

Stef is back at some kind of ancient hospital (my wife remarked that it looks like a VA hospital from the 1970s) to get her repeat mammogram. She tries to schmooze the tech into telling her if she sees anything sketchy on the image but the tech isn’t biting. The doctor will call you, Stefanie, so just cool it while you get your boob smashed.

Jude storms through the entryway ignoring Lena saying hi. Adam walks in and tells Lena he caught Jude and Connor making out with their shirts off. Time for the talk! Lena cues up Burt Hummel’s speech for a few pointers and then tells Jude he will probably wish he were in trouble because it’s time to talk about boy sex with his lesbian mom.

Physical intimacy is a wonderful thing, she tells him. Well, she thinks it is since the last time she and Stef were anything close to intimate was a hundred years ago. But he needs to know how to protect himself. She’s not really sure about what gay dudes do so she just pulls out a condom. Jude Adams Foster is damn well going to know how to keep himself safe.

The idea that there is one time that you have “the talk” is pretty hilarious to me. I can’t imagine waiting until our kids are teenager to talk about sex. Kids have questions and not giving them answers makes sex and sexuality seem like a weird, taboo thing. If you’re doing parenting right you talk about stuff a lot. You answer questions, you tell your kids what they want to know. The hardest part is getting over your own weirdness because kids don’t know that talking about sex is weird or embarrassing unless you teach them that.

Stef and Lena are going to have this fight. They are fighting about Monte and Lena and the fact that Lena sure liked all that attention. But that’s only half of what’s going on. Lena has parents who think she hung the moon. They love her and have always been there for her in ways her father was not there for his son. Lena is the sun and while she is quick to jump to the aid of any of her forty-seven children she is used to being the center of the universe.

Stef had a father who didn’t really like who his daughter was. She grew up with that sense of maybe I’m not good enough. Stef isn’t sure she’s good enough for Lena. She doesn’t have a Ph.D. She doesn’t make a ton of money. She’s constantly Stef-ing up. She is trying. She’s really trying and deep down she’s terrified that trying her best isn’t good enough for her wife.

Into that mess walked Monte and she offered Lena that attention he craved and wasn’t getting from her wife who was working too hard and trying to keep up with all their kids. This fight is about Monte but it’s also about Stef and Lena and trying to find a way to work in a world where Stef is secretive and squirrelly (even now not mentioning that maybe she has something wrong with her) and Lena likes attention from her wife but will fall back on attention from her boss if that’s all she’s going to get. They are fighting ghosts and shadows and it’s making them lose sight of the important stuff in the midst of all that darkness.

Callie sneaks into Brandon’s room to tell him she loves him. He loves her, too, but she better get back to her own room. The next morning, Connor is helping Jude set up for the party. His dad isn’t okay with Connor. He’s not a cool lesbian who hands out condoms. Connor is going to live with his mom in LA because he can’t keep living with his dad. No! Connor, don’t take your adorable face away from the Judicorn!

Nate arrives with his girlfriend, Faith, and Papa Adams wants to know what the hell he’s doing at the party. It’s cool, Pops. Lena and Dana have forgiven him and they want him to forgive Nate, too. Pops offer a toast to his family and while he’s chattering on Faith tells Lena how grateful she is that Dana invited Nate to the party. While Grandpa extolls the virtues of family, Brandon and Callie exchange looks across the backyard. Don’t you two even think of screwing all this up!

Stef’s phone rings and she scurries off to the garage to answer it. Lena finds her and wants to know what the hell is going on. Stef tells her about the mammogram. She going to be fine. But they have some things they need to tell each other before they go out to the party.

Instead of letting us watch them repair their relationship the writers inexplicably decided to cut to the party outside where the couples are all dancing. Sure, it’s sweet to see Jude and Connor dancing and Stef and Lena happy again, but if we are going to spend a whole season watching this relationship fall apart at least do us the favor of letting us watch them put it back together again. Sigh. I guess we can just pretend they had sex on the couch before going back to the party.

Lena cuts in to dance with her mother. Getting Nate to the party was the best present she could give Papa Adams. Dana’s is still her hero. Callie and Brandon watch everyone dance and he searches for all the reasons why they didn’t break the rules. Technically what they did was okay. No one buys his bullshit. They can’t tell anyone what they did or everything will be ruined.

Secrets ruin everything. This show isn’t called Pretty Little Liars, but at times it might as well be. People keep secrets for a million different reasons and those secrets can eat at you and tear you apart and ruin your family. I don’t know what it will take for this family to learn that lesson. A kiss from a boss? A near miss on a mammogram? Almost losing your family?

Jude lets Adam in and asks him why he’s sending Connor away. He isn’t. He’s trying his best to be a good dad but Connor asked to move away. Meanwhile, in the garage where we only get to see teenagers work their shit out, Mariana tells Mat she is done groveling. She has forgiven herself for sleeping with Wyatt even if he can’t. He’s not willing to get back together but he is glad she stopped being so hard on herself. Mariana really is the character who has shown the most growth over two and a half seasons. I love her.

Callie records a message for Fost & Found about her impending adoption and how it’s not going to make her quit working for all the kids in the system.

The next morning the whole family, plus Mike and AJ, are at the courthouse for Callie’s adoption. In a nice touch, Lena is wearing the same outfit he had on when she met Callie for the first time. Before they can go in they learn that the judge saw Callie’s first video on Fost & Found and he’s not happy about it. Stef and Lena want Callie to apologize but she doesn’t want to take it back. She meant every word and she can’t take it back even if it means she doesn’t get adopted. Oh, Callie, I don’t know what to do with you.

They have done some bananas shit on this show but having Callie walk into a courtroom full of clapping foster kids is one of the funniest. Family Court is not open to the public. No one gets to be in there. Whatever. Jude and Connor hold hands while Callie explains to the judge that the system is broken and the ones who knows that, the kids, don’t have a say. The judge agrees that the system needs help and he’s glad Callie is trying to change it. When she assure him that nothing is going on between she and Brandon he grants the adoption.

Jude tells Connor to go to LA. He needs a family that loves him and if that’s in LA he should go. Jude loves Connor and he wants him to have a family that loves him the way Jude’s loves him..

Back at home there’s a visitor. His name is Jesús and he’s back from boarding school. The head transplant was successful and it looks like all the kids are back under one roof for a while.

Here are a few of our favorite #GaydyBunch tweets from last night’s finale.

So that’s it for the Adams Fosters until January. Thanks for reading and I will catch you back here for season 3B. Until then let’s chat in the comments.

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