“Lost Girl” Rewind Mini-Cap (5.8): End of Faes

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Rewind is a weekly mini-recap following the Syfy broadcast of Lost Girl. Read the full episode recap here.

So that ended poorly. What started with a delicious cupcake ended with a TSA-approved carry on bag. Our wounded Valkyrie is angrily storming out of Bo’s life. But before she goes, complaining about how Team Doccubus wins every damn online couples poll, she hands Bo an envelop containing an invitation from the ancients.

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So this sounds like a great idea: Let’s all go to a fancy-dress party thrown by people who have cut a literal swath of destruction through the city, killed many innocent people and zapped you with lightning hands. Doesn’t sound like a trap at all. So, what should we bring as a hostess gift?

They arrive and everyone acts like it’s a surprise party for Bo. Surprise we’re going to roast you and eat you for dinner, maybe. Lauren tests Bo’s drink just to make sure. This is the girl you want with you for a night out on the town. Nobody getting roofied in her circle of friends.

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Then, because no pending apocalypse is complete without gay lady processing, Bo decides it’s a good time to discuss what happened at the lab. Lauren says she knows it was an end-of-days booty call. Bo says she wants it to be more. Lauren says, “Oh boy.” But before she can say if it was a good “Oh boy” or bad “Oh boy” Bo spots something else that makes her go “Oh.”

It’s Tamsin, more accurately Tamsin’s badonkadonk. What? I’m using scientific terms. Lauren smiles in spite of herself. Such is the life of one who loves a Succu-babe. Bo strides over and says she is glad Tamsin is there to help. Tam-Tam is like, sure, whatever, as long as I can get my drink on.

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At least the party finally clears up who Bo is up against. The blond lady is Zeus, the brown-haired dude is Hera and teen girl is Iris. Lady Zeus tells Bo she is there to grant her what her heart most desires–an eternity Jell-O wrestling with the Women’s National Soccer Team. Kidding! Loosen up, everyone. It’s a party.

She wants freedom from her father and Lady Zeus says she can give it to her. Lady Z says they’re on the same team and they can stop Hades from destroying the world. All Bo has to do is drink this delicious cocktail made with Cassie and the other oracles eyes. Where is Lauren with her testing strips when we need her?

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What she and Trick see is people turned to ash and blackness. So, naturally they freak out. Because prophecies foretold by practical strangers on this show always play out exactly as explained. Right? Does no one else remember The Wanderer? Has anyone thought of looking up the term “healthy skepticism” on this show?

Lady Z tells Bo her glowing hand stamp on her chest has been an umbilical chord to Hades, feeding him energy and allowing him to gain strength. So she kindly offers to remove it. Sure, yes, let’s allow someone who has proven to have homicidal tendencies hack at you with a sharp object. This plan has no drawbacks.

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While the parade of bad party decisions continues, Tamsin and Lauren tie up Dude Hera as collateral. But first, they process their Big Gay Feelings about Bo with each other. Tamsin concedes that she lost, the best woman won. It’s all very gracious until you start thinking of love as a competition and a person as a prize. But the existential nature of love is interrupted by the reality of bedside restraints. Like, why are they restraining their teenage daughter, Iris? Oh, because she is more powerful than both of the ancients combined.

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Well, luckily this news stops this stupid cutting ceremony. But unfortunately now we have to spend time on that Little Shit Mark’s storyline. He spent the night with Iris, who doesn’t know her own powers. Instead she is on an ill-advised mission to rejoin the family of the dead girl whose body she snatched. So naturally she accidentally kills the dead girl’s father. And then Mark gets stabbed trying to clean up her mess.

While everyone else is off looking for the two wayward teens, Tamsin has remained to chat up the ancients. Instead it turns into a little bit of a therapy session as Tam-Tam tries to convince herself she’s relieved the relationship is over. Lady Z proves to be a terrible therapist because she strikes Tamsin down with a bolt of lightening.

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While searching for the Little Shit Mark, Lauren tells Bo it is “Oh boy, yes.” So I guess his storyline was good for something. Bo then runs off to find Iris who is busy turning flowers and police officers into black ash. Bo sympathizes because she used to accidentally kill people and not know how to stop as a youth as well. So, that’s something to bond over. So she touches Iris and pulls back a black hand. Oh, gosh, was that prophecy you thought you saw earlier wrong? What a shocker.

So Trick finally decides to do some research instead of believing the things he sees after drinking alcoholic beverages. Something about Irish being possessed by an evil primordial night goddess. Oh and that box Bo got from her daddy deadest? It’s probably pretty important. So Bo goes home to find it and finds Lady Zeus stealing it instead. This is why you never trust strangers.

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They fight. Bo wins thanks to her dead arm. Then Bo remembers a vision she had of her father, and we see her father. It’s Eric Roberts. Yes, that Eric Roberts. He has his own sorta prophecy to tell her about leading a victory over night. And then Bo has to decide whether to open her box. Normally, as a succubus, this would be an easy decision. Ahem. So Bo cranks that handle and light shines out and… We’re all left wondering what’s in the damn box until the show returns.

BONUS BOOBS O’CLOCK:

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CAPTION THIS:

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READ THE FULL LOST GIRL 5.08 RECAP HERE.

 

More by Ms. Snarker: @dorothysnarker or dorothysurrenders.com.

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