The women of the new “Survivor”

While there will be no fully-realized lesbians when Survivor‘s 19th season kicks off in February, there are among the contestants a lot of self-professed "tomboys" and "former softball players." Or, as I like to call them, "gateway labels."

This time around, the wilderness-savvy warriors (or fame whores) will survive in the highlands of Tocantins, which, according to Wikipedia, is a state in Brazil, and not the imaginary home of Toucan Sam, as I originally thought when I read the press release. (Although, how awesome would it be if Survivor 20 took place somewhere like Narnia or Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? Reality TV is imaginary; embrace it.)

Before every season of Survivor, I like to look at the contestants’ promo shots and job descriptions to try to predict who has an actual chance. Here’s this season’s batch of women:

Candace Smith, attorney from Dayton, Ohio

Carolina Eastwood, bartender from West Hollywood, CA

Debra Beebee , middle school principal from Auburn, AL

Erinn Lobdell, hairstylist from Waukesha, WI

Sandy Burgin, bus driver from Louisville, KY

Sierra Reed, model from Los Angeles, CA

Sydney Wheeler, model from Raleigh, NC

Taj Johnson-George, former pop star from Nashville, TN

The pop star, hairstylist and attorney are out. The bus driver, middle school principal and model are in. Screaming kids in traffic; mandating standardized testing; and go-sees (respectively) are hundreds of times harder than sleeping on stones and sucking venom out of someone’s bum. I rode a bus, live with a teacher and watch America’s Next Top Model, that’s how I know.

What do you think of this season’s crop of contestants? Who’s going all the way and who’s going back to West Hollywood to serve bottled beer to dykes? Oh, and without looking at the bios, can you guess the "tomboys?"

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