“Wentworth” recap (3.8): Consider Yourself Bitch Slapped

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The rivers are running backwards, the sky and ground have switched places, hell is now an ice rink, and y’all, I really enjoyed The Freak in this episode. That’s not to say that I liked her, or even really understood her, but I caught a glimpse of the woman behind the fencing mask, and the insecurities that drive her. And, for the first time, it made her feel like a villain deserving of our heroes.

The “previously on” segment of this episode digs waaaay into the past (I like that element of this season, by the way; ancient plot points being suddenly brought back into play is one of my favorite devices in fiction). Remember how Joan’s original motivation for all her havoc-wreaking was the tragic suicide of a prisoner she loved after Will Jackson separated her from her baby? Well, it’s time to remember it, because it’s important again. Also, Kim is back in prison, miffed that Franky won’t have sex with her anymore and spreading the rumor that it’s because Franky and Bridget are Doing It. Bea was drugged by the same henchmen who hit Fletch with the murder van, and Joan now has the taped confession that Franky killed Meg Jackson (another storyline from seasons past that the writers won’t let lie).

This week begins by letting you know that we are going to be exploring the inner life of Joan Ferguson, which: better late than never. So here’s Joan’s routine after a long, hard day of prison administration.

  1. Remove hair from torture bun.
  2. Cozy slippers!
  3. Check on goldfish. Hi, Fishy!
  4. Pour first vodka shot of her designated six.

wentworth1I’M AN ANTISOCIAL DRINKER.

  1. Post several angry comments on AfterEllen.com.
  2. Check on Fishy again.

But wait! It would appear that Fishy has lost the will to live as Joan’s one and only companion.

When Joan goes to flush Fishy, she notices that the poor little goldfish is not quite dead, merely playing possum so it can return to the sea, like in Finding Nemo. When she realizes that the fish is trying to abandon her, she Rips. Its. Tail. Right. Off. Because that is how Joan Motherfucking Ferguson deals with disloyalty.

wentworth2GOOD LUCK FINDING NEMO NOW, YOU LITTLE SHIT.

Cut to the next day at group therapy. The inmates are playing an amusing game where one of them stands behind the other and acts as their arms to gesticulate their way through a story.

wentworth3JESS FOR THE LAST TIME I DO NOT NEED HELP WITH THAT.

When Doreen and Jess finish, Bridget searches for more volunteers. She passes up Lucy’s offer for a performance of her one-woman show, My Life Without A Cock, and opts instead for the double-trouble of Kim and Boomer. Of course, Kim uses her turn to read her poem: Bitches Aint Shit But Jerks Who Sleep With Their Therapists After You Got Thrown In Prison Just For Them.

Kim’s exhibition is met with resounding guffaws from the rest of the prisoners, and Franky and Bridget shoot each other forlorn glances that say quite plainly that the jig is up.

wentworth4BUT WE WERE BEING SO SUBTLE.

Kim’s little outburst necessitates a private meeting between Bridget and Joan to address the rumors. Bridget denies them, of course, but Joan tells her to watch her step, since “Franky is far too emotional for her own good.” Bridget swiftly fires back that it’s certainly better to feel too much than to be an uptight emotionless psychopath who won’t even let other people lesbian in peace.

wentworth5I DON’T WANT TO POINT THE FINGER, I JUST WANT TO FINGER THE POINT.

And then Joan, ever so nonchalantly, asks if Franky has confessed to any murders lately. Bridget says no, but she is good and flustered.

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