Previously on The Fosters, Monte kissed Lena and then asked her to go on a nerd vacation with her. Lena declined the invitation, but also decided that since Monte is straight she might as well not tell Stef about the kissing. Stef and Lena decided that hat a show about a two-mom family needed was an episode devoted to….dads. So we had Donald, Robert, Mike, and Connor’s dad all enjoying a wacky Father’s Day. (Next time, how about we put all the dads on Robert’s yacht and let Gilligan take them for a spin?) Brandon got loaded with mean girl Kat at band camp, and Mariana spent some quality time with Ana talking about sex and terrible decisions of all kinds. Mike decided to foster that kid who made Callie lose her job, but until he gets the paperwork in, AJ will be sharing the outhouse with the other 37 members of the Adams Foster home for little wanderers (and unicorns).
Stef, Lena, Callie, Jude, Mariana, AJ, Mike and a partridge in a pear tree are having dinner in the dream kitchen. AJ is going to be tagging along with Callie during the day and hanging out with Mike in the afternoons until Mike gets his foster license. AJ calls Lena “Ma’am,” compliments the food, and thanks Jude for offering to share a room with him. Everyone shares at the Adams Foster’s home. Everyone except for Brandon, the human embodiment of white male privilege. Brandon walks in, sizes up the new addition, and looks like he smelled a fart when Mariana says that Mike is fostering AJ.
The parents explain that AJ is a good kid and that when they met him they thought of Mike. Brandon gets all bent out of shape about it after he learns AJ was in juvie. Weird, he didn’t seem to care that Callie was in juvie. Mike thanks the moms for being awesome and leaves them to do some processing on the couch.
For anyone not paying attention, Lena mentions how this dinner reminded her of the first dinner with Callie when she asked Stef and Lena if they were dykes. Ah, memories. Stef gets a call that reminds her that she has plans. She reacts to this reminder as well as I would: She doesn’t want to leave the comfort of her wife’s lap to go hang out with a bunch of lesbians. Lena sends her off anyway. She has some Poussey/Watson fanfic to read.
Connor and Jude are playing video games in the living room. Jude, who had a front row seat for his boyfriend getting shot, does not appreciate the loud shooter game and asks Connor to turn it down. Connor calls him a granny and our little ones are having their first fight.
AJ is upstairs looking at pictures, snooping in Brandon’s room, and asking Callie if Brandon is “the real son.” Did they just take the pilot and cut up the lines and repaste them into the script for this episode? He and Callie trade barbs until Brandon walks in and Callie says AJ’s tour is over.
Stef and Jenna are sitting in a bar that looks more like a hotel lobby, ogling women. Stef is drinking something that looks like ecto-cooler in a martini glass and reminding Jenna that she cannot date women who are young enough to be her daughter. Jenna spies a lady she likes. That lady is Monte. Jenna requests a trip to the principal’s office. I hope Jenna never leaves-she’s hilarious.
Mariana is all set to set Callie up with AJ since she hasn’t had a boyfriend since Wyatt. Well, maybe let’s not talk about Wyatt since he and Mariana had sex in the most outrageously absurd out of character moment for both of them. Anyway, Callie has to find a new independent study project since she got fired. She really doesn’t want to talk about it and Mariana says that’s cool-before launching into 20 questions.
Lena gives AJ a backpack and a pad of paper so he can draw. He asks if Jesús did something wrong. She says no, he’s just got a scholarship to head transplant university but he’ll be back next season looking like a whole new person. Jude comes out of the bathroom and tells AJ to just chuck a pillow at him if his teeth grinding keeps him awake. Can we send Brandon to Camp Judicorn?
Plumber number two is checking out the hole in the ceiling. Carl promises Lena a quote by the end of the day before asking if he should send it to her or to her husband. Stef walks in and he asks if they are sisters. Oh, silly straight people who think it’s more likely for Stef and Lena to be sisters than wives.
Lena wants to know how Stef’s time at the lezzie bar was (as if they didn’t talk about it the night before when Stef got home). Jena met the woman of her dreams who just happens to be Lena’s boss. Lena says, “Well, maybe Monte isn’t gay,” but nope, Stef tells her she was there on a date, which Stef knows because Jenna made Stef introduce them. (See? Nothing good comes from being social.) To top it all off, Jenna wants Lena to set her up with Monte. Lena says no way until Jenna calls up and invites herself over for another one of the legendary Adams Foster dinner parties.
Jude comes looking for Lena’s phone while Stef is unlocking her gun and getting ready for work. How did she deal with being around guns after she got shot? She tells him that she went back to the shooting range until she felt comfortable. He just doesn’t understand how Connor can play the shooter games. Stef kisses him and tells him it’s okay to be afraid of guns.
Mariana is starting her first shift at the bakery with her cousin Reagan Adriana. Business sucks, but Victor is happy to pay his granddaughters to hang out. Lena, Callie and AJ pull up to Bayside and AJ can’t believe that they go to school on the beach with no bars or fences. Callie assures him that you can run away any time you want (she knows-she’s done it half a dozen times).
Monte walks into Lena’s office full of apologies for everything being super weird. It’s just hard to be a straight lady and maybe she’s not so straight so she thought why not try dating a lady or two. But then Stef walked in and it got weird. This is why you shouldn’t be planting your lips on your married co-workers, Monte!
Adriana is fawning over pictures of Mat while Mariana tries to pretend that Wyatt is just a random, um, friend. Right, a friend from school. Acquaintance, really. The cafe is bombing because everyone buys their pastries from the grocery store and they don’t have a signature item, like a churronut, to pull in the customers. No worries-Mariana is a genius and is going to work on some demand side economics and convince Victor that “trendy” can equal big money.
Connor is telling Jude all about how bloody and awesome the new zombie game is. Jude tells him he would like to be anywhere but near Connor while he plays it. Okay, no. He makes up an excuse and says he and Stef are going to the shooting range. Connor wants to come and learn to shoot a real gun. Whoops. Lying is not your friend, Judicorn.
While Callie talks to her teacher about a new independent study on the history of the foster care system, AJ slips out the back of the classroom. He isn’t making a break for it-he’s just checking out the beach before Mike picks him up.
Lena can’t believe that Jenna is Monte’s type. She doesn’t have Lena’s laid-back personality or incredible hair. Hell, she’s not even an educator! Stef is like “Um, honey how do you know what her type is if you didn’t even know she was gay?” Jude saves Lena by walking in, offering to help with dinner, and then asking if Stef will show him how to shoot. Lena is appalled by the notion of Judicorn shooting a gun. Stef sends him packing with a promise that she and Lena will talk about it. Lena thinks it’s a terrible idea, case closed. Erm, just spitballing here, but ladies maybe you need to work on communicating?
Brandon gets to Mike’s early for dinner and is a wee bit surprised to see replacement kid, AJ, lounging on the couch watching sportsball. AJ can’t believe Brandon doesn’t know who is playing in the NBA finals, but Mike assures him that Brandon is a superstar musician. I know we’re supposed to feel bad for Brandon but I’m kind of choking on his privilege. AJ wants to know if Mike has located his brother yet but since he’s not dead or in jail he’s a little hard to track down.
Jenna drools over Monte the second she walks in and tells Monte that she was lucky enough to get to keep Stef and Lena in the divorce. Monte wants to know how Stef and Lena met. Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
Stef: I was married but separated and trying to convince myself I was straight. But then I met Lena and started making up excuses to linger and talk to her and visit her office. Then I kissed her because how could you resist?
Lena: I was in a relationship but it wasn’t serious. Not like being married is serious.
Then they discuss how they all had crushes and stuff even when they were “straight,” except for Monte who doesn’t want to talk about the massive crush she has on Lena. And here we all are now at the third or fourth weirdest dinner party in the history of the show. Monte excuses herself to go to the ladies’ room and convince herself that she’s not in love with Lena. On the way she runs into Callie, because you can’t swing a cat without running into a student in this place.
Lena is not happy about any potential spark between Jenna and Monte. Jenna will tell Monte all about Stef and Lena and that’s just awkward. Stef reminds Lena about all that oversharing she did last season. They move on to talking about taking Jude and Connor to the shooting range. Shooting a gun helped Stef feel better, maybe it will work for Jude, too. AJ scuttles into Brandon’s room and helps himself to the Tony Gwynn baseball.
Lena tells Monte she doesn’t want her to be gay. Because if Monte is straight, she doesn’t have to tell Stef about that whole awkward kissing thing that happened. Lena, you’re being an idiot. Even my wife agrees. Your boss kissed you. Straight, gay, or bisexual you have to tell your wife. This is not one of those grey areas. Monte says “Well, maybe if it’s just going to upset Stef you shouldn’t tell her.” NOT HELPING!
AJ slips out of class to go to the bathroom and by bathroom he means the water tower where he and his brother used to watch the Padres games. Callie finds him up there and tells him he needs to trust someone eventually. Mike does his “I’m not a cop right now” routine and suggests AJ leave his phone number on the water tower, too. Mike congratulates AJ for breaking the law by giving him a brand new phone. No wonder Brandon doesn’t know the meaning of the word consequence.
Victor keeps getting asked about churronuts and figures out that it’s all Mariana’s doing. She made an awesomely hilarious Vine set to “My Shirona” and everyone wants churronuts now. Victor is pissed off. Mariana say she is going to quit because they don’t need the help and then rattles off a powerpoint about how much money they can make from the churronuts. Victor agrees. Hermione Adams Foster for the win!
Stef and the boys are at the gun range. She teaches them all the safety rules and then lets them take a turn. Jude lines everything up and then decides he doesn’t want to shoot. Connor does the same but has a flashback to getting shot as he pulls the trigger. He says he’s okay, but books it for the exit as fast as his crutches will carry him.
Outside Jude tells him he only talked about the shooting range to get out of playing the zombie game. Connor says he’s not okay. Stef comes out and tells them about the first time she shot a gun. She thought it was so cool and then she burst out crying. Her dad didn’t give her a hard time because he was proud she understood how powerful a gun is. Stef gives the boys the space to talk about getting shot at by saying she needs to talk about it too. Sometimes it’s easier for someone to talk if they think they are doing you a favor.
Hanging out with AJ has given Callie a good idea for a project. She and Mariana are going to make an app so foster kids can find each other. Mariana doesn’t know how she got roped into this but she plays along. Fost and Found is a go! While Stef gloats about how AJ has been a good influence, Brandon catches him putting the Tony Gwynn ball back on the shelf. Dammit, AJ!
Next week, Cole takes Jonnor to a LGBTQ prom!
Here are a few of our favorite #GaydyBunch tweets from last night’s episode.
This week on Brandon’s Privileged Manchild Pain–oops, I meant #TheFosters . #GaydyBunch
– Kitty (@SmartLittleLiar) June 23, 2015
We’re not replacing Jesus” Meta comments that are untrue. #TheFosters #GaydyBunch
– Josh (@YankeeJosh) June 23, 2015
Am I the first Black kid you fostered? Yes, why? Because I’m on @abcfamily and black teens don’t survive long on this network. #gaydybunch
– Samantha J. Green (@SamanthaJGreen) June 23, 2015
ABC Family is making me attracted to ladies in shooting ranges. #TheFosters #GaydyBunch
– TheOtherNic (@CloneNic) June 23, 2015
Reagan! Deejay, cater waitress AND bakery worker, when do you find time to see Amy? #GaydyBunch
– Lady Liberty (@CindyLMarshall) June 23, 2015
I hope Stef and Lena’s next plumber is a woman. #gaydybunch
– CalzonaFan2013 (@Calzonafan2013) June 23, 2015
