“The Fosters” (3.1) recap: Heartcrux


Previously on The Fosters, Callie was going to get adopted when her dad signed away his parental rights. Twice. But then Sophia decided to tear up the papers, Robert refused to sign them again, and he engaged in a season-long battle for custody of Callie while covering up crimes, buying a house for Girls United, and generally being a terrible adult. Stef put her foot in her mouth on the regular and Lena decided to take all the talking she wasn’t doing with Stef to Monte. Monte figured talking was foreplay for actually making out so she kissed Lena right on her lips. Mariana decided that being smart is at least as good as being popular and used her brain parts to kick ass in dance, STEM, and everywhere else. Jesús got a stupid ass tattoo, but still got recruited to go to a boys’ boarding school in Colorado where they build cabins while learning math or something. Jude held Connor’s pinky in a movie theater, kissed Connor, came out after Connor got shot in the toe, and remained the cutest, strongest, most inspiring little dude on television. Stef and Lena sorta agreed to adopt Ana’s baby because they owed it to Mariana. Brandon joined a rock band but couldn’t break up with classical music in spite of the general awesomeness of Lu. Finally, Ana, Mariana, and Jesús got into a car wreck and we don’t know who will live or die.

Fosters 3011

We begin with Stef responding to the “one fatality” call and striding up to the scene of the accident in full hot cop mode. She sees their Volvo and Ana being carried off on a stretcher and then Mariana. Her whole demeanor changes. She’s not a cop now, she’s a mom whose kids were in a horrible accident. While she and Mariana hug, Jesús is wheeled out behind them, bloody and looking terrible. She calls his name and then—poof!—she wakes up.

Foster 3012

Downstairs in the dream kitchen, Stef says she misses Jesús. They wonder if it’s too early to call him but basically they don’t care if they wake his ass up. I’m glad they shipped him off to the only boarding school in the world that starts in June rather than killing him. It was getting to be a little too much like The Hunger Games.

Mariana steals the phone from Lena to berate Jesús for stealing her headphones and then giving him a sassy lesson in how to mail them back to her. Brandon bemoans the fact that he has to drive to Idyllwild because he didn’t tell anyone he was applying until after the dorms were full. Your cup of privilege runneth over, bud. Lena tells him to be careful driving at least half a dozen times before giving Stef a quick eye sex before Callie and Jude bop down the stairs.

Fosters 3013 Damn, baby, what are you packing in that holster?

Callie’s independent study has been approved so she can dig herself out of the foster care shaped hole in her education. Mariana skips off to go help Ana and the baby (Hooray! No one died!). Mike shows up to pick Stef up for a little impromptu discussion with the owner of the car that hit Jesús, Mariana, and Ana. Lena isn’t exactly thrilled about this but while she may deal with her fear by reminding Brandon to check the oil, wiper fluid, tire pressure, and brakes before leaving the house Stef deals with her fear by charging ahead even when the charging is ill-advised.

Monte sends Lena a text asking if she wants Monte to bring her coffee or a donut or if she just wants to skip to the part where they kiss each other’s faces off? Callie asks Jude if he and Connor are going to tell people at school that they are the cutest teen couple in the history of television. They haven’t talked about it yet, they were too busy getting shot to have that little chat.

At school, Jude and Connor are having just that chat. Both of these actors have grown about a foot and a half in the three weeks and their voices are in James Earl Jones territory now. Connor is all for telling people since his dad already knows and telling him was scarier than getting shot. Jude doesn’t want to tell, because it’s nobody’s business.

Fosters 3014 Can you believe my mom doesn’t think Vee looks like grandma?

A kid hassles Callie for some change and calls her a princess when she doesn’t give him any. When he tells her to skip on back to her privileged life, she yells at him for mistaking her for her clone, Sophia.

Motormouth Mariana is chatting Ana’s ear off about how San Diego doesn’t need any weather people. She takes Isabella to the other room to have a bottle because Ana is wearing a medieval torture device that makes breastfeeding impossible but would protect her in case of a spontaneous jousting tournament.

Callie arrives at the center and Raphael tells her that he has a bunch of projects to keep her busy all summer. First they are going to spray paint some chairs but they have to be double sure to lock it up at the end of the day because kids steal it to huff it or use it to change the population tally of Rosewood. While he gets the paint out of his car, the kid from earlier walks in looking to use the computers.

While AJ and Callie bond over being foster kids, Brandon shuffles into Idyllwild where he meets Kat, Edward Cullen’s paler sister and finds out that he is not there as a pianist, he’s there as a composer. Poor Brandon, his silver spoon is not the right size! Oh the humanity!

Stef and Mike are paying a little visit to the guy whose truck was used to ram the Volvo. Stef channels Olivia Benson and grills the old man. Turns out he reported it stolen after the accident and he’s got a son he failed to mention in the initial report. Stef is going to detective herself right out of all this fear she’s feeling.

Fosters 3015 Oh shit! She only smiles like that when she’s about to kill someone.

At the center Callie brings AJ and sandwich and bonds with him over her shitty childhood in the system. He and his brother created their own private superhero when they got put into the system and would put the symbol in their window as a sign to meet up at the park. Raphael tells Callie that despite her surly side she does a good job connecting with other kids. He wants her to consider working at the center even when her independent study is over.

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