“Gossip Girl” mini-cap: Hot for teacher

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Picking up trash for a week is Blair’s detention for her tomfoolery with Ms. Carr (Rachel, if she likes you). Trash duty? That’s what you get for an unexcused tardy not stranding a teacher in a big city park alone at night in an act of revenge. But as lenient as the punishment is, it’s still too tough for Blair, so Dorota has to do it. Blair’s father brings a morning picnic for his hardworking daughter because he believes she’s being scapegoated by a mean, evil teacher. Parents are so gullible.

Blair completes her detention, but still tries to rally the Mean Girl troops to help wage war on Ms. Carr. Blair argues that Ms. Carr, an outsider, has stepped onto Constance Billard turf and is attempting to take away the girls’ way of life by messing with their traditions and values and minimizing the impact the girls have had on Constance Billard culture and history. It’s quite a rallying cry, but the girls’ are mean, not stupid. They want no part of Blair’s vendetta — until the headmistress announces that all cell phone use is banned during school hours and phones must be turned in before each school day. And yeah, it’s Ms. Carr’s idea. The Mean Girls jump on board the vendetta train.

Serena and Dan haven’t spoken for a week. They aren’t mad at each other; it’s more that they aren’t mad for each other anymore. Serena is being mentored by Rachel and feels that Rachel is really showing an interest in Serena’s academic future. She visits a coffee shop before school excited to show Rachel her most recent draft, but sees Rachel and Dan already having coffee and Rachel is fawning over some of Dan’s writings. Serena’s a little thrown off to see them together and all the Dan fawning intimidates her.

Chuck, who apparently doesn’t attend school, wakes up in some hotel with a weird tattoo-like stamp on his wrist. He flashes back to scenes from the night before with scantily clad women and businessmen all wearing masks like in a masquerade ball but it’s all foggy. He calls Nate to try to explain the evening and realizes that he can’t. He still has the invitation and the address of where he went, and he asks Nate to meet him over there.

At school, Blair and the cronies hole up waiting for Dorota to drop off the now-illegal contraband of new cell phones. Once they have the phones, they Google their brains out looking for dirt on Rachel but there’s nothing. As they begin to leave for classes, Blair sees Dan and Rachel in the hallway with Dan stammering around nervous, and Blair gets a sense that maybe more is going on between them. Blair sends the rumor to Gossip Girl and before too long, Dan gets the atta-boy nods of admiration from the guys. Jenny tells him about the rumor and Dan’s ticked because he knows it taints Rachel, not him.

Serena asks Dan about the rumor, and he says it isn’t true. He’s confused because he thinks everyone digs Rachel, but Serena tips him that Blair’s not a big fan. Dan confronts Blair and she denies posting anything, but Blair’s snide denials are always admissions.

Serena sees Rachel on campus and tells her she was intimidated to show Rachel her paper, and Rachel gives her a pep talk and all is well. As Serena and Rachel walk the campus, Rachel gets stares of scorn from female students and Serena tells her that a rumor is floating on Gossip Girl about her inappropriate relationship with Dan. Serena talks about the website and how you can anonymously start rumors and ruin people’s reputations and engage in juvenile public humiliation with no recourse, and boy, isn’t that fun! She advises Rachel to just ignore it because people forget and it will all go away.

Not being one to ignore things, Rachel tells the headmistress about the rumor and Blair is called into the office and expelled! Hey, I thought Blair might have to scrape gum from under the desks for this one. Blair’s in shock and insists they have no proof, but in walks Nelly Yuki saying she ratted Blair out because it was either Blair or all the Mean Girls and Nelly opted for just Blair.

Nate and Vanessa meet Chuck at the house where the party was held. It’s vacant with a “for sale” sign out front; inside, there is no sign of a party from the previous night. Chuck sees a picture of the gorgeous woman that he made out with the night before. (Hmm, she mysteriously looks a lot like Jenny Schecter’s ex-girlfriend Nikki.) In the picture the woman is holding a baby and looks so wholesome that it’s hard for Nate and Vanessa to buy what Chuck’s saying. Chuck calls the real estate agent hoping to learn more about this woman.

Chuck finds out the name of the owner and learns that the woman he was kissing, Elle, is the nanny to the children of the owner and that the nanny was with the family the previous night. He’s really confused, but he leaves his name and number anyway in hopes the nanny will call him back to clear up a few things.

At home, heartbroken Blair is comforted by her father. He’s ready to fight for her but asks for the truth so he doesn’t look like an idiot fighting on a lie. Blair insists that she didn’t start that rumor and that she didn’t write anything untrue. A parent meeting is called for that evening.

Serena meets with Rachel to beg for mercy on her girlfriend Blair’s behalf, but Rachel isn’t hearing it. Can’t say I blame her. When Rachel leaves, she leaves behind her day planner with a meet-up with Dan penciled in. At the meet-up, Rachel is crying because her rep has been ruined by Blair’s rumor, and Dan tries to comfort her by playing with her hair and leaning in to try to hug on her. Serena watches from outside and snaps a picture because she’s mad that Dan lied to her about Rachel. Serena then gives the picture to Blair who takes it to the parent meeting.

After being assured by Dan of no wrongdoing, Rufus is ready to do battle for his kid. The parents discuss banning contact with the Gossip Girl site, but that’s dumb and they talk about free speech versus slanderous statements and all agree that what Blair did was wrong. That is, until Blair shows up and shows them the picture of Dan and Rachel looking waaay cozy.

Serena texted Dan to meet her at the parent meeting. She tells him that she took a picture and was really hurt that he lied. He assures her that he didn’t lie and then they break up for a third time. Is this the charm?

Rachel is fired. Blair gloats to Dan about her Gossip Girl rumor and her dad overhears it and is really disappointed by the person Blair has become.

As for Chuck, Elle meets him at the house and gets all cryptic. She sent the invitation to Mr. Bass but it was meant for Bart, not Chuck, and when she realized the error, she drugged Chuck and got him out of there before the other men realized that a non-member was in their mist. This is a secret society of wealthy, connected men. Elle tells Chuck to just forget anything about that night and to never contact her again. But really what’s the fun in that? The next day, Chuck learns that Elle never made it home.

Dan feels awful about Rachel’s firing and goes to her house to apologize.

Rachel, who is no longer a teacher at school, pulls Dan into a kiss and they begin to undress and engage in a good toss about.

The headmistress realizes that she can’t really fire Ms. Carr because the school may be sued for wrongful termination, so she calls Ms. Carr to let her know she’s unfired, but Ms. Carr is busy having her sonnet inappropriately read by Dan Humphrey.

What’s this secret society? Has Blair learned her lesson or is Nelly Yuki in big trouble?

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