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“Rookie Blue” recap (6.2): Runaways and Rat Poison

Previously on Rookie Blue, Swarek got Marlo pregnant, Duncan was the worst, Juliet joined 15 Division and is a tad bit shady, and Gail is a nice, single, homosexual police officer trying to adopt a child and living life one snarky comment at a time.

We start on a good note because Gail is trying to get out of Diaz’s car and he reaches to stop her, which displeases her greatly.

One does not simply TOUCH Gail Peck.

Chris explains himself: They can’t get out of the car yet because Jarvis and his wife are getting out of their car just behind them. Gail checks out Mrs. Jarvis and says she’s hot, wondering aloud how Jarvis landed such a looker. Chris lets it slip that she’s into cops and Gail realizes that this is the married woman he’s been sleeping with. He says he’s tried to call it off, but he is not particularly dedicated to the cause. Jarvis comes up to their car, saying things like “keep her purring” and asking Chris to service his wife’s car. Gail’s face is unabashed shock and it’s hilarious. But Jarvis doesn’t notice and walks away, while Gail tells Chris that he has to break things off with Mrs. Jarvis STAT.

“How did YOU land such a looker?”

Andy’s having an even rougher morning, trying to keep it together in the wake of the news that her boyfriend is having a baby with his ex-girlfriend, both of whom are also Andy’s coworkers. She runs into Marlo and tries really hard to act normal but it’s just too hard and even though Marlo explains that she applied for a transfer and doesn’t want to sink the McSwarek ship, Andy’s giant doe eyes keep filling with tears and it’s heartbreaking.

I think she should play some basketball to let off steam.

Andy runs to Traci and wonders if she should just walk away from the whole mess, but before she can make any decisions, Gail comes and tells them that they have a missing 16-year-old girl who takes priority.

Christopher from Gilmore Girls is the father of the missing girl, and he’s at 15 Division with his young son and his nervous wife. He seems to be very controlling, getting angry when his son says his sister, Hayley, was wearing a pink unicorn shirt when she left, cutting off his wife when she tries to explain why she sent her daughter to the gas station for milk.

They call the gas station, and find out that the attendant who was working around the time of Hayley’s disappearance is missing. What’s worse, Gail finds pictures of Hayley on his Instagram that don’t look like they were taken with Hayley’s permission.

Chloe finds the boy’s mother and, with no help from Gerald, finds out where he could be hiding. Juliet and Nick head there and find the boy in a camper, but he has a police scanner and there’s no sign of the girl. The boy’s name is Connor and he claims to not know where Hayley is, so he’s taken back to the station.

Traci asks Connor if he knows Hayley, showing him a picture of Gracie from Orphan Black. Apparently Zoe De Grand Maison gets typecast as overly-sheltered-teenage-girl. Anyway, Connor eventually lets it slip that if anything happened to Hayley, it wouldn’t be his fault, causing Traci to give him some epic side-eye.

“You believe this bitch?”

Gail comes in and tells Traci that they found Hayley’s unicorn shirt in the fire pit at the campground and Connor insists he saved Hayley. Traci puts on her mom voice and Swarek starts growling scare tactics and finally Connor agrees to take them to Hayley. He leads them deep into the woods until they find a firewood shed, out from which Hayley sprints when they get close.

Andy catches up with her, though, much to Hayley’s chagrin.

“DON’T MAKE ME GO BACK TO THE PROLETHEANS!”

Hayley and Connor tell the cops all the insane things her father has done, from locking her in the garage when she’s in trouble to killing their dog and making her watch. She’s willing to tell them anything they want to know about her dad; she doesn’t want to send him to jail necessarily-she just wants to be free.

At the station, Swarek tries to get information out of Father of the Year by pretending to sympathize, giving him coffee and making their char informal. He even asks for advice for his own kid, to which Not-Christopher says terrifying things that Swarek sums up by says, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” Unfortunately, nothing he said was enough hold him, and Swarek has to let the father go.

After Traci and Andy drop the mother and children off at home, Hayley begs them not to leave.

I wouldn’t kick them out of bed-er, I mean, my house.

They ask to be shown the garage, where all of Daddy’s hunting equipment lines the wall; not exactly the most cheerful place for a girl to sleep. Hayley notices the freezer is empty and panics, saying she’ll end up in there when her father comes home. This makes Hayley’s mother agree to be taken to a hotel to stay safe.

At the hotel, the kids are given free range of the snacks and sodas. (Though Gail advises to avoid the cheese puffs. Once you pop, the fun don’t-wait, wrong snack. Anyway, they’re addictive.) Gail stays with the kids while Traci and Andy talk to the mom and try to help her decide what to do for her family now.

Hayley snaps at her brother when he spills soda all over the place, but Gail sends him into the kitchen to pour over the sink and then tells Hayley to be nice to her brother; he might not get the same abuse as she does, but they’re in this together. Siblings should stick together.

Besides, it’s not like he’s sadistic like your father!

Hayley takes this advice to heart and is nicer to her brother when he comes back with a soda for her.

Later, Gail pops her head in the bedroom to tell everyone Hayley is taking a bath, but as soon as her back is turned, the little boy calls his dad and tells him everything.

Luckily, Not-Christopher didn’t go right to the hotel, but unluckily, he went to Connor’s house to beat the crap out of him. But Nick and Juliet had been right outside the house (I guess he snuck in the back?) so they drag him off before he can kill the poor kid.

Meanwhile at the station, Swarek decides that even if he wouldn’t be the best dad ever, he knows he can be better than this fool, and also better than his own father. He’s unsure what to do, but Oliver tells him the most true advice ever: “The best thing you can do for your kid is to be happy yourself.” Broken homes aren’t the ones that are the product of divorce. Broken homes are the one where everyone is miserable and taking it out on each other; broken homes is where the love is hard to find.

At the hotel, Hayley begs her mom not to take them home, back to that man, back to their broken home. She starts to freak out, but then falls to the floor and has a seizure, obviously not just the product of a panic attack. Her brother steps up and admits that he gave Hayley the same stuff his dad gave their dog Zeke when he needed to be taught a lesson. Gail checks said stuff out and it’s pest poison.

What were you saying about him not being sadistic?

What’s really sad is, the little boy truly believes he was doing the right thing, because he was raised by a man with an ass-backwards moral compass.

Gail stays in the ambulance with Hayley while Andy convinces Hayley’s mother that if she wants her children to stay with her, she’s going to have to prove that she can raise them better than her husband had been doing thus far. She promises she’ll do whatever it takes to keep her children safe.

Later, at the precinct, Gail asks Chris if he broke up with Mrs. Jarvis yet. He says he’s on the way to do it right now, but Gail accuses him of wearing “sex cologne” and is ready to smack some sense into him.

“I still have some of that rat poison if you don’t wise up.”

But she’s interrupted by Jarvis himself, who pulls Diaz into a room. They discuss a construction project, and then Diaz asks Jarvis how his budget meeting went. Jarvis admits that they had tried to make him make employment cuts at 15 Division, but he’s been in such a great mood lately because his wife has been in such a great mood that he fought to keep everyone. He smiles as he leaves, and Chris shrugs at Gail and says he can’t break with with Mrs. Jarvis now-their jobs depend on it! To which Gail, unsurprisingly, rolls her eyes.

Boys are stupid.

In the end, after giving Hayley’s mother advice about family and choices, Andy decides that she loves Swarek enough to stay, even though things are bound to get tricky. She will make sure that this child will never feel unwanted or unloved, not if she has anything to do with it.

What did you think of “Perfect Family”?

(Reminder to our neighbors to the north, please only discuss this episode or any that came before it. Don’t spoil the season for the US viewers!)

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