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Michele Balan: The Last Woman Comic Standing

Born in Coney Island, comedian Michele Balan has spent most of her life in Brooklyn, and all of it in New York. But these days, she is in L.A. for the finals of the NBC comedy competition, Last Comic Standing. “Lately it’s been pretty full-speed ahead,” she says. “Since I left New York I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, I don’t know what time it is.”

After last week’s episode of NBC’s Last Comic Standing, Balan is now the last female comic standing. When the show airs this Tuesday, voters will choose between Balan and her three male competitors for advancement to the next round of the competition. The overall winner of the competition will receive an exclusive talent contract with NBC and their own comedy special on Bravo.

Before she started doing standup Balan was an executive at a computer company. But even then she was moonlighting on stage as a “female female impersonator,” doing Bette Midler impersonations.

One day she finally quit her day job. “People would say, ‘You should do it.’ You know, all those people who say ‘live your dream,'” she recalls. “And then it became a nightmare. But at that point it’s like, F***, I gave up my career, I’m struggling financially, and I’m like, ‘Who are those people who said to live my dream?'”

But Balan won’t say exactly when that was other than “a long time ago.” She says she can’t be more specific because “then everybody’ll know how old I am. I quit that job to do this and here I am–822 years later I’m on TV.”

She will only acknowledge that she’s “over 43 and under 60.” And in her act Balan makes frequent references to her advancing age, such as quipping that she now screams “Bingo!” when she has an orgasm.

With her selfdeprecating one-liners delivered in rapid-fire, it’s no surprise that Balan admires the Borscht Belt comics. “I love that old style. Maybe it’s because I’m Jewish but I love that stuff–Jackie Mason, George Burns, Phyllis Diller, Buddy Hackett, Freddy Roman. And who has more neuroses than Jewish people?”

In addition to her current television series, Balan has appeared on Comedy Central as well as in comedy clubs across the country. She has shared the stage with Kathy Najimy, Harvey Fierstein, Bruce Vilanch, Jennifer Holiday, and Taylor Dayne.

Balan also performs frequently at festivals, such as the Dinah Shore Women’s Weekend and Montreal’s Just for Laughs Festival. In 2004 Backstage Magazine included her among their “Top 10 Comics.”

In 2004 she recorded Live: Just Barely, a DVD featuring a full-length performance. Her 1999 CD, Neurotic by Nature, was recorded live in LA. On it, Nell Carter sings Balan’s version of Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me,” changing the title refrain to “I’m everything I am because you left me.”

Balan befriended Carter on an RSVP cruise. Balan has performed on RSVP, Aquafest, and Womynfest at Sea cruises, as well as at one of Olivia’s “land packages,” where the women-only vacation company takes over a Club Med resort.

Recently Balan wrote some comic material for another friend, singer Lesley Gore, whom she met at the Friars Club. She describes it as banter for Gore to perform between musical numbers.

Balan says it isn’t uncommon for musicians to enlist the help of comics to spice up their acts: “They need to talk to the audience, and a lot of them don’t know what to say. It can be pretty drab. It’s always better than saying ‘thank you, thank you very much’ between every song.”

Balan adds: “I saw the Indigo Girls once and that’s all they said. No stage appeal, none. You could just stay home with the records, because there’s really nothing different.”

Balan isn’t excited about going out to comedy performances either: “I don’t want to hear the people on stage perform, I don’t want to be influenced by their material.”

“Jesus,” she adds. “I’m around it all the time. Why make a point to go see some more? It’s like a shoemaker going to watch someone else make shoes.”

Recently Balan has left L.A. only for a few quick trips to perform elsewhere in the country. In mid-July she appeared in Chicago alongside Poppy Champlin and Sapna Kumar as the “Queer Queens of Comedy.” “It was great playing in front of a gay crowd after performing so much on TV for straight people.”

“Bi-comical” is the term Balan uses to describe her appeal to gay and straight audiences alike. But she is especially grateful for all her LGBT fans. “I love doing the gay shows because gay people are the best laughers. The best audiences.

On a more serious note she adds: “Plus, I can do some jokes about being gay that only gay people get, to really be free.”

On a recent episode of Last Comic Standing she joked that she had just gotten into a fight with her boyfriend. Then she added that the cause was that he has a problem with her being a lesbian.

“That’s the first time I’ve mentioned that,” Balan says, explaining that it’s probably unclear to most viewers that she’s a lesbian. “But with the straight people they’re never really sure if that’s just a joke or what. It keeps them guessing.”

Balan says she enjoys all of her gigs, whether they be on land, at sea or on television: “TV is always good because you might make money someday, but I like them all. I do like the gay stuff because it’s so much fun. But, look, it’s always exciting to get a paycheck. That always helps, especially because I have health insurance for my dog.”

While Balan is in L.A., her dog Lucy is back in New York, with Balan’s girlfriend. “Lucy’s being well taken care of. Better than I’m being taken care of.” But with typical self-effacement Balan adds: “I’d rather she be taking care of my dog. My dog means more to me.”

Now the episodes are airing live, but the first part of Last Comic Standing was filmed in April, with the original 12 contestants sequestered on the Queen Mary. It was hardly the good ship, according to Balan: “The last time it set sail was in 1960, which was the last time they vacuumed.”

But housekeeping standards on the ship have only been one of several challenges the comics face. “There’s an element of stress. You get challenged to a comedy contest,” Balan says. “And then if you don’t win you leave the ship, you’re off the show. Fortunately I kept coming back like a bad pimple.”

“But I think comedy competitions are ridiculous,” she adds. “You can’t compare apples to oranges. I mean, look at the four of us who are left on stage now. Where in any way are we similar?”

But Balan is still grateful for the chance to appear before such a wide audience, and for the fact that she didn’t have to do anything drastic to land the gig.

“People are eating cockroaches to be on TV,” she points out. “It’s an interesting experience. I mean, how many times in your lifetime are you part of a reality show?”

What big plans does Balan have in mind if she wins? “Sleep.”

“I feel like I’ve already really won,” she adds. “I’m the last woman comic standing. Even if they send me home Tuesday, it’s still a win-win.”

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