“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 6.02 “Least Likely”


Family values to the rescue — Bette and Tina try to free everyone from the black hole of Calcutta by sharing their good news. It seems they’ve registered with three different adoption agencies, and have a good chance of expanding their family in the next six months. And to make room for the new little one, they’re starting construction on a second story. Hey, Jenny: That’s your cue to talk about yourself! You know, like every other sentence ever uttered.

Jenny: When were you going to tell me about construction?

Tina: We’re telling you now. We have to; we need room for the baby.

Jenny: How am I supposed to write with all that noise?

Tina: I’m sorry, Jenny. We’ll do our best not to disturb you, but you might want to get some earplugs.

Sigh. It’s annoying that Jenny has let all the air out of the briefly elevated mood, but in her defense, there’s nothing worse than being surrounded by noise when you’re trying to write. It can make a person downright homicidal. Oh, wait; maybe I killed Jenny!

Jenny shuffles out, muttering that it’s going to be impossible for her to find a new roommate with all the racket next door. Shane tries to tell Jenny that she doesn’t need a new roommate, but Jenny still doesn’t see why she should even bother to talk to Shane.

Jenny: You create this trail of destruction and you don’t take any responsibility for it. Why should you be the only one that doesn’t pay?

Shane: I am paying.
Jenny: You are so full of s—.

Jenny exits silently. Alice calls it like she sees it: "The black hole."

Paying — At Jenny’s house, Shane is putting in some flower boxes that Jenny has always wanted. Tom and Max stop briefly to chat. Whoa. Max, what is on your face?!

He looks like a lost Gibb brother. He has the disco falsetto to go with the beard, and he’s definitely more than a woman!

Jenny interrupts to ask Max to help her with her computer; there’s "something wrong" with it. But Max declines this opportunity to show off his computer search (and/or missile defense) skills. He’s on his way to his final consult before his surgery. Good luck, Max! And can I have the number of your surgeon? I want to make sure he or she shaves you everywhere while prepping you to go under the knife. I mean, just to be on the safe side.

Shaolin Studios — Tina and her co-workers are in a meeting, at which the poster for Lez Girls has just been revealed. It looks more like the cover of a Harlequin novel.

Guess how thrilled Tina is?

Tina: What’s The Girls? The movie is called Lez Girls. Lez!

The poster is bad enough, but there’s also a new boy-meets-girl ending, which has already tested through the roof. Tina tries to protest the het-washing, but Aaron says flatly, "Get on board, Tina. Train’s not going to Lezzie Town." Yeah; it’s obviously going to Crapstone or Penistone.

Another treacherous conference room — At California University, some art department bigwigs (including Phyllis) are reveling in Jodi’s public humiliation of Bette — oops, I mean they’re raving about her multimedia piece, "Core." Apparently it’s the talk of the art world. Jodi is basking in the praise. What happened to sweet, warm, generous Jodi? I no longer recognize her.

Bette arrives. She apologizes for her tardiness and explains that she had to talk to a contractor about the baby-makes-four construction. How long will it take you to reconstruct your own dignity, Bette, now that Jodi has splattered your indiscretions all over Art Journal?

The not-so-final consult — Max is discussing his goals with his doctor. He’s been working out a lot and wants to be able to take his shirt off at the beach next year.

Max: Feel my pecs.

The doctor takes him up on that and is duly impressed. Max babbles excitedly, noting that he’s doing well with the contour but will need more chest hair to cover up the scars. (Don’t worry, Max; the brothers Gibb have plenty of that to go around.) But scars are the least of his problems.

Doctor: You’re pregnant.

Max: No, I can’t be pregnant. No — I’ve been taking testosterone.
Doctor: Have you had intercourse? Have you and Tom had unprotected sex?
Max: Yeah, but we’ve both been tested for HIV. We’ve been monogamous.
Doctor: Max, if you and Tom have had vaginal sex — I know you might not call it that, but unfortunately, that doesn’t stop it from working the same way. Taking testosterone doesn’t shut down the reproductive system.

Max. That’s awful! I truly feel terrible for you. What could be worse for you at this phase of your transition? Pretty much nothing.

But hang on a minute. This is not what I would call writing. It’s more like scrapbooking. See something interesting in the newspaper? Clip and save — better yet, paste it right into the script!

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