“Wentworth” recap (3.8): Consider Yourself Bitch Slapped

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But now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for: Franky and Bridget discuss all the good reasons why the absolutely cannot have sex; or, as we call it in the lesbian community, foreplay. The dialogue:

Bridget: In a patient-therapist relationship, romantic feelings can develop.

When that happens it clouds objectivity and that relationship breaks down.

Franky: You’ve got (to kiss on yourself? to piss on yourself? tickets on yourself? I can’t quite make out the dialogue) if you think I’ve got the hots for you.

Bridget: I was talking about me, Franky.

Franky: So what, you’re in love with me?

Bridget: No.

Franky: So you just want to fuck me. I can live with that.

Bridget: I can’t.

wentworth11LIKE, THESE ARE NOT THE EYES OF PURE LUST, AMIRITE?

Guys, I have agonized about this scene, trying to decode what exactly is happening. So either:

  • A: Bridget really does mean she only wants Franky for sex which
  • A1. I guess is valid since lesbians have as much right as anybody to have crushes based solely in a desire to make another person scream.
  • A2. But it doesn’t really seem in character for the sensitive, warm Bridget.

Or:

  • B: Bridget is only saying that to keep Franky at arm’s length and keep them out of further trouble.

And then, of course, we’ve got to take into account Franky’s reaction, which could be interpreted as

  1. Happy to have someone who is at least honest about what they want from her, but still too in love with Erica to give her heart away.
  2. Actually feeling HEART BURSTING FEELINGS for Bridget, but too afraid to say them out loud, which is supported by the look of misty tenderness in her eyes.

Or: The writers could mean Franky and Bridget to deliver these lines at face value, but Nicole da Silva and Libby Tanner decided to play them as love anyway. I wouldn’t put it past any actor in this series to take a scene into her own hands.

Either way, this relationship is zooming ahead like a runaway train, and now that the Feelings have been stated openly, it’s only a matter of time before they are acted upon. Because lesbians are uniquely adept at being tremendously rational about their feelings, then taking that rationality, throwing it out the window, and fucking like rabbits for days on end.

That night, Joan pays Doreen a visit and tells her the sad story of Jianna. And then, either because she has negligible gaydar or because she is legit hallucinating that Doreen and Jianna are the same person (which is both crazy and racist), Joan gets within inches of kissing Doreen.

wentworth12

Thankfully, right at that moment, Doreen’s water breaks and she gives birth to her son with only Rose and Joan for company. (Vera tries to help but Joan orders her out on account of her Hep-C, which is the cruelest thing imaginable.)

After the birth, Bea visits Doreen, who tells her all about Jianna and the deeply creepy almost-kiss. Unfortunately, Joan overhears this, and her dreams of finding love and companionship are foiled yet again. Of course, if someone explained to her the wrongness of foisting your love on unwilling people when you are in a position of power, she might have a higher batting average with the ladies.

Distraught and angry, Joan goes home and smashes every glass object in her house, including Fishy Junior.

13PROMISE ME YOU WILL NEVER BUY A CAT.

Her fencing instructor finds her flailing about in the glass, and then we learn that he is, in fact, her father. “I’m a freak, I’m a freak, I’m a freak,” she repeats again and again. Well, if that ugly ass shoe fits.

Next week: Bea begins to fear she may never defeat the Freak, and Jodie decides she would rather go blind than see Franky with another woman.

As a brief postscript: YOU CAN GET FISH MAILED TO YOU IN A LITTLE BOX IN THE MAIL? LIVE FISH? What a world.

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