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“The Fosters” (3.1) recap: Heartcrux

Previously on The Fosters, Callie was going to get adopted when her dad signed away his parental rights. Twice. But then Sophia decided to tear up the papers, Robert refused to sign them again, and he engaged in a season-long battle for custody of Callie while covering up crimes, buying a house for Girls United, and generally being a terrible adult. Stef put her foot in her mouth on the regular and Lena decided to take all the talking she wasn’t doing with Stef to Monte. Monte figured talking was foreplay for actually making out so she kissed Lena right on her lips. Mariana decided that being smart is at least as good as being popular and used her brain parts to kick ass in dance, STEM, and everywhere else. Jesús got a stupid ass tattoo, but still got recruited to go to a boys’ boarding school in Colorado where they build cabins while learning math or something. Jude held Connor’s pinky in a movie theater, kissed Connor, came out after Connor got shot in the toe, and remained the cutest, strongest, most inspiring little dude on television. Stef and Lena sorta agreed to adopt Ana’s baby because they owed it to Mariana. Brandon joined a rock band but couldn’t break up with classical music in spite of the general awesomeness of Lu. Finally, Ana, Mariana, and Jesús got into a car wreck and we don’t know who will live or die.

We begin with Stef responding to the “one fatality” call and striding up to the scene of the accident in full hot cop mode. She sees their Volvo and Ana being carried off on a stretcher and then Mariana. Her whole demeanor changes. She’s not a cop now, she’s a mom whose kids were in a horrible accident. While she and Mariana hug, Jesús is wheeled out behind them, bloody and looking terrible. She calls his name and then-poof!-she wakes up.

Downstairs in the dream kitchen, Stef says she misses Jesús. They wonder if it’s too early to call him but basically they don’t care if they wake his ass up. I’m glad they shipped him off to the only boarding school in the world that starts in June rather than killing him. It was getting to be a little too much like The Hunger Games.

Mariana steals the phone from Lena to berate Jesús for stealing her headphones and then giving him a sassy lesson in how to mail them back to her. Brandon bemoans the fact that he has to drive to Idyllwild because he didn’t tell anyone he was applying until after the dorms were full. Your cup of privilege runneth over, bud. Lena tells him to be careful driving at least half a dozen times before giving Stef a quick eye sex before Callie and Jude bop down the stairs.

Callie’s independent study has been approved so she can dig herself out of the foster care shaped hole in her education. Mariana skips off to go help Ana and the baby (Hooray! No one died!). Mike shows up to pick Stef up for a little impromptu discussion with the owner of the car that hit Jesús, Mariana, and Ana. Lena isn’t exactly thrilled about this but while she may deal with her fear by reminding Brandon to check the oil, wiper fluid, tire pressure, and brakes before leaving the house Stef deals with her fear by charging ahead even when the charging is ill-advised.

Monte sends Lena a text asking if she wants Monte to bring her coffee or a donut or if she just wants to skip to the part where they kiss each other’s faces off? Callie asks Jude if he and Connor are going to tell people at school that they are the cutest teen couple in the history of television. They haven’t talked about it yet, they were too busy getting shot to have that little chat.

At school, Jude and Connor are having just that chat. Both of these actors have grown about a foot and a half in the three weeks and their voices are in James Earl Jones territory now. Connor is all for telling people since his dad already knows and telling him was scarier than getting shot. Jude doesn’t want to tell, because it’s nobody’s business.

A kid hassles Callie for some change and calls her a princess when she doesn’t give him any. When he tells her to skip on back to her privileged life, she yells at him for mistaking her for her clone, Sophia.

Motormouth Mariana is chatting Ana’s ear off about how San Diego doesn’t need any weather people. She takes Isabella to the other room to have a bottle because Ana is wearing a medieval torture device that makes breastfeeding impossible but would protect her in case of a spontaneous jousting tournament.

Callie arrives at the center and Raphael tells her that he has a bunch of projects to keep her busy all summer. First they are going to spray paint some chairs but they have to be double sure to lock it up at the end of the day because kids steal it to huff it or use it to change the population tally of Rosewood. While he gets the paint out of his car, the kid from earlier walks in looking to use the computers.

While AJ and Callie bond over being foster kids, Brandon shuffles into Idyllwild where he meets Kat, Edward Cullen’s paler sister and finds out that he is not there as a pianist, he’s there as a composer. Poor Brandon, his silver spoon is not the right size! Oh the humanity!

Stef and Mike are paying a little visit to the guy whose truck was used to ram the Volvo. Stef channels Olivia Benson and grills the old man. Turns out he reported it stolen after the accident and he’s got a son he failed to mention in the initial report. Stef is going to detective herself right out of all this fear she’s feeling.

At the center Callie brings AJ and sandwich and bonds with him over her shitty childhood in the system. He and his brother created their own private superhero when they got put into the system and would put the symbol in their window as a sign to meet up at the park. Raphael tells Callie that despite her surly side she does a good job connecting with other kids. He wants her to consider working at the center even when her independent study is over.

Brandon is taking his anger out on the piano when Kat strolls up and says “you play well for a composer.” He just always saw himself as a pianist (and every time he says pianist I giggle and remember that the showrunners are a couple of gay dudes who clearly love a good dick joke). She tells him that composers are the real rock stars….of the eighteenth century.

Lena and Monte are going over plans for the beach party in Lena’s office and things get awkward when Monte invites Lena to a conference in Washington. Monte closes the door and asks for things to go back to the way they were. It was just a tiny kiss (and a whole ton of hair stroking)! She’s straight! She was married! Yeah. Stef was married once too, lady. Lena says sure let’s forget about you putting your face in my face and pretend it never happened.

Back at Idyllwild the composers are getting paired up with pianists and I’ll give you one guess as to who Brandon gets. Yep, Kat Van Cullen herself. She pitches a tantrum worthy of Brandon himself. Well this should be fun.

Jude and Connor say goodbye after school like a couple of adorable thirteen-year-olds. Daria wants to know why Connor broke up with her. She’s one distraught seventh grader. Taylor doesn’t understand why Connor won’t just tell Daria he’s into Jude since it’s super obvious. He says he just can’t.

Mariana is reading a book about babies when Mat comes over. They have some super awkward banter about her being not pregnant because they, you know, haven’t done the thing you have to do to be pregnant. He wants to know why she has been avoiding him and she says she has to have something to do all summer too. She doesn’t say too many people she loves have left her in her life and she is freaking out about him going away too and is avoiding like a champ. She’ll be at the beach party, maybe, if she can get away.

Callie and Raphael are opening up the center, chatting about fancy schools and their fancy beach parties when Callie discovers AJ in the back room. She chases after him and promises she can help if he needs a place to stay. He books it down an alley.

Mariana rushes into Ana’s house all late because the bus didn’t pick her up on time. But Ana is doing just fine. The brace is off, the sun is shining, the tank is clean, and she doesn’t need Mariana meddling helping anymore. She tells Mariana she needs space to bond with the baby. It comes out a little harsh but between the car accident and having a newborn I’m willing to cut Ana some slack.

Stef has found the truck owner’s son. He’s got a cut on his forehead and a whole heap of sketchy answers. She’s willing to bet he is the one who t-boned the Volvo until Mike tells her the prints don’t match. She’s hit the end. She can’t solve her way out of this mess. Mike tells her the cars are going to the junkyard in case she wants anything out of the Volvo. Stef walks out back and takes a last look at the broken, mangle metal that saved her kids.

Mariana can’t believe she quit her coding club for Ana and now she doesn’t even want her around. Callie is sure that Ana didn’t mean it like that. Mariana is worried that Mat is going to be surrounded by groupies on tour and Callie, ever the voice of reason, suggests that perhaps Someone’s Little Sister doesn’t have groupies. Mariana has a foolproof plan to make Mat remember her. She’s going to have sex with him. It always works in the movies, right?

Callie sees Brandon who is skipping Idyllwild for a school-sponsored party chaperoned by his mom. When he starts whining about how they put him in the wrong group Callie says “hold that thought I would like to be anywhere else right now,” and skips off to talk to AJ. He ran away from his foster family so that he and his brother could be together but his brother didn’t show up. He doesn’t have a place to go so Callie tells him she will help him get emergency placement, he’ll just need a place to stay for the night.

Jude is helping Connor crutch across the sand when a dude comes up and asks if they are gay for each other. Oh my god, Gretchen, you can’t just ask people if they are gay for each other! Connor says yeah, what are you going to do about it, punk? Taylor, looking every bit the younger gay sister of Sweet Marley Rose, says not to be mad at Connor, she was the one who told. Daria says no one cares that they are gay. Jude says, “I’M NOT GAY!” and stomps off.

Mariana tells Mat she is all about having the sex with him before he goes. Although getting sand in his butt while doing it in a lifeguard tower seems awesome and all, he declines the offer. Brandon and Lu chat about the new guy playing keyboard for the band and bemoans his placement in the composer program. Lu rolls her eyes at him for being such a goddamn baby.

Lena is standing off to the side of the party looking like heaven on earth when Stef walks up. Lena can’t believe that Stef would give up a night alone in the house for a stupid party on a beach. Stef wraps herself up in her sweater and falls apart. She’s being trying to keep it together, to solve the mystery so she could feel safe. When she heard there was a fatality and saw their car crushed like a tin can she thought they had lost their babies. She thought she would never be okay again. She just needed to see her wife, you know? If there is an actor better at holding it all together and then letting it all fall apart than Teri Polo, I have yet to see her. She nails this essential piece of Stef every single time.

A horcrux is something created when you take a life and tear your soul apart. It lets a person live a sort of half life. Voldemort made seven of them because he wanted to live forever. I think the opposite of a horcrux is a heartcrux (apologies to Jo Rowling). We make them when we become parents. We take a piece of our hearts and we put them in our children. They don’t make us live forever. They don’t make us invulnerable. They are not born from hate or murder. They are born of pure, unselfish love. Where a horcrux keeps safe a piece of soul a heartcrux does the opposite. Our hearts live in our kids. We hurt when they hurt. We ache with them. And, god forbid, if our child dies a piece of us dies with them.

I hope I never know what it is to lose a child but I do know what it is to have a piece of my own heart walking around outside of my body. I can’t protect my babies from kids who will say mean things or ruin their fairy houses or say “you can’t play with me.” I would step in front of a a bus for either one of them. I would do it without a thought. I don’t know that we understand all of that when the heartcrux is made, whether it’s the day your baby is born, or the day you sign the adoption papers. I don’t know that we understand the process. Maybe someone better equipped with words can explain it for me. But we know the feeling. We know waking up in a cold sweat at the nightmare that our child has been hurt and that we couldn’t stop it. Heartcruxes make us more human, more vulnerable, more likely to feel the terrifying fear that we might lose not only a child but the piece of ourselves we gave them. Seeing a glimpse of that life without our babies and with holes in our hearts where those heartcruxes came from is enough to shake us to our bones.

Back on the beach the hair model is back and he’s got a beer for Mariana. While they crack a beer and discuss his luscious hair and engage in a totally out of character make-out session, Lena tells Monte she has too much going on at home to even consider taking a trip with her to Washington. Callie lets AJ into the center for the night and asks him not to make a mess.

Connor finds Jude sitting on a heap of jagged rocks and is like, “Dude, I’m on crutches-throw me a freaking bone!” Connor asks a hundred questions about whether this means Jude doesn’t like him or doesn’t want to be his boyfriend or if he just doesn’t like Connor that way. Jude says no, he wants to be his boyfriend he just wants a shot at being Jude for a while, not the kid with a dead mom or the foster kid or even the gay kid. He just wants the world to give him the space to make his own labels even if that label just has his name on it. They hold hands and restore my faith in humanity for the hundredth time.

Stef and Lena chat in bed about taking a trip to Greece or Capri but for budgetary purposes they will settle for Catalina. They will make it a priority. Also a priority is smooching and Stef takes care of that right away.

It’s the shortest honeymoon in history because Stef discovers a leak in the kitchen ceiling. In case you thought the writers had rained enough shit on this couple already you won’t be happy with their decision to rain literal shit on them. Well, the dream of a weekend away was nice for those ten seconds.

Callie asks Mariana if she had sex and Mariana says yes. Whoopsie. But the full conversation will have to wait because Callie is off to the center to discover that AJ took off with all the spray paint. Raphael comes in, yells at Callie, and tells her she’s fired. Good-bye graduation.

At Idyllwild, Brandon tells Kat that she can throw any temper tantrum she likes because he knows them all. In fact, he taught his four siblings how to throw tantrums so he is the expert.

It’s so nice to be back in the land of the Adams Fosters and with all of you in the #GaydyBunch. Here are just a few of our favorite tweets from last night’s episode.

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