Previously on The Fosters, Callie asked to buy her own car and Brandon threw a fit when he found out he had to share his. Jude threw Callie a surprise birthday party complete with Sophia, Robert, Rita, and everyone from Girls United. Wyatt showed up, freaked Mariana out, made Stef want to punch his face, and then yelled at Callie. Happy birthday! Your sister slept with your ex and now he’s yelling at you! Stef and Lena went to therapy but still Lena doesn’t think she needs to tell Stef about that kiss with Monte even though the secret is eating her alive. Seriously, in two weeks she’s going to start looking like Gollum. AJ gave Callie a drawing for her birthday and then kissed her because apparently there’s nothing more attractive to Callie than nightmare dressed like a foster brother (I actually like AJ so far but come on, Callie). Stef sees them kissing and reaches for her spritz bottle to blast them in the face with water.
AJ and Callie sitting on a bench talking about superheroes-are they gonna French? Ty interrupts their longing gazes and Callie skips off to meet up with Mariana. Once she’s gone, Ty asks AJ if Callie knows that they’re leaving (on a jet plane?).
Callie and Mariana hand a wad of cash to the guy selling the car. He looks sketchy as hell as he scurries off with their cash. Mariana wants to drive it home but Callie reminds her that they haven’t told their moms, they don’t have insurance, and really they should leave the car where it is lest they get into trouble.
When Callie gets home, she walks into a snake pit of moms. Stef saw Callie kiss AJ and they called Rita in for backup. They can’t risk anything affecting her adoption, so she and AJ can’t live together in the same house.
Brandon has talked his way back into Idyllwild because Jin, Tony’s pianist (hee hee), has agreed to deal with Diva Brandon. It’s so nice for Brandon to catch a break for once!
Mike and Stef are sitting on the front porch waiting for AJ to come home. Mike thinks it’s best if he talks to AJ alone since Stef is pretty good a popping off unnecessarily. When AJ bounces up the steps he’s a little surprised to see Mikey waiting for him.
Mike and Rita stay for dinner which involves Rita asking Callie and AJ 20 questions before Stef and Lena tell everyone that AJ is going to be living with Rita. The moms feed the kids a lame lie about how they don’t want to take the classes to get recertified as foster parents but they sure are going to miss having AJ around.
Mariana has some excellent news-she has been asked to be Isabella’s godmother! And it gets better: She is going to get baptized in the Catholic Church! Stef practically laughs in her face. Nope, Mariana, no baptism for you. Nopety, nope.
Callie walks Rita out and promises her that AJ isn’t like Brandon. She’s not in love with him, she just made a mistake. Rita gets it. She’ been eating her veggies and exercising and sticking to her diet plan but last week she ate a cake-a whole cake. Habits are hard to break, but you have to keep trying. And maybe next time invite me over for cake, Rita.
AJ thinks maybe if he’s living at Rita’s he and Callie can-you know. Nope. Callie shuts that down because she needs to focus on herself right now.
The moms are cuddling and drinking wine and looking like a couple that actually likes each other, so of course Mariana comes blasting in demanding to know why she can’t get baptized. She argues that golden boy got baptized so why can’t she. Oh, Mariana, that was a lifetime ago when Stef was trying to be straight and trying not to disappoint her dad in a thousand different ways. Now she’s a lesbian, he’s dead, and so is her need to please him. Mariana wants to know what they believe in. Lena and Stef exchange a look and Lena says they believe in love and kindness not heaven and hell and a god who dictates what people can and cannot do. Mariana just wants to be Isabella’s godmother, not convert to a religion she knows doesn’t support same-sex marriage or a woman’s right to choose and she really doesn’t get why it’s a big deal.
Callie is brushing her teeth when Brandon decides he wants to talk about AJ. Callie changes the subject by asking how band camp is going. He says he’s trying something risky and doesn’t know if it’s any good. Callie says, “I actually don’t care so maybe ask one of your friend, the pianist.” The next day, Brandon does just that and Tony tells him to go with his gut. Sadly, Brandon is a bit gutless.
At the bakery, Reagan doesn’t understand why Mariana’s moms don’t want her to be the godmother. It’s complicated. You see, the Catholic Church isn’t exactly a warm, welcoming place for the gays, particularly since we know Stef’s dad sent her to talk to a priest when he caught her being gay as a teenager. So, there’s baggage. Speaking of baggage, Elena is yelling at Ana in the kitchen because she clearly assuming Ana is using again. Ana storms out and Stef and Lena stride in, looking all John Wayne. They want to talk to Victor and Elena. You fucked with the wrong lesbians, abuelos.
Lena breaks it down for them: They have a relationship with Mariana because the moms allow it. Ana isn’t her mother and they aren’t her grandparents. They are way out of bounds here. They apologize, sort of but then push back. Stef and Lena don’t go to church, right? But why do they mind if their kids believe in god?
Whoa boy. Religion on it own is such a loaded thing. It’s so loaded it’s on the list of things not to talk about at polite dinner parties (along with Sparia vs Spemily). But add on top of that already loaded conversation decades of pain inflicted on individual members of the gay community (on top of centuries of pain) in the name of religion. Victor and Elena see the church as a place of love and community and maybe for them that’s what it is. Stef and Lena see it as a place of control, shame, and intolerance. I don’t know how you bridge that gap. We mostly don’t talk about religion with those in our families who are religious. I’m not sure I could remain polite if it came up. Personally, I feel like I need religion as much as I need a third leg. But it gets complicated with kids because they ask why their grandparents go to church and what happens there. I am not sure how you explain the pain caused in the name of religion without giving them the sense that their relatives are bad people for finding comfort in something that has been so hurtful. I just don’t know.
Anyway, Ty meets Mike and he’s got a lot of questions about why the white cop is trying to save his brother. He’s seen this movie before. Mike calms answers that he’s not trying to save anyone and he’s not just in it until AJ ages out. He wants to help AJ go to college and will support him however he can.
Callie makes her presentation to the faculty about her app. It’s smart and useful and she seems to have all the answers but one of the teachers just isn’t convinced. Callie’s project at the community center was much more immersive. I know Callie getting fired was going to come up, but I think this lady is a bit of an idiot if she thinks Callie hasn’t been “immersed” in the foster care system.
Back at Mike’s house, Ty smells a rat. He doesn’t trust the Adams Fosters and thinks they are moving AJ around so they can get rid of him. AJ objects but Ty tells him to give him a call when he realizes he’s being played.
Jin plays brandon’s piece, on the regular piano and the instructor tells Brandon it’s good to have him back. But when everyone else leaves, he says Brandon needs to take more chances. Man, if you had been watching for the past few seasons you would know that nothing good comes of Brandon taking chances.
Rita is ready to bring AJ to live with her as long as he is ready to abide by her rules. No lying, no running away, no fighting, and no getting Callie fired from any more jobs. Mike didn’t know Callie got fired so this is news to him. Rita only gives one chance and then you’re out (unless you’re Callie).
Lena is fired up about Jesus (Christ, not their “son” who is out of town until next season). How dare the Gutierrezes blackmail Mariana into being baptized! Stef agrees but thinks maybe they should have talked more about god with their kids so they wouldn’t be so susceptible to the influence of the first person who came offering god. It’s church, Stef, not a candy bar. Lena isn’t having it, but Stef reminds her they always said they would let their kids choose their own spiritual path. Is 15 old enough to let that freedom kick in? And if they let her, do they also tell her about what the church means to them? Do they tell her about how Stef was sent to a priest when her father caught her with a girl? I don’t know. I really don’t. Would it be wrong to tell my kids that their grandparents sent my wife to a priest when she came out? So much has changed since then but the hurt remains. They aren’t the same people. We may have forgiven them but I certainly haven’t forgotten the hurt. Parenting means figuring it out even when you don’t have the first clue what the right answer is.
Mike drives AJ back home and wants to know if AJ is interested in Callie. AJ says he is and that it’s not against the rules if he lives with Mike or Rita. Mike tells AJ that Callie i a great girl and all but she just rains drama everywhere. Okay, Mike that’s a little rich considering Brandon wasn’t exactly Mr. Innocent in all of this. Anyway, AJ takes it as an indication that Mike doesn’t want AJ with Callie because AJ is black. Oh dude, he’s trying to protect you from CallieAmity, not the other way around.
Mariana is checking out what the inside of a church looks like. Ana comes in late with Isabella and Mariana asks her if she’s okay. Ana says she isn’t using but her parents never trust her. She threw out her pain meds and got a refill when she couldn’t deal with the pain on her own. she’s happy Mariana agreed to do this since not getting the twins baptized was just another of her regrets. Stef and lena show up with a gift for Mariana and Isabella. They show up and play nice when they meet the priest. Nice work, moms.
Father Peña meets with Mariana and goes over how he will introduce her as Mariana Gutierrez. Nope, that’s not right. He will introduce her as Mariana Adams Foster and she will promise that she believes all the stuff the church says. she asks if it’s a sin to say she believes all of it if she doesn’t. He wants to know what he doesn’t believe and Mariana says well you met my lesbian moms, would they be welcome. Sure, he says, we welcome all sinners. She throws her Chinese food in a trashcan and then knocks them into the street.
AJ clomps into the kitchen all pissed off that he was told to stay away from the princess. Callie hands him the last two seasons on DVD and then fills him in on how Mike isn’t looking out for her, he’s trying to protect AJ from getting swallowed alive by the Callie tornado. Callie runs out because it’s time to move her car. Alternative street parking is a bitch, man! AJ wants her to back up to the part where she bought a car. He convinces her to take a spin around the block while they look for a parking spot and of course they get pulled over. Of course they do!
Mariana walks out of her meeting and hands Ana the baptism gift. Mariana bops back to Stef and Lena and sits down. She can’t stand up and say she believes in a church that thinks her moms are sinners for being gay. She’s not here for that kind of bullshit. Reagan stops by to ask if anyone has seen Ana. Apparently she went to the bathroom and didn’t come back. I feel you Ana. I pulled that same trick so many times when my parents dragged us to church.
Brandon is the only one surprised when Tony decides to use the prepared piano for his piece. Oh, Brandon, the cards are just soooo stacked against you. You poor thing! Brandon yells at Tony for stealing his idea and tells him to watch out! They come thiiiiis close to saying “My pianist is bigger than yours!”
No one can find Ana so her parents are ready to baptize Isabella without her. When Mariana calls foul they tell her that it’s a family matter and she clearly doesn’t want to be part of their family so butt out. Victor, you’re kind of an asshole. Stef gets a call saying that AJ and Callie have been arrested. See? No good ever comes of going to church.
Stef can’t believe that Mariana and Callie bought a stolen car. Mariana has the chutzpah to ask if they are going to get their money back since the cops took the car. Oh you sweet moron. Stef and Lena are thinking that they could have had a dog. Dogs don’t get arrested or run clitorference.
While Stef and Lena try to think of something to make for dinner after this effing day, Ana walks in and says she wants Stef and Lena to take Isabella. Stef and Lena need another kid like a kick in the head. The moms call Victor and Elena over and Ana tells everyone that she feels like a terrible mother. She doesn’t feel connected to her baby. Lena and Stef immediately recognize the signs that Ana is suffering from postpartum depression. Victor scoffs and calls it an excuse. Mariana has heard enough. She doesn’t understand why he is always cutting Ana down. Her moms taught her to believe in people and in family and she believes in Ana. Elena says Mariana doesn’t understand what they have been through. Sure, maybe not but she knows Ana stole her money and lied to her and left her behind one Christmas to go get high. Stef and Lena do their best not to look too smug but their daughter is a badass. Good parenting will do that. Lena thinks the Catholic Church is bullshit but she does think they know what they are talking about when it comes to forgiveness. Everyone needs that sometimes.
Stef can’t believe the day they have had. Lena looks out the kitchen window and says she hates Frankie’s tree. She hates it and she feels terrible that she hates it. But she can’t see it without remembering that she lost her baby. Stef stops. Lena ha been struggling and she keeps thinking it will go away but it doesn’t. Every morning it slaps her in the face and punches her in the gut. It steals her breath. This loss is more than she can take and it has made her depressed. Stef promises her it will get better. The venom of the grief will work its way out of her system. It takes time, love. it takes time and Stef will be there through it all.
These two actresses are the whole show. Three quarters of the time this show is a circus, all whirling, twirling plates in the air. Three rings of action, action, action! But this stuff, the quarter that is quiet, this is the stuff that keeps me coming back. There is so much noise, so much chaos in our worlds we can fail to notice the quiet stuff. They have been pushing it to the side, ignoring it like that kiss Lena hasn’t mentioned, but it’s there. When Lena tells Stef she’s hurting, when she admits that she needs some help with this one, Stef’s there. She may screw up six days a week with her quick temper and words that spill out before she thinks but she rises to the occasion when necessary. This is what, one minute out of a 42 minute episode? But it’s the good stuff. It’s the stuff that tells me someone writing this knows what it’s like to be married, to be tied to someone and determined to muck through it all together because there is no one in the world who makes you feel known.
The episode ends with a social worker popping by to say that because they took out a restraining order against brandon she has to investigate and Callie can’t be in the house until she does. Universe: 1 billion. Callie: Zero.
Here are a few of our favorite #GaydyBunch tweets from last night’s episode.
At this point, Callie is just collecting all the consequences Brandon avoids. #gaydybunch
– Ashe B (@birobot) July 21, 2015
Does Jesus even exist anymore? #GaydyBunch
– Valerie Anne (@PunkyStarshine) July 21, 2015
Stef and Lena, sitting together, drinking wine, listening to music. So serene. So, naturally, a kid shows up to ruin it. #gaydybunch
– Ashe B (@birobot) July 21, 2015
Plot twist: Callie actually gets adopted by Stef & Lena #thefosters #gaydybunch
– Ange (@AngeloYellow) July 21, 2015
Are we really gonna find out who A is before Callie gets adopted? #GaydyBunch
– Lady Liberty (@CindyLMarshall) July 21, 2015
